tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86601636678012932682024-03-18T00:32:36.239-07:00Herm's Perm: Overpaid to UnderperformHerm's Perm is a blog about college sports, pop culture and Herm Edwards. Actaully, There's no boundary for the topics that are covered here. Nor is anything filtered, censored or governed. Don't expect greatness. This isn't Lombardi's Party. Just like the beloved former-Chiefs coach, we're here to accomplish one thing: be Overpaid to Underperform.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.comBlogger350125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-5385165157310646162013-02-02T10:29:00.002-08:002013-02-02T10:29:17.903-08:00Saturday 'Shoppin<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Today we do Lance Stephenson.</td></tr>
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<br />Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-70615995571215622842013-01-30T14:20:00.002-08:002013-01-30T14:25:15.979-08:00I LOVE LAMP<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I don't really understand anything going on with this story anymore. Let's put the whole gay thing on the back burner, although Ronaiah Tuiasosopo basically just told the world he is gay, setting back gay rights approximately 10 years. ALL THAT'S ON THE BACK BURNER.<br />
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So, Ronaiah and Manti Te'o' knew each other, right? It said so in the Deadspin article. Can we stop thinking that this was just Ronaiah's idea. The stories of the Tuiasosopo's don't even mesh anymore. His cousin Tino, who is female despite the name, said she did some of the voices on the calls. But now Ronaiah is saying he was the one talking to, and falling in love with Manti? This is why there are no Hawaiian mob members. They have no idea how to keep a story straight.<br />
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Anyways, here is the big quote from Dr. Phil.<br />
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"Here we have a young man that fell deeply, romantically in love," Dr. Phil McGraw told NBC. "I asked him straight up, 'Was this a romantic relationship with you?' And he says yes. I said, 'Are you then therefore gay?' And he said, 'When you put it that way, yes.' And then he caught himself and said 'I am confused.' "<br />
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Yeah, no shit. Being gay is not a bad thing. It happens to the gayest of us. But you wanted, and successfully tricked one of your friends into loving you, or at least the woman image of you. It doesn't make sense. Why go to that extreme to try and get someone, who is states away, to love you back. This would make a little sense, if Ronaiah had been an out of the closet homosexual. You could see it possibly. People will do anything their heart tells them to. What doesn't make sense is, by the sounds of the quote, Ronaiah became gay in the process of "Catfishing" Manti.<br />
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No, none of this adds up. If this were a math problem it would look like this: 1+2+3= -800,000. This only makes sense now, if Manti was in on it. And he's gay, and gay for Ronaiah. And they, in an attempt to hide their gay love, created this chick. And in some sort of dramatic gay mental haze, they decided to make the imaginary girlfriend story a Soap Opera. With cancer, car wrecks and death.<br />
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And then phone calls from Deadspin came, so they tried to clean their tracks, and tell Notre Dame. And then made up phone messages. And in the process, still were caught off guard, so they told the cousin about it to help hide it. But then they forgot they told her, and screwed up their story.<br />
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That is the only thing that makes sense anymore. Actually at this point, Lennay Kakua might as well be a real person. Because she makes just as much sense as any of these other scenarios.<br />
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Bottom line, don't draft Manti Te'o. <br />
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<br />Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-34783923438517615632013-01-29T16:08:00.000-08:002013-01-29T16:08:18.702-08:00This guy thinks things are retarded.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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JOE FACKIN FLACCO HERE. JUST WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW, THAT OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE, I CAN YELL ALL I WANT. I TOLD MY WIFE, WHO IS CURRENTLY BEING AN ON-THE-RAG BITCH, THAT I DO WHAT I WANT, SO LONG AS SHE DOESN'T HEAR, SEE OR FEEL IT.<br />
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NOW, IN REGARDS TO THIS SUPER BOWL, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS FOR LETTING ME SCREAM AT PELICANS. THANK YOU. SUCH A GREAT CITY TO HOST A FOOTBALL CHARADE. THAT'S RIGHT. A CHARADE. THAT'S FRENCH FOR PUSSY PLAY. BECAUSE NEXT YEAR, WHEN I'M HERE AGAIN, CLEARLY, THE SUPER BOWL WILL BE IN THAT FACKIN RETARD TOWN OF NEW YORK. LIKE, WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO AROUND HERE TO GET SOME SUNNY WEATHER AND PELICANS?<br />
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OH, SO YOU MEDIA OUTLETS DON'T LIKE MY USE OF THE WORD "RETARD." WELL, DEAL WITH IT. I JUST MADE THE SUPERBOWL. MY GAMES AT ANOTHER LEVEL, AND NOW MY INTERVIEWS ARE AT ANOTHER LEVEL, BOTH IN VOLUME AND VULGARITY. I LIVE MY LIFE IN THE 3 V'S. VULGARITY, VOLUME, VAGINA RECONSTRUCTION SURGERY. THE THIRD ONE OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE I AM A PRACTICED OBGYN IN THE BALTIMORE AREA. SOMETHING I QUIT THIS YEAR, BECAUSE I'M DONE PUSSY FOOTBALLING AROUND. I'M HERE TO MAKE HISTORY.<br />
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FIRST HISTORY TO BE MADE. I LIKE FAGGOTS. I'M PRO GAY AS SHIT. DEAL WITH IT MEDIAS. I'M NOT AFRAID TO PULL OUT A QUICKY ON YOU LIKE A SAILOR AND A CONSTRUCTION WORKER IN THE BATHROOM OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE CONCERT.<br />
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SECOND HISTORY: EVOLUTION IS BULLSHIT. YOU KNOW WHY. BECAUSE THERE ARE FAGGOTS. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. IT JUST DOESN'T HAVE ANY EVOLUTIONARY REASONING TO STILL EXIST IN HUMAN SOCIETY. HOW YOU LIKE THAT MEDIAS.<br />
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THIRD AND FINAL HISTORY: RAY LEWIS DIDN'T USE STEROIDS. HE'S JUST NOT HIDING HIS GAYNESS THAT WELL. ALL THE CUM HE DRINKS AROUND THE LOCKER ROOM DEFINITELY SHOWS UP ON A PED TEST. NO DOUBT. SPEAKING OF NO DOUBT, NO DOUBT I WOULD TAG TEAM GWEN STEFANI IN A BATHROOM WITH A HOWLER MONEY. THAT SHIT WOULD BE BANANAS. B. A. N. A. N. A. S.<br />
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I CALL THIS MEETING ADJOURNED. FLACCO OUT.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-28758055572258045612013-01-22T15:25:00.000-08:002013-01-22T15:26:47.183-08:00Lady's face talks. No relevant information contributed.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1244844.1358870500!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/omeara23n-2-web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1244844.1358870500!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/omeara23n-2-web.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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This girl, Diane O'Meara, talked on the Today Show ... today. Why does it matter? It doesn't. She was just someone who had their photos taken on facebook. That's not something new. I'm pretty sure somewhere in Europe, they are using a fabulous photo of me to sell Cadbury Eggs. It's not a big deal. I wouldn't go on the Today Show and tell people how I got defamed by the Cadbury Egg corporation.<br />
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"I don't even like milk chocolate. I'm a dark chocolate kind of man. As in I like very dark black women. What were we talking about again? Oh, and I don't like eggs, because I don't want to impregnate them. Very dark black woman eggs. So, how's your day going Matt Lauer?"<br />
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Anyways, the only reason it is news is because she's pretty hot. And hot people get ratings. Like Jennifer Lopez or Ann Coulter.<br />
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The biggest part of the story is that she's a 23 year old marketing executive in Los Angeles. How do you become an executive two years out of college. QUID PRO QUO. THAT'S HOW. NEW STORY ANGLE. WHY IS DIANE O'MEARA SUCH A SLUT? ANSWER ME THIS AMERICAN MEDIA.<br />
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Other, angles that would be more provocative include:<br />
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Is this the hottest "Diane" ever? Seriously, Diane is an ugly girls name.<br />
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Should she take the name of Lennay, which is way hot? In an <i>Of Mice and Men</i> way. Like how she'll crush your penis like a rabbit. That's hot right?<br />
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O'meara, but you're not Irish?<br />
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Pull a Murray, and secretly invite Manti T'e'o for a date with Diane. They fall in love. IRONY REIGNS SUPREME.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-25285737945303736172013-01-18T07:31:00.002-08:002013-01-18T07:33:45.413-08:00GHOST GIRLFRIEND: VIABLE OPTIONI'm still waiting for someone to release a screenshot (probably photoshopped, but at this point what's the difference) of Manti Te'o's Facebook page with his relationship status set to "it's complicated." By now you've likely heard <a href="http://deadspin.com/5976517/manti-teos-dead-girlfriend-the-most-heartbreaking-and-inspirational-story-of-the-college-football-season-is-a-hoax">the story</a>, been perplexedly amused, acted aloof to at least one friend who hasn't seen <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish_%28film%29">Catfish</a>, and tweeted a joke or two about Te'o being a loser/idiot/virgin (or combination of the three). I did, anyway.<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Lennay Kekua giving Tyler Durden a blowjob</span></div>
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However, having a fake/online-only/ghost girlfriend isn't all bad. For one, they're free; no fancy dinners, extravagant gifts or expensive trips to Planned Parenthood for some Plan B. They don't get pissed when you forget to call/text or decide to watch porn instead of skyping them goodnight. They can have the perfect figure, a supermodel face, or even be bi-racial because WHO CARES YOU MADE THEM UP, FULL CREATIVE LICENSE.<br />
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I'm not saying that Te'o went about his dating life in the best manner, but I feel like there are worse options than dating a GHOSTLADY. So, without further ado, here are three examples:<br />
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<a name='more'></a>1. Vanessa Bryant<br />
Nobody denies that Kobe Bryant is an asshole. Jordan was an asshole. So was bird. It's part of having that "killer instinct."Interesting how that seems to only apply to basketball players. <a href="http://snyted.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/weeeeeeetombrady.jpg?w=445&h=497">Tom Brady</a> and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zce-QT7MGSE">Adrian Peterson</a>? Adorably humble. But only Vanessa Bryant can out-asshole her husband. She gets her rocks off by watching her housekeeper finger <a href="http://www.examiner.com/article/kobe-bryant-wife-vanessa-sued-by-ex-housekeeper-for-dog-poop-abuse">doggie poo</a> and is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHL0HKGfN5c">THE ONLY WIFE</a> allowed to hang out in the hallway for his husband. DAMMIT WOMAN, YOU CAN'T WAIT ONE HALF OF BASKETBALL WITHOUT GETTING SOME SUGAR? NO WONDER KOBE CHEATS ON YOU DURING EVERY ROAD GAME. NO. DAMN. TRUST.<br />
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2. Taylor Swift<br />
You think it's because I don't want a whiny sob song written about me? WRONG. If the world could know that I went to poundtown on its darling pop princess, I'd make a gold caste of my penis and use it as a hood ornament. You don't want to date this girl because she's BORING. At least Bieber's partying and <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/05/justin-bieber-smoking-pot-photos-emerge-teen-star-partying_n_2415401.html">smokin da reefa</a>. I bet her idea of a wild Friday is making her boyfriend memorize her song lyrics while watching HGTV and cuddling. YOU'RE 23, COME OUT WITH A SEX TAPE ALREADY.<br />
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3. Lena Dunham<br />
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<a href="http://www.nitrovideo.com/trial/content/upload/girls_104_hannahs_diary/vidthumbs/lena_dunham_girls_hannahs_diary.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://www.nitrovideo.com/trial/content/upload/girls_104_hannahs_diary/vidthumbs/lena_dunham_girls_hannahs_diary.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Take a careful look at the photo above and tell me that's not not <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=kuato&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=CJR&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=M-n4UM-BBqS8iwLzmIDwBw&ved=0CAoQ_AUoAA&biw=1440&bih=676">Kuato</a> on her torso.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-72082507752365334742013-01-15T14:33:00.000-08:002013-01-15T14:33:20.817-08:00Vincent Smith's recollection of Clowney's hit.<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="300" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ENuZHnQlqX0" width="475"></iframe><br />
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What you see above is the horrific incident that Michigan running back Vincent Smith went through. This is <a href="http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/8846588/vincent-smith-michigan-wolverines-talks-hit-jadeveon-clowney-south-carolina-gamecocks" target="_blank">his story</a> ...<br />
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"I heard the snap. I knew it was coming to me. The ball. Not the hit. That was a surprise. All I remember is getting the ball, looking up and seeing Clowney inches from my nose. Then I blacked out. My spirt left my body for a few seconds, as I watched my soulless body be thrashed by that ungodly human being. Then Obi-Wan Kenobi floated down next to me. He told me he had to show me something. Time stopped at that point. The :07 point in the video. Then all of a sudden, I was whisked away to the day of my birth. Obi-Wan told me that from this point, my destiny was sealed. I watched as the doctor slapped my behind. I started to cry, like a little baby. Then Obi-Wan teleported us to my first day in elementary school. I was playing four square with my friends, when one of my school mates smacked the ball at full force at my nose. I fell over, crying. Obi-Wan muttered something under his breath. Sounded like 'little bitch,' and then turned to me and told me, 'I have one more.' It was my first prom. I looked so excited. I watched for 40 minutes as my date didn't show up. I started crying. Obi-Wan looked at me. 'Be strong young Padawan. Use the force.' All of a sudden I was back in my body. Somewhere around the :11 point. I could feel I was on the edge of tears. My eyes were watering. I couldn't breathe. I thought it was gonna be like all the other times in my life. And then I told my self to use the force. And I did. I fought through it. I stood up, and put my helmet on, and cried. Thanks to Obi-Wan, no one saw me, because I put my helmet on. It was really weird. I should go see a doctor."Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-89502601544495817482013-01-15T11:06:00.000-08:002013-01-15T11:06:39.179-08:00PUSSIES<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYj-aylr42aVss5Sy2dyZNM5YZiRCsStrarq-RuzUq-b_3LCmmATU9zkXrIhKd9ImETS8yvFXDICpV387AUZ6Tjb2BMqgiy73cVDVUDMQX1wQSTr8C8IJEKwwVHECPZ1F_wC38_XDe/s1600/Beautifull-cat-cats-14749885-1600-1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYj-aylr42aVss5Sy2dyZNM5YZiRCsStrarq-RuzUq-b_3LCmmATU9zkXrIhKd9ImETS8yvFXDICpV387AUZ6Tjb2BMqgiy73cVDVUDMQX1wQSTr8C8IJEKwwVHECPZ1F_wC38_XDe/s400/Beautifull-cat-cats-14749885-1600-1200.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OH SHIT, GIANT KITTEN.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
On Saturday, the Denver Broncos took a loss to the Ravens due to an overwhelming case of VAGINITIS. I was toying with putting a large vagina in the background of these two, but on second thought chose to put a kitten. Mostly because of how vulgar a giant vagina would look. Don't worry, I still made that photoshop. For my own edification, of course. *jerks off ferociously*<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
With 31 seconds left in the game and the ball with two timeouts, needing a field goal, Peyton Manning took a knee, confusing me and everyone. Such a pussified move. They ended up losing in double OT, and for good reason. Such a lack of balls will always result in a loss. And it was proven on Sunday that this was the wrong move to make. Atlanta in a similar situation ran 3 plays and got into field goal range and won against Seattle, all while presenting their large falcon testicles. Still, John Elway and John Fox agree with their sack-less decision.<br />
<br />
There's a <a href="http://espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs/2012/story/_/id/8844301/2013-nfl-playoffs-john-fox-john-elway-denver-broncos-stand-choice-take-knee-vs-baltimore-ravens">whole article</a> about it on ESPN. What's sad is they had just watched a team throw a long TD pass in like 5 seconds. You just saw it happen. It's in the realm of possibility of going down the field and winning, BECAUSE IT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED. Flacco, that's right, Flacco just scored on like 2 plays. You don't think Peyton Manning has that in him? Hell, even run a draw or something. See if you can catch the defense on their toes, and then assess the possibility. The Broncos just rolled over and then they got taken to pasture. Baltimore could not have had any more momentum. Taking this to overtime would just increase that momentum. Plus, the Raven defense was probably like "Fuck yeah, high fives bros" and wouldn't even be in the right mind to try and defend.<br />
<br />
Anyways, moral of the story is to never act like a bitch. Because bitches get stitches, and tossed in ditches, buried under a layer of dirt, a couple inches. <a href="http://images03.olx.com/ui/8/00/48/1282095016_106229248_1-Pictures-of--Lady-Gouldian-Finches-Please-Contact-El-Cajon-Ca-1282095016.jpg" target="_blank">Finches</a>.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-81277223537619226352013-01-14T14:38:00.002-08:002013-01-14T14:41:05.303-08:00Lance Armstrong is going to retroactively not lie tonight?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/182s0d9bvce8hjpg/original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/182s0d9bvce8hjpg/original.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm sorry for smoking pot before this picture</td></tr>
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Tonight, Lance Armstrong is going to apologize for being a bad liar for the past however many years. And Oprah is doing it, for some reason. Is it on the O channel or something? I'm still a bit fuzzy on the details. Just had a blood transfusion. I'm breathing so well right now. I FELL LIKE A FUCKING FIGHTER JET ENGINE IN HUMAN FORM.<br />
<br />
Anyways, I don't have an idea how they will long they will draw this apology out for, but my guess is that it's a 30 minute Oprah thing. I have no idea how they will fill that time. Probably with more apologies.<br />
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"I'm sorry, for 9-11. I should have had my bike there that day, so I could drive everyone out of the buildings"<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry for Hitler. My life goal was always to pedal fast enough on a bike to go back in time and smother Hitler's mom with a goose feather pillow. I let down my country, and more importantly, me."<br />
<br />
"I want to apologize for the Sandy Hook. I wanted to give everyone in America a bike. That would in turn boost the morale of the nation, and no one would be depressed or crazy, and want to shoot up a school. It's my fault. I am to blame." *holds out hands for cufflinks*<br />
<br />
"I DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR MARTIN LUTHER KING'S DEATH. HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED." *drops mic and walks off stage, all while keeping unblinking eye contact with Oprah*Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-36623412169197071212013-01-11T16:32:00.000-08:002013-01-11T16:32:29.399-08:00Gettin' ParLaid: SO MUCH SYMMETRY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzgLQS1YL0PIzY-sI57Zqu9l9O1cgloU1WJYoEhLEltus3DZUR12czmgh_SOmz6Q12EeZ7axa7j0ylbleJ__YVkPveDb7In8sz2uenhntcd_UlWNAxDm3XfsgMc2-CicmN-pQ8onS4/s1600/kate-upton-beach-bunny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzgLQS1YL0PIzY-sI57Zqu9l9O1cgloU1WJYoEhLEltus3DZUR12czmgh_SOmz6Q12EeZ7axa7j0ylbleJ__YVkPveDb7In8sz2uenhntcd_UlWNAxDm3XfsgMc2-CicmN-pQ8onS4/s400/kate-upton-beach-bunny.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Congrats folks, you've made it through the drudgery of another work week without setting your hair (or office building) aflame. I guess that means it's time to burn through some cash (looks like this weekend is off to a pleasant pyromaniacal theme). Speaking of flaming-hot sensations, that one on your loins is a good thing: it means you've been having copious amounts of bareback sex. (puts on rubber gloves) High five!<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Before we get into this week's action, I'd like to take a second to let you thank me for padding your bank accounts.<br />
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<b>Retarded gambler 1:</b> But Bubb, you won your Saturday bet and lost your Sunday bet, doesn't that mean you broke even?<br />
<br />
Well, good sir, if you had bet your games straight up like a PANT-PISSING PACIFICST PUSSY, then yes. You made a whopping zero dollars and probably spent your non-football weekend time reading HAIRSTYLIST WEEKLY MAGAZINE (available only in <a href="http://www.canhair.com/">Canada</a>, go figure).<br />
<br />
If you got ParLaid, like I did, you banked some COLD HARD <a href="http://i.imgur.com/D6eri.jpg">JACKLEWS</a> and plowed a sultry brunette with a nose ring and bowtie tattoos on the backs of her thighs. Go us.<br />
<br />
We have four more NFL games this weekend, but only two lines: 9 and 3.<br />
<br />
I'd give you explanations for why I'm betting the way I am, but what's the point? I made you money last time, and I'll do it again this weekend. No need to thank me in the comments section, just a Maker's Old Fashioned please. Here we go:<br />
<br />
<b>Parlay 1: </b>Broncos -9, Packers +3<br />
<b>Parlay 2: </b>Falcons -3, Texans +9<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/xvWceoIvWEA" width="560"></iframe><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-34346784574531547242013-01-11T10:51:00.002-08:002013-01-11T16:35:45.352-08:00Chudzinski (n) - To settle for, or fall back upon.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6nprB5OP5GzvEx2CHSIp0AKuiL4kVwn1JBDkR0Vg26LgLDOUhKcgmXUqDOGJItNm-JGmsgG7U5VrdI0wx2islfgXL3u-4UeEnty4AOLVNfPHoYs0oTo1KujfMKEltTje9cGXuJmH-/s1600/hi-res-124110080_crop_exact.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6nprB5OP5GzvEx2CHSIp0AKuiL4kVwn1JBDkR0Vg26LgLDOUhKcgmXUqDOGJItNm-JGmsgG7U5VrdI0wx2islfgXL3u-4UeEnty4AOLVNfPHoYs0oTo1KujfMKEltTje9cGXuJmH-/s400/hi-res-124110080_crop_exact.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Hello, my name is PC, and I hate apple products.</span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This must just be chudderly disappointing for Browns fans. This guy is a real stick in the chud, if you know what I'm saying. Cleveland almost had Chip Kelly and then chuddenly they are stuck with this guy. Honestly, we chudn't even believe it. It's seems like a joke. Cleveland really mischudged their coaching prospects. If they are stuck with this guy, It must have been a shallow chud of applicants filing in to HR at Browns HQ. Oh, god, the pun gun is misfireinCHUD. Dear, god. Oh the CHUDmanity. Women, CHUDlren. All of them being CHUDed down in the streets. We have to chudle around it to block it from the innocent civilians.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Oh, thank god. It's been restrained.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">God, I love the word chud. Sounds like the sound that comes from a mortar firing out of its tube. CHUD. Or when a fat person jumps in a bath tub. Or when you use a basketball as a volley ball and try to spike it. That's what Chud sounds like. I had to get the skinny, so I went to Urbandictionary.com to find a true definition.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">1. I<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">t means Canibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller and originates from the 1984 film C.H.U.D. But is now used to describe ugly stupid people. Most notably in the Kevin Smith film Clerks 2(2006). The phrase is mostly used in America but is now starting to become popular in the UK.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">2. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">Used to describe someone who is repulsively unattractive. Alternately, someone who is amateurish or unsuccessful in any given field.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">3. A</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;"> defecation of at least medium width and length with a meaty apperance; very firm, with little flexibility; </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">I'd argue, that these definitions describe the hiring process of Rob Chudzinski much better than any analyst could. Thank you internet, for giving us such great slang terms to describe terrible Browns moves. If only there were a slang for "Weeden". . .</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">1. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">Any one person who engages in sexual relations, whether voluntary or under the influence of alcohol, with large and/or hairy women.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">NAILED IT.</span></span>Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-27433921008525884062013-01-10T09:58:00.002-08:002013-01-10T18:34:16.757-08:00A point of view: Thoughts from Herman Sanders<i>Today we have a special guest, Herman Sanders, retiree, bringing his thoughts about sports and life.</i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/002/084/501/hi-res-98022862_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/002/084/501/hi-res-98022862_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75" width="400" /></a></div>
<i><br /></i>
My grandchildren, Marie and Steve, both like to call me Paps, and I would really hope that one day, all of you could call me that. I will start out by listing my achievements, so you can get better acquainted with me so you can respect my judgment for future writings.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I was born in 1954</li>
<li>I was born in Council Bluffs, Iowa</li>
<li>My favorite color as a child was blue</li>
<li>I played catcher in baseball all through high school</li>
<li>My first job out of high school was working textiles</li>
<li>With money from my first job, I purchased baseball cards that included Sandy Koufax</li>
</ul>
<br />
Now that you know a little about me, now I'm going to give you a few thoughts about the Hall of Fame inductions, or lack there of.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
I've never liked cheaters. Once, when I was raising my children, Collin and Tara, I was playing a game of checkers. It was with Collin of course. Women never have given me a challenge on the checker board. Anywho, Collin thought that he could pull a fast one on ole' Paps and tried to move his checker piece 3 squares instead of one. This was a clear violation of checkers law, so I taught him a lesson in the only way I knew how. Gave him three lashings at the pole. Just joshin'. That's a little joke I had with me and my former wife, Nancy. We've since split up. We used to say that when we spanked our kids, that it was like a negro being whipped by a slave owner. It was all fun and games in our household. Some have told me my humor is a bit "dicy" but you'll learn that over the coming articles. It's all fun and games.<br />
<br />
Where was I? Oh, yes, cheating. So, what you can take from my story is that I don't like cheating. And that is exactly what was happening over this period in baseball. Everyone was cheating, using substances that weren't legal in the game. This isn't the 60's anymore kids. Drugs aren't cool. In fact, no one is getting inducted to the Hall of Fame this year because of it. And I say, good riddance. They made a mockery of the sport I knew and loved. I told you about my Sandy Koufax card right? If I didn't, well, it must have slipped my mind.<br />
<br />
I was on Alta-Vista, as I always do in the morning, and came across <a href="http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/8831305/hall-famers-glad-barry-bonds-roger-clemens-denied">this</a> article. It says that older generations of hall of famers were applauding the outcomes of the balloting this year. I'd just like to say, I applaud their applauding. Goose Gossage said it would be a black eye to the sport if these cheaters were inducted. I would say, from my point of view, that it would be more like an ulcer like the one I had last year. It was painful as all get out. I didn't have insurance at the time, so I just dealt with the pain. I could barely go out to the grocery store and purchase my breakfast and eat it there. And that's what it would be like in baseball. It would be like skipping breakfast. You know, breakfast is the most important meal. Could you imagine baseball not having breakfast? It would be insane. I know all you young folks like to skip on breakfast. My grandchildren, Marie and Steve, always skip breakfast. It's terrible for them I should really tell their mother, Tara, my daughter. Without a proper breakfast, how can you live with the rest of the world, and their motorized scooters and hybrid cars.<br />
<br />
Anyways, I forgot my point. I guess I'll get going. I think you know how I feel about it.<br />
<br />
This has been <i>A Point of View: Thoughts from Herman Sanders</i>.<br />
<br />
I hope to see you around this way again. And maybe next time, I'll bring a pocket full of candy corn. I know you youngins love candy corn. You rascals.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-7191016645236485712013-01-09T15:16:00.005-08:002013-01-09T15:18:50.223-08:00TODAY IS AWFULNFL playoff time is always filled with mixed emotions for me. It's the exponentially steep slope at which the excitement of the season climaxes, which is nice, but I can't help but think about will happen come February 4. What follows the end of the football season is pretty much a month of meaningless basketball (during which time I will attempt to feign interest by gambling on the games and inevitably depleting a large portion of my bank account), then MARCH MADNESS (over-aggressively fervent gambling that, most likely, will yield the same damage to my net worth), another month of meaningless NBA action (no gambling because of Lent. Just kidding, I have no idea when Lent is, I'm Jewish), then NBA playoffs (excuse to grow facial hair and claim "playoff beard.").<br />
<br />
This is my long-winded way of saying I want to hold onto the next month as tightly as possible. Like Will Smith when he love-suffocated his dog in <i>I Am Legend</i>.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/xrGAp2VCRpo" width="420"></iframe>
<br />
See that? Are you crying yet? If not, you're about to...<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
HOCKEYSBACKHOCKEYSBACKHOCKEYSBACKMLBHALLOFFAMEBONDCLEMENSSTEROIDSLAZYBASEBALLWRITERSHOCKEYHOCKEY<br />
<br />
This is what my day has been like. The MLB Hall of Fame vote has been at the forefront of every sportscast, and now I have to look forward to hockey highlights getting interspersed into what would otherwise be PERFECTLY GOOD EPISODES OF SPORTSCENTER.<br />
<br />
Seriously, fuck off. I hope someone invents a cure for aging and/or death and gives it only to Gary Bettman and Bud Selig so they run their sports into nonexistence.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-51833335363695608702013-01-09T10:42:00.002-08:002013-01-09T10:43:12.264-08:00TOTAL RECONSTRUCTION<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBzKi6YdX1JHCU11Hmusw0ljc_dca9T4AcyJdArlHYp4TD9UfZI7YQ7kwRjRgy5sa1gMTx1maYDvk4WzhTbGjjTy4nwlU1EPLRbk0IQcHPkPPZ6La5Lbt2yjObdkjBFObBF_rPHhko/s1600/Redskins+RG3s+Knee+Football.JPEG-09625.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBzKi6YdX1JHCU11Hmusw0ljc_dca9T4AcyJdArlHYp4TD9UfZI7YQ7kwRjRgy5sa1gMTx1maYDvk4WzhTbGjjTy4nwlU1EPLRbk0IQcHPkPPZ6La5Lbt2yjObdkjBFObBF_rPHhko/s400/Redskins+RG3s+Knee+Football.JPEG-09625.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
From the song, TOTAL RECONSTRUCTION, by WRATH HAMMER BLOOD<br />
<br />
WATCH FOR THE SAFTEY<br />
*in unison* TOTAL RECONSTRUCTION<br />
WATCH OUT FOR THE GROUND<br />
*in unison* TOTAL RECONSTRUCTION<br />
NO ONE COMES OUT SAFELY<br />
*in unison* TOTAL RECONSTRUCTION<br />
PREPARE FOR THE POUND<br />
*in unison* TOTAL RECONSTRUCTION<br />
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That song is made up, but if I were a death metal band, this would sound so cool to me. As for a former RG3 fantasy owner, not so much. Not that I am keeping him next year, but damn. He paid my bills for about 14 weeks.<br />
<br />
Some would like to blame Mike Shanahan for the incident. That some would include me. That guy's a prick. They were fucking SUCKING DICK out there with him all injured and stuff. Just put in DeMarcus Cousins, or whatever his face is. It's not like you were gonna win the game down 2 scores with a QB who couldn't run or pass. Hehe. DeMarcus Cousins would be an upgrade.<br />
<br />
Anyways, It's all gone to hell now. His knees ARE TOTALED. DUNZO. SPANISH FOR EXTERMINATED. And to be honest, I'm pumped. That means he's gonna slip way down in fantasy drafts, and for a second straight year I can ride the Trey Train. TREY TRAIN WHISTLE GO WHOO WHOO.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-4369343010075966382013-01-08T13:34:00.001-08:002013-01-08T13:35:31.735-08:00Congrats everyone who took the over last night.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-AFpx0ltdFVgEZi2yvFB8dTnZiqLJlaPaQqH2dQDtSf6GnH7g-6GbSrET_EaT-nhxa_sNetkP3EElifV-OAkm4MQfky9S3eI32wuPJVMcF3t4DYCo__Z5NaTKmqT3iMzIMO5W4Ray/s1600/1836932-Elephant_Baby_Plays-Addo_Elephant_National_Park.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="332" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-AFpx0ltdFVgEZi2yvFB8dTnZiqLJlaPaQqH2dQDtSf6GnH7g-6GbSrET_EaT-nhxa_sNetkP3EElifV-OAkm4MQfky9S3eI32wuPJVMcF3t4DYCo__Z5NaTKmqT3iMzIMO5W4Ray/s400/1836932-Elephant_Baby_Plays-Addo_Elephant_National_Park.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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In a town with a team like the Miami Heat, you wouldn't on any given night think that they would be the third most hated team in that town, but last night they were. If we were to have a terrorist attack, and god forbid we don't but if we do I BLAME OBAMACARE, I would have preferred it be a nuke in Miami last night. Takes care of the Heat, Irish, and Rolling Tide. Also, I'd like to see a stagnant tide. If Alabama are the rolling tide, and they are elephants, does that mean the stagnant tide would be a clam? I don't know.<br />
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Anyways, there is so little to talk about from this game I'm getting skewed from my point of this article, which is ... IS THAT A BIRD OUTSIDE. I'M GONNA PUT A BIRD ON IT.<br />
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A.D.D. ACTIVATED - I NEED HOT CHICKS.<br />
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Kristen Saban -<br />
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Donkey Face ... errr ... Katherine Webb -<br />
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A.D.D. SESSION COMPLETE.<br />
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Those two pictures explain more about last night that any amount of game film study could. Two hot chicks, on the Alabama's side. None for Notre Dame. That's what you get for being Jesus Prudes. Way to bore us in the bedroom and the football field Irish. Stick to what you're good at, which is ... drinking? Sure, drinking. And racial epitaphs.<br />
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<br />Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-43709400590856827062013-01-07T14:52:00.000-08:002013-01-07T14:52:50.475-08:00Welcome, the new Lakers front court. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGNb5y1C6yBxT-WkZPYHYgOqFF5DAJWPLKJB4GnLh4Be3oMfhZeawwvNJTl49AC8HdYBL66axGGdCUrwOCGP3edrWYb5BJdZnOo0_MKengw_OtFN9YPwrn1_qV1pKoHQYBrVg_hzrD/s1600/los-angeles-lakers-logo-448x336.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGNb5y1C6yBxT-WkZPYHYgOqFF5DAJWPLKJB4GnLh4Be3oMfhZeawwvNJTl49AC8HdYBL66axGGdCUrwOCGP3edrWYb5BJdZnOo0_MKengw_OtFN9YPwrn1_qV1pKoHQYBrVg_hzrD/s400/los-angeles-lakers-logo-448x336.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Here comes the best front court in the Los Angeles are not named the Clippers. Both Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol are now out. Both, because of severe hurtfeelingitis. They contracted it from Kobe Bean Bryant who was being a real meanie head to them. Sources close to the situation are reporting that Kobe called Dwight a, and I quote, "Fatty fat, McCan't Make a Post Move." This sent Howard into a deep depression, eventually leading to him trying to kill himself by jumping head first off a step stool, leading to a shoulder injury.<br />
<br />
Gasol was injured trying to beat the voices out of his head on a mirror in the Lakers bathroom, sustaining a concussion. The psych ward is telling us that the voices were Kobe's, and were chanting "YOU'LL NEVER BE YOUR BROTHER."<br />
<br />
The Lakers now turn to Antawn Jamison at the power forward, who is known to have the shortest vertical by any black guy ever. At center, they turn to Jordan Hill, who is also known to have a short vertical, and also, the worst hair in the league. Both are terrible, and just emphasize the horrendous team that is the 2013 Lakers. I love this NBA season.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-67015659390261854672013-01-07T08:29:00.000-08:002013-01-07T08:29:13.705-08:00More like Flip Kelly...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKy4NqtJva9d21rLMlFyvQbPg1vs51kPn4NshBdy3mGLyGB6DHfp0T08qSBlK5ajnV7cgcQQ-e48ofYUoq_dOHO9HPfNjBmFXOIh2zpvrXeg5EAB1tGghPVeRODhFnDIm_h_hcABi1/s1600/chewy+chocolate+white+chip+cookies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKy4NqtJva9d21rLMlFyvQbPg1vs51kPn4NshBdy3mGLyGB6DHfp0T08qSBlK5ajnV7cgcQQ-e48ofYUoq_dOHO9HPfNjBmFXOIh2zpvrXeg5EAB1tGghPVeRODhFnDIm_h_hcABi1/s400/chewy+chocolate+white+chip+cookies.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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It was all gonna be peachy. Browns have a new coach, who was going to make them interesting for the first time in 15 years. Kelly was finally gonna pursue the job that would make him attain his goal, having a shot to be number 1. Sure as hell ain't doing it at Oregon. They could win every game by 60 next year and still not get into a championship game. That's because the BCS mafia are RACIST. AGAINST THE SAMOANS. Instead, he's going back to Oregon.<br />
<br />
Now, the Browns lean towards more conventional means of picking a coach, like getting one from Syracuse or Rutgers, or Louisville, or basically any Big East school. They're all available. Especially UCONN's head coach. They won't even have a conference in a few years. He'd probably pay you to be your coach. Think of all the money you could save Cleveland. Put that towards something useful. Like a Vespa. Or a Lebron James ever-burning memorial in downtown Cleveland. Or drafting another Big 12 quarterback who is incapable of completing passes. Might I suggest this <a href="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/001/972/325/hi-res-155401332_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75">one?</a>Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-74661184933908502192013-01-04T17:26:00.002-08:002013-01-04T17:34:42.824-08:00Gettin' Par-Laid: NFL Playoffs Divisional Round<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjImZh-0RmzpRT7zK4K56s8sdKTX3sye2tjKq37viv2YjZUqM-OVpBI9rrCn7binAbOMjFdTEvPcxUMXhwAgo-Uoo_KcZBEWCWLswkSSvPzbp1An9rxYx-QEyXgNG_yHApv8nbOoI59/s1600/hotweirdthing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjImZh-0RmzpRT7zK4K56s8sdKTX3sye2tjKq37viv2YjZUqM-OVpBI9rrCn7binAbOMjFdTEvPcxUMXhwAgo-Uoo_KcZBEWCWLswkSSvPzbp1An9rxYx-QEyXgNG_yHApv8nbOoI59/s400/hotweirdthing.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
For many, Friday is the day of the week we all yearn for. It's the bikini-clad supermodel that makes all the other days of the work week seem like <a href="http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2012/features/cita/121105/rebel-wilson-320.jpg">Rebel Wilson</a>. Except Thursday. Thursday is Zosia Mamet because she's almost super bangable but not quite there. Yes, I watch "Girls" and have a thing for the Jews. Fuck you.<br />
<br />
Friday is also payday. So, it is only appropriate that the reoccurring series where we take your hard-earned coin and turn it into greater amounts of (slightly easier-earned) coin would debut on a Friday. It's not gambling if you're always right.<br />
<br />
Plus, it's the weekend. The weekend means sex. Sex with your Significant Other, Anonymous Sex, Animal Costume Sex, One-Night-Stands, Gangbangs, Swingers Parties, and old-fashioned Dating (UGH, SO EXPENSIVE). Indulging in one of these individual sex acts, like betting on a single sports game, is fun. Thrilling, even. But when piggybacked with others will blow your Pituitary gland to kingdom come. I know...phrasing.<br />
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So, without further ado, let's get you Par-Laid.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>We're out the gate with four NFL Divisional playoff games this weekend. Goes without saying that you'll parlay the two Saturday games with each other and you'll do the same with Sunday's slate.<br />
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Parlay 1: Texans -4.5, Packers -8<br />
Everyone is down on the Texans. Why? THEY SUCK. And the Bengals have won seven of their last eight games or something ridiculous that shouldn't be getting overlooked, but is. To this, I say: THROW LOGIC TO THE WIND, THIS IS GAMBLING, DAMMIT.<br />
<br />
This segues perfectly to the reasoning behind my Packers bet: Christian Ponder is awful, Adrian Peterson is no longer chasing a record (and probably suffering intense depression for falling just nine yards short of said record), you probably can't name a single player on the Vikings' defense other than Jared Allen, and Christian Ponder is awful.<br />
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Parlay 2: Colts +7, Redskins +3<br />
I'll keep the first explanation relatively simple: Chuck Pagano un-cancering two-thirds of the way though this year > Ray Lewis un-retiring two-thirds of the way through next year.<br />
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The Seahawks as road favorites is beyond comprehension. I don't care how "hot" you are. The team's three road wins are:<br />
<ul>
<li>Carolina, early in the season when Cam thought that offseason hype meant a guaranteed playoff spot.</li>
<li>Chicago, after trailing for 90 percent of the game and putting together a final drive against an old, tired, turnover-dependent Bears defense (which, otherwise, was really was mediocre at best)</li>
<li>Buffalo (needs no explanation).</li>
</ul>
As the wise Cousin Sal once said - bet the farm, and then tomorrow morning you'll have two farms.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-67406704002220360572013-01-04T15:36:00.000-08:002013-01-04T15:38:10.259-08:00What?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFTovljxGoa06UUgXxUq_UD65D-pexuDl0mYtkKYRYkvBQ8h29_yosRq7dsn65FnvcuICjeYNXVFN1PPW66Mv3bnH0_c8qf-LnI2DhNL1C9l0rp1T6VQb4OdO5UexGW20GmzPvUxx1/s1600/chewy+chocolate+white+chip+cookies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFTovljxGoa06UUgXxUq_UD65D-pexuDl0mYtkKYRYkvBQ8h29_yosRq7dsn65FnvcuICjeYNXVFN1PPW66Mv3bnH0_c8qf-LnI2DhNL1C9l0rp1T6VQb4OdO5UexGW20GmzPvUxx1/s400/chewy+chocolate+white+chip+cookies.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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You know, some people might have regrets about photoshopping a photo like this just for a shitty pun, but I sure don't. I have no respect for <i>judgment</i>. This right here makes me laugh. It's god damn Chocolate Chip Kelly. I don't think I've loved anything more in my life. If my wife were pregnant, and this came out of her, I would pass out. Because of proudness. I'm so proud of this creation.<br />
<br />
Not that it means anything, but I seems like CCK (Chocolate Chip Kelly) is going to the Browns. You heard it here first, or on twitter or something. But pretty sure it's happening. I've got sources. Warm, gooey, fresh out of the oven sources.<br />
<br />
And he won the Fiesta bowl last night. With all this Chip Kelly news, I had to do it. If I had the proper software to turn this into a gif where the Chip Kelly heads spin, I would literally die of pride/dizziness.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-19159638867855742262013-01-04T15:07:00.000-08:002013-01-04T15:08:30.480-08:00It's Cool Arizona. I've Got Your Proof.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKrh4lYcw_tMDQ72o3a3LLTLM0b7hJudWFDy6xdbybUC8JhFmAWtpw-Dg4NjjOxhrbvZaievvDxPljt2VT-SH007SkaSdMZQ6DIaKSQejO1iyqClLUGylgKhg_2gxczQnKSz2dO5_I/s1600/A_vBCodCUAAOf68.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKrh4lYcw_tMDQ72o3a3LLTLM0b7hJudWFDy6xdbybUC8JhFmAWtpw-Dg4NjjOxhrbvZaievvDxPljt2VT-SH007SkaSdMZQ6DIaKSQejO1iyqClLUGylgKhg_2gxczQnKSz2dO5_I/s400/A_vBCodCUAAOf68.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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There it is ladies and gentlemen. I have the first proof that Tad Boyle is being a little whiny bitch. He's still touching it. It's not the only angle I have either. Click below to find some more juicy "Colorado is a bunch of fucking babies," goodness. You legalized pot. Get over yourselves. You have plenty to look forward to when you get home. Like watching <i>Goonies</i> at 4 a.m.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7wfR_yfOARBAfpkYcN9tkicTZutAsddgVGLWD3Fvq63GPmXJ5TFGAyWodQhYMgIG6Nfl_pqiuYZg8p4Ih1SaybMJzR_EuJWdYpwfNlfzjJOYtDIXK79ZhTZpxMRcaWvPcZr_Q666R/s1600/A_vBCodCUAAOf68.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7wfR_yfOARBAfpkYcN9tkicTZutAsddgVGLWD3Fvq63GPmXJ5TFGAyWodQhYMgIG6Nfl_pqiuYZg8p4Ih1SaybMJzR_EuJWdYpwfNlfzjJOYtDIXK79ZhTZpxMRcaWvPcZr_Q666R/s400/A_vBCodCUAAOf68.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Oh shit. How'd this get there. NO. SHIT. DON'T HIT SUBMIT. ARIZONA WON, GOD DAMN YOU. ARIZONA WON.</div>
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And that is Acting 101. Noticed how I fooled you into believing I am an Arizona fan. I <b><i>became</i></b> an Arizona fan right there, not unlike Michael Fassbender becomes a guy with a huge crank in <i>Shame</i>.</div>
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As you can clearly see in the real photo (the second one), Colorado not only got the shot off, but also won the game. Seemingly with about 9 inches to spare. Speaking of, Fassbender has 9 inches to spare, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. AWW YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN GAY FELLAS AND STRAIGHT LADIES.</div>
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But, for real tho, Tad Boyle needs to stop bitching. Replay get's like 99% of these calls right. Just because you got fucked by the 1% doesn't mean you should cry about the system. Fucking 1 percenters. Always bitching about too much regulation. WELL GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL. It keeps us out of recessions. Jeeze. I should really be an actor turned politician. I'm so proficient at both. </div>
Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-9722499435448545082013-01-03T20:50:00.000-08:002013-01-03T20:50:51.896-08:00Prease Don't Reave Olegon, Chip Kerry!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8WCN4WMhDjJrbOiYfqSDUQTa6Q0vAxQreH0fW51AAFelwjkr_h5CKzZO9Tk5qbAWmqBnotqWlQiekMTfNyDN2XHHBTX7N5wbILH3v4QH-MsW21FeM-on8GPQJ1emqK9hUjfJv9toKSik/s1600/image.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8WCN4WMhDjJrbOiYfqSDUQTa6Q0vAxQreH0fW51AAFelwjkr_h5CKzZO9Tk5qbAWmqBnotqWlQiekMTfNyDN2XHHBTX7N5wbILH3v4QH-MsW21FeM-on8GPQJ1emqK9hUjfJv9toKSik/s320/image.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Looks like Oregon's victory in the Fiesta Bowl may not be the only happy ending Chip Kelly gets...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-5197648394992610272013-01-03T15:54:00.001-08:002013-01-03T15:54:37.849-08:00Can BBQ replace Philly Cheese Steaks?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha7kUNB8umXOR3wvX44XqbgSSPObOenhMgxVDQDySNWaxv3_VETTxfcBwNfUsfcK2KE-5GOo291u5ECrbFi64YlCdNEJFSrV_rZRLPujYD66dmh8E1Fe9fch6ZNOd7QQ-oKc55ibAa/s1600/reid-wont-wuit-4_3_r560.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha7kUNB8umXOR3wvX44XqbgSSPObOenhMgxVDQDySNWaxv3_VETTxfcBwNfUsfcK2KE-5GOo291u5ECrbFi64YlCdNEJFSrV_rZRLPujYD66dmh8E1Fe9fch6ZNOd7QQ-oKc55ibAa/s400/reid-wont-wuit-4_3_r560.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Not with theses walrus lips. Can you imagine how much more splatter will spray into this stache when he's at Arthur Bryant's BBQ. There's not enough paper printed at the Denver mint to wipe Andy Reid's body after he gets into a bowl of barbecue sauce and burnt ends.<br />
<br />
Reid's primed, and perfect for Kansas City. The town of Kansas City, not so much the football team from Kansas City. If you commissioned a painter to paint a typical white guy from Kansas City, you'd get Andy Reid. I mean, the unnecessary and gross mustache is a staple of Kansas City. And by the way, why is it that fat guys insist on having moustaches? Like it's somehow going to improve you metabolism because of the added lip weight.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
Back to Reid, because just like Matt Cassel, he can't read a defense. Did anyone watch the Eagles this year? The Chiefs have already had years of not aptly using their best player. Just ask LeSean McCoy how it feels to be the best player, and also not get the ball. Is everyone ready to see Jamaal Charles get 3 rushing touches and 19 screen passes for 45 total yards, cause that's what's gonna happen.<br />
<br />
Although, Reid does have some things to offer. Jovan Belcher was a pretty depressing situation. Andy Reid is used to pretty depressing situations. He has the worst kids. It's incredible how poorly his kids came out. Andy must have just spent years mentally fucking with his kids for them to come out there.<br />
<br />
"Dad, can I have some cookies today."<br />
<br />
*Molesting a cookie with his mouth* "Son. You can have a cookie WHEN JASON AVANT BECOMES A SERVICEABLE RECEIVER."<br />
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And that's how he coaches I imagine.<br />
<br />
Michael Vick - "Should I bail on the pocket if I'm under pressure?"<br />
<br />
*Molesting a battery found on the field* "Son. You can leave the pocket WHEN JASON AVANT BECOMES A SERVICEABLE RECEIVER."<br />
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And that's what you're getting Kansas City. Bon Appetite.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-8617112685573376732013-01-03T15:28:00.000-08:002013-01-03T15:55:19.528-08:00Hello.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Didn't see you there.<br />
<br />
No, of course I did. Why else would I be balls-deep in a Turkish call girl in the middle of an elementary school book fair?<br />
<br />
If you didn't quite follow that metaphor: the book fair is this blog, the girl is you and I'm...me. I think. You're welcome.<br />
<br />
It's been a wild ride since I last PERM'D, as Wilt and I refer to it. My celebrity status peaked as a <a href="http://tosh.comedycentral.com/video-clips/web-redemption---bubb-rubb---uncensored">Web Redemption on Tosh.0</a>, and since then I've mostly been gambling my appearance fee money away. This leads me to my next two updates:<br />
<br />
A.) I will be incorporating a significantly higher amount of gambling-related content.<br />
2.) I am broke, so please share this post with your friends because pageviews pay shit, but it's still more than THE PARLAY-WRECKING INABILITY OF THE PACKERS' DEFENSE TO STOP ADRIAN PETERSON.<br />
<br />
Hopefully our former readers will be excited about our return, but if I had to guess, I'd bet most of them are jobless substance abusers whose internet access has been relegated to a computer at the public library.<br />
<br />
Which sucks because our URL is probably blocked for the assumed sexual content.<br />
<br />
Happy Perming, and I'll see you in the comments section. As always, pants optional.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-44726934848105414412013-01-03T14:44:00.003-08:002013-01-03T14:46:25.772-08:00Herm's Perm Redux We're firing this bad bitch back up today. Seems sudden, and random, but when it comes to New Years resolutions I don't quaver. I don't know how it's going to look from now on. Stories could be sporadically posted, or come in heaps, or I could end a sentence with a preposition like I just did. Who knows. All I know is I will give efforts. If it's your first time, I'll explain why this is called Herm's Perm. Although you should already know, because at one point we were shown on ESPN. So fuck you for not knowing. This isn't on us.<br />
<br />
Anyways, the theme of the blog formed quite a few years ago. Bubb and I were doing freestyling by ourself to instrumentals from rap songs. As most freestyles by white guys go, it was random and awkward. And out of one of those awkward white rhymes came a terrible rap line.<br />
<br />
"If Obama had a perm he wouldn't win . . . or maybe Herm . . . Edwards."<br />
<br />
It wasn't til later that we started this sports blog, and out of pure unadulterated randomness, we had to choose the most inside of inside jokes to label our blog. Herm's Perm. And people continue to question that decision daily, and yet we hold steady. Because photoshopping perms onto Herm Edwards' head never gets old. Never.Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-29644361743665039712011-04-14T14:14:00.000-07:002011-04-14T14:14:09.128-07:00Well Then.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img.fanbase.com/media.fanbase.com/8/15326/a71820f674de4d27028573976f376483564d9a59.jpg?x=744&y=460&sig=e6b892cfe269f323c3ed1a5fc445cde2" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="246" src="http://img.fanbase.com/media.fanbase.com/8/15326/a71820f674de4d27028573976f376483564d9a59.jpg?x=744&y=460&sig=e6b892cfe269f323c3ed1a5fc445cde2" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HIGH FIVE. I'M GOING TO THE IOWA ENERGY</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div>It's cool that Josh Selby has decided to leave. And I have no problem with his decision at all. He's clearly got the statistics to back up such a move. He played 26 games. TWENTY-SIX. That's like playing TWO high school seasons. So he got plenty of game time. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Then he averaged 7.9 points a game. Doesn't look that good, but consider this. He didn't have his headband. So, under the law of "Apparel Depreciation" he should have dropped his scoring average by 90%. So really, only dropping 60% isn't that bad. THE STATISTICS ARE THERE GUYS.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The guy shot 37% from the field. Like only 400 other players did that this year. He even shot a SCORCHING 36% from three. That puts him in the top 80th percentile among guards. THE NUMBERS ARE SO INCORRIGIBLE. </div><div><br />
</div><div>And, lets not forget how good he was at being on the court. He only missed TWELVE games. You know who missed more games? Kyrie Irving and Robbie Hummel. And guess what they are doing right now? ONE IS GOING TO THE NBA AND THE OTHER IS GOING BACK TO SCHOOL. That's enough evidence right there for Josh to leave. IT'S CALLED PRECEDENT YO. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0medsxv0Kkx6k1EIWgIYMdX3D0uIfGpyChyO5oM4hS7ihy3qJcm7RlRXw39LEVWjeiDhDpbFK9wMh60uV8Vx09KH-bOMaAUOEF7omAZBqa-LRPzzXBQTyVpJ_tTvT9iIHUJBy-T1A/s1600/selb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="65" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0medsxv0Kkx6k1EIWgIYMdX3D0uIfGpyChyO5oM4hS7ihy3qJcm7RlRXw39LEVWjeiDhDpbFK9wMh60uV8Vx09KH-bOMaAUOEF7omAZBqa-LRPzzXBQTyVpJ_tTvT9iIHUJBy-T1A/s400/selb.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br />
</div><div>And let us not forget how he told us of his decision. Through his PR savvy, he implemented his twitter account to tell everyone in one quick motion. That way there is no confusion. No need to set up a press conference or tell Bill Self. Just hit it (the iphone buttons) and quit it. That's what a true athlete does.</div><div><br />
</div><div>So good luck on your adventures in the NBA. Surely you will be a lottery pick, and if my predictions are correct, you should be the next Von Wafer. </div><div><br />
</div>Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8660163667801293268.post-2684307890848380642011-03-04T14:30:00.000-08:002011-03-04T14:31:24.598-08:00Klay Thompson Ridin' Dirty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>Two guys sitting in a GMC Envoy outside dorms.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i><br />
</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i></i><a href="http://blog.seattletimes.nwsource.com/huskyhoops/USC_Washington_St_Basketball_WADH105.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="http://blog.seattletimes.nwsource.com/huskyhoops/USC_Washington_St_Basketball_WADH105.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Klay Thompson - UGH. Crazy game tonight huh Faisal. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/001/071/500/101114_wsu_southern_bkc_crop_340x234.jpg?1290007788" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/001/071/500/101114_wsu_southern_bkc_crop_340x234.jpg?1290007788" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Faisal Aden - What?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - I said, 'crazy game last night'</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - Yeah. (reaches in pocket)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - What are you getting ou–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - Weed.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - WHAT?!!?! Dude, do you know what my parents would do if I brought their car back with the smell of weed in i–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - Chill bro. I got this Wiz Khalifa CD. Put it in the player. (pulls out rolling papers)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - NO YOU CAN'T SMO– Hold on. I don't like arab music.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - (licks paper) Not arab. (rolls paper)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Seriously Faisal. Stop making that weed.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - (puts cd in) Just chill dude. I got this.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - I don't doubt that you d–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - ARE YOU RACIST MUTHA FUCKA?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Wha–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - JUST CUZ I'M BLACK, YOU ASSUUUUMMMME THAT I KNOW HOW TO SMOKE WEED?!?!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Well... you did just roll a joint in like 4 sec–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - START THE FUCKING CAR KLAY. BEFORE I LIGHT THIS JOINT AND PUT IT OUT ON YOUR NECK.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Fine. (starts car) So where are we going?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - To Mount Fiji (lights joint)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - How 'bout a place in legitimate driving distance.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - In that case (takes hit and holds) Mt. St. Hellens (lets hit go) <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMDzmbwcCWw">PFTHEHAHEHEHE!</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - No seriously. Where. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - Juss to mah house (takes hit) Oh I luv this joint. (turns up song.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Alright.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(gets to house)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - Alright. I'm out.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Alright. Don't forget your CD.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Aden - Aw shit. yeah. Thanks.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Yeah. No problem.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(Aden closes door)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">FUCKING ASSHOLE. Where the fuck is my fabreze? Oh here it is. What? Dammit Aiden. left your fuckin wee–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(knock on window)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://policelink.monster.com/nfs/policelink/attachment_images/0001/1338/police_officer_2_crop380w.jpg?1212573205" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="http://policelink.monster.com/nfs/policelink/attachment_images/0001/1338/police_officer_2_crop380w.jpg?1212573205" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - SHIT.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(rolls down window)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - Did you know that your rear driver side brake light is – (nose crinkles) Sir have you been smoking marijuana?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Uhh, no sir ossiffer.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - Step out of the car please.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Uh, sure. I swear it is my friend's.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - You just said you didn't have anything.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Ummm–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - I'm gonna do a quick search. (searches car) What is this?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - School project?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - Oh ok.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Really?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - NOPE! You're gonna need to find a ride. Did you know that a ticket for Marijuana is a 400 dollar fine and six months diversion. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - No. It's really not mi–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - And it also will dissapoint your parents</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson -But it was my fien–</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - And I'm sure it will keep you out the UCLA game.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Wha?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(Officer Gary pulls out note pad with Bruins logo on it)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thompson - Shit</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Officer Gary - Yep (finishes ticket. Get's back in car) SEE YA KLAY!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yPcN6nZz084/0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yPcN6nZz084/0.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Wilt Stiltshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02068617040545259155noreply@blogger.com0