Watching Young Talented Children Play with Balls.

New York vs Texas. A heated rivalry that dates back decades to the days when people actually gave a shit about character. Only one sport has brought out the ferociousness of this rivalry. Little League Baseball. These kids hate each other more than Braylon Edwards hates catching passes. Think of the toughest rivalries in the world: Russia vs US, Chelsea vs Man U, Duke vs NC. This one tops them all. These kids were specifically engineered for this day, where the two states face off. We can all expect some fireworks on the field tonight, and probably multiple base running errors. So go kids, flaunt your talents, 'cuz maybe someday, with the help of HGH, you can become Gary Sheffield. A prude asshole that holds his bat like he's Michael J. Fox. Ok. Time to be hypercritical of 11 year olds.

Hey, Michael Phelps can still find free time between his busy schedule of swimming and underwater weed vaporizing to enjoy the little things in life.

"I was flipping through the channels and came across the little league world series on tv. it brought back a bunch of memories to when I played baseball before I gave it up to concentrate on swimming (think that ended up being a good choice), but I am still a fan."

First of all, did he learn English from Helen Keller? Just 'cuz you won 8 golds doesn't excuse you from proper punctuation and capitalization. Second of all, the closest he would have ever gotten to a major league baseball team is the San Fran Bay. Anyways, the game is calling me.

First Inning-

Top-Wow the entirety of the NY team has a major dick crush on Jason Marquis. Since when has a mediocre starter been this popular? Nick Adenhart? Darryl Kile? Well apparently Marquis didn't teach these guys hitting 'cuz they've banked 2 hits in 2 at bats....make that 3. Unfortunately, a double play takes two of those runners down and leaves a couple on second and third. Then a Greinke esque curveball K's some kid to finish the top. That's how you win games. Load the bases and then strikout and ground out. Someone has been watching the Royals a bit too much.

Bottom-I remember the day when these kids would announce Big Papi as their fav. Now it's Josh Hamilton and Chase Utley. Baseball is going backwards. As NY can't hit the strike zone, I think to myself, how hard is it to hit the mit at this age? These kids are almost 6 foot tall and pitching 3/4 closer than they should be. Yet, their accuracy is worse than Dick Cheney's. A walk and then a double assisted with an outfield bobble leads to second and third and no one out. Single and one run comes in, and a wild pitch heads to the backstop and another comes in. 2 K's and the Texans look to strand a runner so NY won't feel so bad. And they do. Solid strategy by the coaches.

Second Inning-

Top- Impressive play by the second basemen who dives with his 14" glove and hands it to the first baseman. This is what pisses me off in little league. The fields are way too small. I'm not saying it should be 90' bases, but at least make the field look like the players should be playing on it. Instead it looks like you have a field full of Yao Mings out there. Oh, and there was a 1 2 3 inning. Bleh

Bottom-Oh god no. They have a kid reporter talking to the damn kids. Where is Erin Andrews? That's the only reason the fathers come to Williamsport. Good god. New York's third baseman has to be Troy Glaus' son. He's bigger than an airforce base. Anyways there is 2 outs now and a runner on first. No one gives a shit about the outcome, but TX is up 2 nil. Double down the left field line brings in a run and brings the camera towards the fans. Who else gets pissed off when they show the parents? I mean, we fucking know your excited. It's a stipulation when your a parent. This is a long ass inning now. A two out rally produces two runs and two runners. It also produces the coach from the dugout to take out the kid who wont be sleeping for the next month. Newbie comes in and shuts 'em down.

Third Inning-

Top-This inning is so boring. Walk and then a single up the middle. This is just frustrating. I want some damn home runs. Shit, the bases are loaded now. Grand slam ties it up, but TX pegs a batter drawing in a run. There are no outs too. Double play and the inning finishes.

Bottom-Ugh, two and half innings is enough of this shit. I'm just splattering profanity on the page now. Maybe I'll do the international one so I can make fun of how awkward the other countries' kids are. Also, for anyone still reading, There will be a season preview for the college football season upcoming. Hopefully it will be entertaining. Don't get too damn excited though. It's just a preview. Just wait for a season recap. It'll blow your condom off.

Stras-full Negotiations

Let's look at the Nationals 2009 stat line. 43-75 record on pace to lose 100 games. Dead last in the National League in ERA, batting average against, OPS, WHIP and quality starts. It's ok though. Don't worry yourselves DC fans, 'cuz you drafted the surest thing since....ever. Yet, the Nationals management has so far failed in signing the guy, who was drafted in early June, and today is the deadline for the Nats to sign him.

Forget that fact that waiting two and a half months to sign him keeps him off the field for that long. Also forget that Strasburg, would potentially be Opening Day material for Washington next year with the three months of minor league experience under his belt. None of this matters 'cuz right now, it doesn't look optimistic for Washington fans who had their guy opt out last year.

The fact the DC isn't throwing a multiple millions at the kid is completely unreasonable. What do that Nationals have to loose? They are absolutely abysmal in every single starting pitching category and Strasburg would improve the team right away.

Honestly, how many people could name the Nats' starters this year? I know I couldn't without the help of ESPN. Infact I couldn't give you a single name. John Lannan, Craig Stammen, Garett Mock, J.D. Martin, and Collin Balester. Any of those sound familiar? Sure don't to me. I almost wonder if the Nationals just pick their starting pitchers by whether they have double, adjacent consonants in their names. Lannan, Stammen, Garett, Collin. I would almost bet that more people know who Strasburg is, and he hasn't spent a day in the majors.

So, If the Nationals were to sign anyone this offseason, this is the guy. Money should not be an issue. Getting this guy on the field ASAP should be the issue, and clearly that's not the case for DC. I pray to god that they sign them, just for the 3 fans that are still loyal. But, then again, the Royals might have the top pick next year.

Lame Shane, So Fucking Lame

So, If you haven't heard, Shane Victorino has filed a police report on the incident last night when a Cubs fan 'deliberately' tossed a full beer on Shane's head while camping under fly ball. First of all, what is this guy thinking? It's a full beer and we all know those prices. Plus, the Cubs were already being spread by 10 runs. All I can think was that it was a complete accident and he was over the limit and thought "I'm so fucking druuuuuunkkk!, Pete watch how far I can throw this....PETE WATCH!"

Secondly, why does Victorino care? He caught the ball, and thanks to the added difficulty, will probably earn his second gold glove thanks to to play. Shane should almost be thanking the guy, not charging him.

Third of all, how good was that toss? I mean seriously he nailed a moving Victorino directly in the forehead with a beer. Half the players on the field wouldn't be able to make that throw, more or less a drunk Cubs fan. Hey the White Sox could use another outfielder. Sign his ass up.

Dear Baseball, Go Die.

Six years ago, this would have been the happiest day of my life. A four-game sweep of the Red Sox, culminated by an exciting late-inning comeback in the final game to push the Yankees’ AL East lead to six and a half. It would have been more euphoric than chugging a gallon of morphine.

Instead, it’s just another Monday.

Six years ago, I would have loved to spend my Sunday night listening to Joe Morgan and Jon Miller drone on about the storied rivalry between my beloved Yanks and the goddamned Sawx.

Now, I fall asleep halfway through the Titans-Bills preseason game.

My feelings toward the Yankees – and baseball – have grown skeptical, distrusting and downright curmudgeon-y. I’ve resorted to watching soccer to get my sports fix this summer. I was actually excited to see Vince Young play like a Special Olympian in a meaningless football game last night.

Has a lot changed in baseball over the past six years? Technically, no. But my perception of it certainly has.

As a Yankee fan, the absence of a salary cap used to be my best friend. Now, as Buzz Bissinger so eloquently said, it pisses the shit out of me. I should be happy about the Yankees going back to their farm system with solid homegrown talent like Melky Cabrera, Robinson Cano, Joba, Phil Hughes and Phil Coke. But not when they go out and buy Texeira, Burnett and Sabathia.

I absolutely loved the Tampa Bay Rays’ 2008 run. So what if I caught most of it on the morning SportsCenter highlights because I now find baseball less entertaining than C-SPAN? I still relished the fact that a team on welfare could beat out two rich, self-entitled franchises for the division and league titles. You can probably imagine my level of loathing when the Yankees responded to this embarrassment by donating $161 million to Darfur Sabathia’s stomach and another $262.5 million for Burnett and Tex.

My league fanship has decreased concordantly with the exposure of the steroids epidemic. In my book, baseball players are only a small step above golfers and NASCAR drivers when it comes to athleticism. They don’t need to be exceptional runners or jumpers; they must have enough strength to swing an object that weighs less than five pounds; they won’t ever endure a sprint longer than 360 feet. So why the fuck do these people find the need to dope more than Keith Richards?

I don’t think I’ll ever come back to baseball, and certainly not to the Yankees. The game’s become watered-down with Balco and big-bucks. It no longer deserves the “America’s Pastime” moniker. “America’s Pasttime” is Babe Ruth snorting lines, chugging beers and hitting 714 home runs. With that, there’s only one person who can save the MLB for me.

Good luck, Josh.