THIS IS ALL I MUST SAY

Preseason Partying and Bullshit - Big 12

This will be the final year with 12 teams in the Big 12, which will make this conference just as bad as the Big 11. I sincerely hope the conference changes it's name to the Big 10. YOU CAN TAKE OUR TEAMS BUT WE CAN TAKE YOUR NAME. And if the Big 10 insists on keeping that ridiculously incorrect name, then we'll have two Big 10's. Suck on it.

As for this year, there will be 12 teams and the name can stay for it's final season, as Nebraska will be exiting to the Big 12(?). There, they will be constantly beaten by Ohio State, Penn State and Iowa instead of the doldrums of Texas and Oklahoma. And that's where we'll begin

Oklahoma and Texas have new quarterbacks that everyone is feeding down your throats as the top newcomers of the year, and what a ballsy prediction they have made. Two quarterbacks on two of the most talented teams in the nation. YOU'RE BLOWING MY MIND PAT FORDE.

Kansas is enjoying the fruits of a completely reorganized football/athletics department. Did I say enjoy? I meant have a tape worm from. It's all gone to shit godamnit.

Texas Tech has Tommy Tuberville who, they hope, will not employ the use of sheds to break in his freshman talent.

Nebraska and Colorado are the stupid slutty whores that dipped their pen in other conference ink. No one likes them.

No one remembers Iowa State is there.

Predictions 

Hey guys. Guys? GUYS!?!! Fuck this, the Big 10 wants me.

Nebraska learns that leaving the conference does not bode well for a team trying to win a conference championship. Someone kills a Nebraska fan who enters an away game in Cornhusker gear.

I'll do your kidz. I'll do 'em hard. And then yell Touchdown

Baylor has a black quarterback. My stance is that black means running back, but the Wildcat is the exception. I don't know if he can throw but he was good until he injured his extra Achilles tendon last year. They make a bowl game.

Oklahoma improves with the help a year of collegiate child rape for Pedo-Stache. They become the favorite to win the Big 12 and go undefeated, just to lose a heart breaking game in a BCS game.

Texas' sophomore quarterback plays like shit because he doesn't have a stache. Everyone knows the formula. Stache = Good.

Kansas surprises thanks to the HOPE given by black head coach Turner Gil. I wear a ghillie suit in appropriate word play with his last name. Bowl game is possible.

Colorado finishes last, thanks to an Iowa State beat down for the ages. Final score 2-0.

YAY. SEXUAL ASSAULT BY RIVAL SCHOOL!!!???

I'm not one to beat black people when they are down and suspended. Wait, yes I am.

24 stands for the number of ladies he's punished for insubordination of his cock

Introducing today, Derrick Washington into the pantheon of Sexual Assault Assailants. As is known by most, I am a staunch believer in what goes on in Missouri is downright sub human. Corpses have better manners than these people. The Situation grabs more respect with one ab than does the entire state of Missouri. They think cicadas are cool. And they are totally wrong. Cicadas are the assholes of the animal species. They pick the time between 5 and 7 pm to just yell from trees. When they fly into you, they just lay on the ground and buzz around  like it's your fault they flew into you. And they only live one month and have sex and create baby cicades for next year that are just as useless as the ones previous. These animals have no excuse to exist, but they do. And this is the same for Missouri.

Anyways, to get to my point, Derrick Washington is just exhibiting those cicada like tendencies. Fucking girls, hitting them and probably blaming them for making him do it. Living for a short time, in prison where he will slowly stop talking and just die. Yelling at movies. These are all things Missourians and cicadas have in common. Also they are both disgusting.

The majestic and gracefull Blue Jay eats cicadas all day, and everyone knows that half a Jayhawk is a Blue Jay. Anyways, that might be the worst transition ever, but it brings me to this point. NEW JAYHWAWK THEMED RAP FROM INDEPENDENT RECORD LABEL!!!!

Enjoy my agony ... assholes

I had been meaning to post this earlier but I kept pushing it off, like my suicide attempts. Day six and still no suicide. Appears I might just make it.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fack.

I'm just going to start off with a notice that this post will have nothing to do with the game. The game is what it was. We lost. We should have lost. The better team that day won. That is it. This is just for the people who think it's the greatest thing to see the Jayhawks lose in such an unappealing fashion.

It's not. It's the worst thing that can happen to the people of Lawrence. A campus shooting (which would most likely be started by me shoving an AK-47 down the throat of a chinese exchange student that doesn't know when to SHUT THE HELL UP DURNING CLASS) would be less depressing than this loss. When you see the kids fall to the ground crying, don't tell them to stand up and stop being a pussy. It is the end of the world for them. We don't take kindly to our black people failing at the one thing they can do well.

Sherronald is MAH BOI

Tonight is the last home game of the year at the Fieldhouse of the Phog. Many of you could give two shits, but I GIVE TWO SHITS. It's been four years since I became a KU sports fan. I know it seems bandwagonny, but it's not. It's just a fact that when I got the acceptance letter from KU, I was destined become a fan. If Iowa State had given me a better scholarship package I might be a cyclone fan right now. Thank god for out-of-state tuition.

Anyways, for the last four years I have reveled in the little wide-load guy from the Chi – Sherron Collins. He came from high school as a little cornrowed balla who ate up his competitors, digested them, and then shit them out in the form of an McDonalds All-American appearance.

He came to Lawrence where he became the newcomer of the year in the Big 12, helping a Julian Wright-led team to the elite eight in 07. He came back next year to assist the game tying three pointer against Memphis in '08. He single handedly carried the 09 team to the sweet sixteen and now is staring at the most wins in Kansas history with a win tonight.

What dat? There are just as big of games on tonight? Well fuck me.

Yes ya'll. Saints win. We here at the Perm enjoyed the win just as much as the rest of you. It's good to know that shitty teams can still be good one day. It's also good to know that there is a Lil Wayne song soon to be born from this joyous occation. For now we'll just have to deal with this one.



But don't lose sense of your sports judgement just yet. We have plenty to go before baseball season. You can break then. There is still importance to be seen, and seen tonight.

Perm's Portrait - Fresh meat.

We have all heard of the Greg Oden indecent. He and his lady (I hope) friend were having a little sexting, when all of a sudden, Oden wanted to get his Maxim on. What's a guy supposed to do when you have these urges? Call a photographer? Expensive. Volunteer for a nude portrait at a painting class at the YMCA? Too much meth.

What did Greg do? He found the closest mirror and snapped himself a self portrait. Of course, now the world knows of the Oden penis, and so do NCAA colleges. One of which has actually offered up a scholarship for Lil' Oden. (NSFW)

Barhawk Obama?

Last night the number one team in the nation (at paying of AAU coaches) lost to USC. Bubb was pleased, as was I, but we weren't the only ones.

"HAHAHAH, Calipari. That dumb fuck. He should have known I was up to no good," said President Barack Obama, " I never liked sleazy people so I gave him a little white house magic."

Border showdown mowdown

Last night was the fabled Border War between Kansas and Missouri at Allen Fieldhouse in Lawrence. Of course, being the really awesome Kansas fan that I am, I was there. Today, I am 40% horse and have the pain of a Ray Lewis stab in the lower left quadrant of my back. Just some small side effects from a night of pure anal rape.

Live Blog – KU vs Gaylor

That pretty much explains it. Well done sunflower cable. You are the shithole of the earth, along with comcast. So, I guess Xavier Henry just sweetens the KU attack? Why the fuck do I want my attack sweetened? Wouldn't that make it pussy? Like the powderpuff girls? Sugar and spice and everything nice? Also, Ekpe Udoh, not that good. Also, 2-13 is a really bad record against a team. Like really bad. Wanna hear a good record? 52-0 at home. You want more? 90+ games straight without giving up a shooting percentage over 50%. Another? 14 games. That's how many away the Jayhawks are from 2000 school wins. One more stat, because I'm a douche. Big 12 at home in non-conference –108-1. There you go. I think we know who will win this one.

We are changing it up this time. Bubb will be in good old black and italicized. Wilt will take on the bold venture of bold text. LET'S GET IT ON. Oh Guy LeDouche, you make my day.

Now, we talkin bout practice.

There are those days when you feel the weight of the world crushing on you. Days like this effect so many people. Days like Princess Diana's death, and JFK's death change you as a person. For me, this is one. Maybe it's just the shots talking, but FUCK AND NO.

Now, we here at the Perm have had a rough weekend. USC losing Pete Carrol, and the Patriots losing in a wild card game, very decisively might I add. All through the mess of the weekend, I had remained almost completely unscathed. The Chiefs have been done for a week, the Royals are the Royals, but my one positive fanship was doing just fine.

Then this happened.

Big eyed birds vs Fake birds LIVE BLOG

Last year, in Kansas City, Temple gave the Jayhawks a terrible loss. It wasn't even close. So, obviously, they think they are the shit. In fact, after beating Villinova, their fans began chanting "We want Kansas." Well you got 'em.

This is the first ranked opponent Kansas has faced this year, which should be enough to get them ready for this game. But just to entirely lock up the blowout of Temple, their fans went out and got all penisy. Not only that, but this is the first time the Twins (Marcus and Markieff Morris) have been back to their hometown to play with the Jayhawks.

I'll just let Sherron tell you how badly they want to win this game.

You hear that? ALL CAPS. HE'S UP EARLY! BETTA WATCH THE FUCK OUT!

We are about 30 minutes away from the game, where the live blog will begin. Currently I'm watching Vern Ludquist get his first raging errection without the aid of Viagra trying to describe John Wall. He is still fucking amazing.

As always, Wilt will be in blue and Bubb in red. I think you can tell which team we want to win.

Turnering a new stone

Just released tonight, from multiple sources, was the name of the University of Kansas' new coach. This time, instead of beating anorexia, we are beating racial profiling, and I love it. A perfect fit. He is a square peg in a square hole. He has the resume, the recruiting of Texas, and player management. Probably the best reason he fits in here, though, is that we already know he looks great..

He's a brick (dunna dun-a) WALL

Who is 6 foot 3 with a dick the size of Manhattan? John Fucking Wall. It only took me one game to realize how fucking incredible he is. His speed, as Kenny Mayne would say, is incedniary. Vision, like an eagle with prescription sunglasses. Athleticism that only makes sense if it was gentically engineered. He is fucking ay-may-zing.

I have resented John Wall for the past 5 months after his signing with Kentucky. He was supposed to go to Kansas (as is every other good player. It should be a no brainer right?), but he didn't. That doesn't piss me off though, as long as he ends up at UCLA, Pitt or even UNC. BUT FUCKING KENTUCKY?! Christ, Kentucky only has a decent program because of KU. 

Dick Vitale writes?! Memphis is good? Naw.

For those who have never heard of Fire Joe Morgan, then you should be ashamed. They created a blog just for the act of reading between the lines of poorly written baseball stories. Since they have shut down and moved on to bigger things, there has been a hole in the blogosphere for readers to revel in the idiocrocy that is mediocre sports writing. Doing my part to fix this, I have decided to take up where they left off, and give Dick Vitale what he has been needing for a long time -- someone to bring him down to earth.

Today's Article - Josh Pastner, Memphis are on the rise

Wilt Stilts in blue.

Dick Vitale in BOLD BABY!

Mangino's "fiya!" level

So, for this KU Texas game, I have the upset, but I also have a hatred towards Mangino. Five losses in a row doesn't do much for the confidence factor. So, for this game, a semi-liveblog, but instead of actual comments, me just saying how much closer Mangino gets to getting fired. Let's begin with the first Jayhawk drive.

Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse: Week 8

This is a weekly blog that compares the likes of college sports and addictive drugs, and then rolls it into a tight little blunt I like to call the Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then clearly you have participated in some Friday morning substance abuse. So get ready to sit Indian Native American style and stare at a bookshelf for 3 hours cause it's time to drop some acid.
 
Last week was pretty tragic for me. A loss at Colorado sent me into a spiraling depression that all the world's Prozac wouldn't have brought me out of. As of today though, I have recovered my normal, human functions: eating, sleeping, not hearing voices. Alas, there is a chance for a fully sustained recovery. It will come at the expense of Oklahoma, though. The same Oklahoma that has fucked my picks up so often. Tomorrow is a day for redemption, for the Colorado loss, and for OU's failure to follow my lead.

Happenings Around the Lawrence Campus

Sitting in my lecture hall for my finance class (a class with 400 people, me in the last row) playing bubbles, I was interrupted (rudely might I say) by the prof, who had a dandy story for the class. She, and some of the TA's, had accidentally locked the homework in the homework storage device. As the story progressed, she began to tell us her struggles with the maintenance staff (which is bad, if you haven't seen Summerfield Hall) and how they continually failed to reply to her requests. So, what does a Professor do when she needs brute force to open a file locker?

B(r)eak 'Em (Rules) Hawks

Look who can't get enough press. Tyshawn Taylor. Speculation out of Lawrence today states that we have ourselves another fuck up, to say it lightly.

On September 13th, Markieff Morris, forward for the #1 Jayhawks, had a little fender bender on 17th and Tennessee (only three blocks away from the school's bars, but that's beside the point). According to the police report, Markieff was driving former Kansas forward, and Lawrence resident, Scott Pollard's Tahoe.

Let that soak in a bit.

 And he had a 16 year old in the car after midnight.

SOAK IT IN!