Preseason Partying and Bullshit

Classes have started for me, like most other schools that have normal schedules, and not that tri-mester or quarter-mester (?) crap. This symbolizes the rebirth of an actual schedule for me, which will give me interest and planning allowing me to return to blogging again here. From now until the beginning of the season, I will be running through the conferences and listing things. Just things. No real outline. Come on. It's the beginning of the school year. I'm rusty at outlines and writing. Get over it.

I'll start alphabetically today with the Atlantic Coast Conference.

The ACC considers itself a Big 5 football conference, even though the talent is weaker than that of the Mountain West. Hell, they barely edge out the Big East for second worst BCS conference.

The ACC is full of unfulfilling teams. Miami can't decide how they will lose their preseason expectations. Virginia Tech can't help but shoot itself in the foot. Florida State can't appreciate the elderly. Clemson is orange. These are all things that transpire in the conference.

Something is happening in North Carolina. I don't really know what it is. Probably racism.


Duke, Virginia, North Carolina State and Boston College. That's all the mentioning these teams will get on this blog for the rest of the season. Unless someone dies. Then it'll be SUPER GHOST 2.0


Predictions

RUN HE'S TRYING TO OPPRESS YOU

Georgia Tech will win the conference. You just can't hate a team that blatantly disregards the rest of the nation's schools offensive schemes. What's that everyone? You throw 70% of the time? I hear you. Run the ball 90% of the time right? Also, they have a black QB, and that's always a positive.

Florida State and Miami are ranked in the preseason AP poll this year. Expect for both of them to be out by week 6.

Depressed trot                                               Happy trot

Virginia Tech is all up in the top 10. They'll be out after week one. Tyrod Taylor will do something illegal. It's a tradition for (black) quarterbacks at Virgina Tech.

Maryland will hire Greivis Vasquez as President/Provost/Head Sports Coach from now and til eternity. They will lose every conference game.

Boston College will be studying on a Saturday and forget that they have a game. Somehow they still beat Duke that week thanks to an unforced safety.

No one gets the to Championship game from the conference and only one team makes BCS game.

Dustin' off the cobwebs like Luigi in his Mansion. You know that game right?

Where our counting defies logic.

It's been a well known fact for a while now that the Big 10 11, have been trying to expand. Like anthrax, the assholes in the Big 11 have been venturing into places that don't want them, including other power conferences that love and cherish their teams. This is of course old news, and it's sad that I've waited this long to talk about the topic, but I can explain officer. I only had like five shots. Double shots. And one beer bong.

Really though, my computer broke down. Again. It's almost as if Chevy made this laptop. But I digress.

Nazi Arnold wants to Pump (clap) You up

As a Big 12 student, I have taken notice of the Big 11's Nazi scheme to take over teams. Everyone is thinking "Well, it's just one team, and really, who cares who's conference Rutgers is in." But that's what we thought when Poland was invaded. Oh, well we can do without Sausages. And we can. Fuck Rutgers.

But, DON'T THINK THAT. These fuckers are maniacal. The are just easing you into the idea. Oh we just want Rutgers, but on the condition that we get a side order of Missouri (!) and Pittsburgh(?) and maybe Notre Dame and Syracuse (WTF). This has been deemed a "super-conference" by the media, and I like to think it's really just the Fuhrer's Conference scheme.

Picture and schedule are non existent, just like your restraint from sugary foods.

Now, no one really likes the Big 10, unless you are a part of it, just as everyone hated the Nazi's, as long as you weren't Juden hunting. And now they want our teams. Don't get me wrong, I hate Mizzou, but if you took them, I would be pissed. Why? Because it's a rivalry, and rivalries are kept in the same conference. USC and Notre Dame is the perfect example of this. No one really gives a shit. You don't mark it on your calendar. You don't want to kill the other team's fans. You don't care. They are in Indiana. You are in California. Total bullshit. And there really aren't any others. That's because they are as pointless as Ben Roethlisberger's "don't rape ladies" book.

What dat? There are just as big of games on tonight? Well fuck me.

Yes ya'll. Saints win. We here at the Perm enjoyed the win just as much as the rest of you. It's good to know that shitty teams can still be good one day. It's also good to know that there is a Lil Wayne song soon to be born from this joyous occation. For now we'll just have to deal with this one.



But don't lose sense of your sports judgement just yet. We have plenty to go before baseball season. You can break then. There is still importance to be seen, and seen tonight.

Rex Ryan has a big dick and knows how to use it

Fresh off two "wins" Jet's coach Rex Ryan gave his guess on who will win the Super Bowl this year. Albeit, a biased prediction, but quite a ballsy one. He chose, the Jets. Well chosen, because I remember when a rookie QB took a team to a Super Bowl win. Oh, wait I don't, BECAUSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

SUPER GHOST TO THE RESCUE!!!

I'm not sure if he had just been stuck in traffic on the way to heaven, but finally Jazzy blessed the Huskies. And great choice on the victim Jazz Howard. Impeccable. Just impeccable. Well, done my man. Earlier today, Connecticut took the deterioratling Irish to double overtime where the Huskies put the ball through the hearts of the Notre Dame fans. The Andre Dixon four-yard run to seal it almost looked like super ghost was leading the way, and his best friend, while wearing his number, had a winning performance at corner. Well done Uconn. We here at the Perm applaud you for taking those douchebags down another notch, even when we thought that notch couldn't be lowered anymore. WOOHOOO!

Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse: Week 10/ Exhibition

This is a weekly blog that compares the likes of college sports and addictive drugs, and then rolls it into a tight little blunt I like to call the Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then clearly you have participated in some Friday morning substance abuse. So get ready to sit Indian Native American style and stare at a bookshelf for 3 hours cause it's time to drop some acid.
 
I have almost no idea what happened last weekend in college football. I was stranded in domestic corn fields, hunting, and shooting absolutely nothing. Also, when you reside in Iowa, dish reception becomes extremely sketchy and the only game that comes in is the Iowa vs Indiana game. So, as an even more uneducated football writer, I will try to complete some predictions without horribly misconstruing the facts, but most likely with construe some facts any way just for shits and gigs.

The Mejia Saga Continues: the Participant's Perspective

Mejia, displeased with our decision to not remove the post, has responded again with a more detailed retelling of his adventures in Florida. Away we go:

Herm Edwards on Peyton Manning Jeff Fisher

If you didn't hear the story already, we'll grant you some insight on what occurred yesterday at a luncheon in Nashville. All was well in the auditorium as Jeff Fisher took the podium to introduce Tony Dungy (most likely with sandwich bread crumbs forested in his stache). Normally Jeff Fisher just stands their menacingly, but today was different as he had some special plans for the audience.