When did ESPN Hire Larry Johnson?

I don't remember David Stern adding an adjective to the the Memphis organization, but I guess the Grizzlies are now Gay bears. I always wondered why they chose teal blue for their main color. This explains a lot, but doesn't explain why Gooden's slur is a controversy and Memphis being the Gay Grizzlies isn't. You know what isn't a controversy, though? Handing out Care Bears to the first 30k attendees.

Big FU to ESPN's Great John Hollinger

I recently got a letter from a reader asking:

What do you think about John Hollinger's PER ratings on ESPN?
-Imaji Nary (Buttphuck, Kansas)

Thanks for the question Imaji. I hear the weather down there is swampy and hot this time of year. Please use some protection, from the sun of course. To answer your question, No. I won't even comment on that. Anybody who sets up a ranking system where Andrew Bynum is listed as the eighth best player is either are from LA or doesn't know the term injury prone.

John used math to compile stats like a fucking junk yard, and then fancies it up with derivatives, sigmas and lamdas. It makes no sense. Especially when this person doesn't explain his scoring, or why the hell Greg Oden is ranked higher than Steve Nash, LaMarcus Aldridge and Carlos Boozer. So, to counter Hollinger's projections, I'll make up my own, stricly based on how badass, sexy, and awesome these players are.

#1-Lebron James- Yeah, go fuck your Chris Paul in the rectum Hollinger. Lebron is clearly the most talented, tooled, and badass player in the world, ever. This should go without saying, but for some reason I have to say it.

ESPN PICKS JAYHAWKS AS 2009 NCAA FOOTBALL NATIONAL CHAMPS!!!1

As if ESPN had its ear to Herm's Perm all the while, it boldly agrees with our own Kyle Berthusen that KU is not only deserving of a top-25 ranking, but they're taking the whole dang kit-n-kaboodle!

Oh, wait...
ESPN, you cocktease.
Sorry, Berf. At least they don't have you in the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl (featuring a halftime duet with Elton John and Melissa Etheridge).