Tom and Gisele have a heart-to-heart

Early Tuesday morning: Tom Brady opens the door to his five-story Boston penthouse wearing a custom pinstriped Gucci suit and, for some reason, carrying a black briefcase.

Tom (sounding quite forlorn): Honey, I'm ho-

Gisele (standing at the top of the staircase in the foyer): What kind of batshit pussy performance was THAT? Do you really think that it's okay for you to take your modelesque face into that blighted city and get shown up by someone who has a PERMANENT SHITSTAIN on his face? YOU'RE A STETSON MODEL, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!