It's Cool Arizona. I've Got Your Proof.

There it is ladies and gentlemen. I have the first proof that Tad Boyle is being a little whiny bitch. He's still touching it. It's not the only angle I have either. Click below to find some more juicy "Colorado is a bunch of fucking babies," goodness. You legalized pot. Get over yourselves. You have plenty to look forward to when you get home. Like watching Goonies at 4 a.m.

Prease Don't Reave Olegon, Chip Kerry!

Looks like Oregon's victory in the Fiesta Bowl may not be the only happy ending Chip Kelly gets...

Can BBQ replace Philly Cheese Steaks?

Not with theses walrus lips. Can you imagine how much more splatter will spray into this stache when he's at Arthur Bryant's BBQ. There's not enough paper printed at the Denver mint to wipe Andy Reid's body after he gets into a bowl of barbecue sauce and burnt ends.

Reid's primed, and perfect for Kansas City. The town of Kansas City, not so much the football team from Kansas City. If you commissioned a painter to paint a typical white guy from Kansas City, you'd get Andy Reid. I mean, the unnecessary and gross mustache is a staple of Kansas City. And by the way, why is it that fat guys insist on having moustaches? Like it's somehow going to improve you metabolism because of the added lip weight.

Hello.

Didn't see you there.

No, of course I did. Why else would I be balls-deep in a Turkish call girl in the middle of an elementary school book fair?

If you didn't quite follow that metaphor: the book fair is this blog, the girl is you and I'm...me. I think. You're welcome.

It's been a wild ride since I last PERM'D, as Wilt and I refer to it. My celebrity status peaked as a Web Redemption on Tosh.0, and since then I've mostly been gambling my appearance fee money away. This leads me to my next two updates:

A.) I will be incorporating a significantly higher amount of gambling-related content.
2.) I am broke, so please share this post with your friends because pageviews pay shit, but it's still more than THE PARLAY-WRECKING INABILITY OF THE PACKERS' DEFENSE TO STOP ADRIAN PETERSON.

Hopefully our former readers will be excited about our return, but if I had to guess, I'd bet most of them are jobless substance abusers whose internet access has been relegated to a computer at the public library.

Which sucks because our URL is probably blocked for the assumed sexual content.

Happy Perming, and I'll see you in the comments section. As always, pants optional.

Herm's Perm Redux

We're firing this bad bitch back up today. Seems sudden, and random, but when it comes to New Years  resolutions I don't quaver. I don't know how it's going to look from now on. Stories could be sporadically posted, or come in heaps, or I could end a sentence with a preposition like I just did. Who knows. All I know is I will give efforts. If it's your first time, I'll explain why this is called Herm's Perm. Although you should already know, because at one point we were shown on ESPN. So fuck you for not knowing. This isn't on us.

Anyways, the theme of the blog formed quite a few years ago. Bubb and I were doing freestyling by ourself to instrumentals from rap songs. As most freestyles by white guys go, it was random and awkward. And out of one of those awkward white rhymes came a terrible rap line.

"If Obama had a perm he wouldn't win . . . or maybe Herm . . . Edwards."

It wasn't til later that we started this sports blog, and out of pure unadulterated randomness, we had to choose the most inside of inside jokes to label our blog. Herm's Perm. And people continue to question that decision daily, and yet we hold steady. Because photoshopping perms onto Herm Edwards' head never gets old. Never.

Well Then.

HIGH FIVE. I'M GOING TO THE IOWA ENERGY

It's cool that Josh Selby has decided to leave. And I have no problem with his decision at all. He's clearly got the statistics to back up such a move. He played 26 games. TWENTY-SIX. That's like playing TWO high school seasons. So he got plenty of game time. 

Then he averaged 7.9 points a game. Doesn't look that good, but consider this. He didn't have his headband. So, under the law of "Apparel Depreciation" he should have dropped his scoring average by 90%. So really, only dropping 60% isn't that bad. THE STATISTICS ARE THERE GUYS.

The guy shot 37% from the field. Like only 400 other players did that this year. He even shot a SCORCHING 36% from three. That puts him in the top 80th percentile among guards. THE NUMBERS ARE SO INCORRIGIBLE. 

And, lets not forget how good he was at being on the court. He only missed TWELVE games. You know who missed more games? Kyrie Irving and Robbie Hummel. And guess what they are doing right now? ONE IS GOING TO THE NBA AND THE OTHER IS GOING BACK TO SCHOOL. That's enough evidence right there for Josh to leave. IT'S CALLED PRECEDENT YO. 

And let us not forget how he told us of his decision. Through his PR savvy, he implemented his twitter account to tell everyone in one quick motion. That way there is no confusion. No need to set up a press conference or tell Bill Self. Just hit it (the iphone buttons) and quit it. That's what a true athlete does.

So good luck on your adventures in the NBA. Surely you will be a lottery pick, and if my predictions are correct, you should be the next Von Wafer. 

Klay Thompson Ridin' Dirty

Two guys sitting in a GMC Envoy outside dorms.

Klay Thompson - UGH. Crazy game tonight huh Faisal. 

Faisal Aden - What?

Thompson - I said, 'crazy game last night'

Aden - Yeah. (reaches in pocket)

Thompson - What are you getting ou–

Aden - Weed.

Thompson - WHAT?!!?! Dude, do you know what my parents would do if I brought their car back with the smell of weed in i–

Aden - Chill bro. I got this Wiz Khalifa CD. Put it in the player. (pulls out rolling papers)

Thompson - NO YOU CAN'T SMO– Hold on. I don't like arab music.

Aden - (licks paper) Not arab. (rolls paper)

Thompson - Seriously Faisal. Stop making that weed.

Aden - (puts cd in) Just chill dude. I got this.

Thompson - I don't doubt that you d–

Aden - ARE YOU RACIST MUTHA FUCKA?

Thompson - Wha–

Aden - JUST CUZ I'M BLACK, YOU ASSUUUUMMMME THAT I KNOW HOW TO SMOKE WEED?!?!

Thompson - Well... you did just roll a joint in like 4 sec–

Aden - START THE FUCKING CAR KLAY. BEFORE I LIGHT THIS JOINT AND PUT IT OUT ON YOUR NECK.

Thompson - Fine. (starts car) So where are we going?

Aden - To Mount Fiji (lights joint)

Thompson - How 'bout a place in legitimate driving distance.

Aden - In that case (takes hit and holds) Mt. St. Hellens (lets hit go) PFTHEHAHEHEHE!

Thompson - No seriously. Where. 

Aden - Juss to mah house (takes hit) Oh I luv this joint. (turns up song.)

Thompson - Alright.

(gets to house)

Aden - Alright. I'm out.

Thompson - Alright. Don't forget your CD.

Aden - Aw shit. yeah. Thanks.

Thompson - Yeah. No problem.

(Aden closes door)

FUCKING ASSHOLE. Where the fuck is my fabreze? Oh here it is. What? Dammit Aiden. left your fuckin wee–

(knock on window)

Thompson - SHIT.

(rolls down window)

Officer Gary - Did you know that your rear driver side brake light is – (nose crinkles) Sir have you been smoking marijuana?

Thompson - Uhh, no sir ossiffer.

Officer Gary - Step out of the car please.

Thompson - Uh, sure. I swear it is my friend's.

Officer Gary - You just said you didn't have anything.

Thompson - Ummm–

Officer Gary - I'm gonna do a quick search. (searches car) What is this?

Thompson - School project?

Officer Gary - Oh ok.

Thompson  - Really?

Officer Gary - NOPE! You're gonna need to find a ride. Did you know that a ticket for Marijuana is a 400 dollar fine and six months diversion. 

Thompson - No. It's really not mi–

Officer Gary - And it also will dissapoint your parents

Thompson -But it was my fien–

Officer Gary - And I'm sure it will keep you out the UCLA game.

Thompson - Wha?

(Officer Gary pulls out note pad with Bruins logo on it)

Thompson - Shit

Officer Gary - Yep (finishes ticket. Get's back in car) SEE YA KLAY!