Can BBQ replace Philly Cheese Steaks?

Not with theses walrus lips. Can you imagine how much more splatter will spray into this stache when he's at Arthur Bryant's BBQ. There's not enough paper printed at the Denver mint to wipe Andy Reid's body after he gets into a bowl of barbecue sauce and burnt ends.

Reid's primed, and perfect for Kansas City. The town of Kansas City, not so much the football team from Kansas City. If you commissioned a painter to paint a typical white guy from Kansas City, you'd get Andy Reid. I mean, the unnecessary and gross mustache is a staple of Kansas City. And by the way, why is it that fat guys insist on having moustaches? Like it's somehow going to improve you metabolism because of the added lip weight.

Jamaal? Fuck that, he's Jesuus.

There was a post on Deadspin today that kind of pissed me off. Not because it was poorly written, but that it was just poorly thought out. It's main point stemmed from the NFL giving draft picks to teams so they don't Colt it up against the Jets. I wasn't a fan of that, as was Deadspin's Barry Petchesky, but he countered it by saying that bad teams throw just as many games for draft picks as good teams do for rest. One reason why this isn't true is because those teams already suck, and being shitty, they are more likely to loose anyways, countering a good team throwing a game, who should be winning games. Then, there are always those teams who show up for the final game, just to get a payday.

The one team that was within top pick draft ability going against a contender this weekend was the Chiefs, and man did they toss that idea back at Barry. Not only did they beat a team in playoff contention, we beat them at their home. And to add even more amazement to it, this team we beat was our top rival, the Broncos. And not just to beat them, but to fucking reverse Mr. Hands them, that is what made this so sweet.

Welp, my decade sucked

With less than a week left in the first decade of the 21st century -- only the second full decade of my life -- and just slightly more than two years left until the end of the world, I've been reflecting on my decade in sports. I long ago came to the conclusion that I'm not athletic and my teams are terrible, but, upon additional review, I'm not even sure Enron had a worse decade than me. My sports-decade has been one big fucking facepalm, so much so that it was worthy of that crappy alliteration.

In March of 2002, I won the St. Margaret Mary three-point shootout. I was, theoretically, the best eighth grade three-point shooter in the city that attended a Catholic grade school*. Sometime after that, the Creighton Bluejays upset fifth-seeded Florida in the first round of the NCAA Tournament. I was riding high.

Battle of the year. Cannan vs Wilt

This was a game that will be remembered for centuries to come. Little Kid Cudi's will tell of the day where Jim Brown's record for most rushing yards in one game was shattered by the Kansas City defense (and Jerome Harrison). Little Tim McGraw's in Kansas City will remember this day as Black Sunday, where not only did they have to go to church at nine in the morning, but then wouldn't even have the satisfaction of watching Jamaal Charles become Priest Holmes Jr.

THIGPEN CAN PET FLIPPER NOW!

Uh oh. Looks like mom forgot to layoff the alcohol during pregnancy.

Can you say FAS?

This is the type of brains that only the U of noz Mizzou can spit out. Look at her confidence, and POISE. It's like Dirty Sanchez in the pocket. Nothing rattles her except the many brain contusions she suffered as a child. Cheering on her team as they squeaked by Nevada last Friday night. I am personally glad that my parents chose the Kansas side of the state line, due to that very picture above, and I'm betting that Tyler Thigpen is glad to get out of Missouri as well.

Kobe Bryant Loses Popularity Contest to Elderly Spanish Singer Whom I've Never Heard of and a Guy from Kansas

The people of Los Angeles have spoken. Emerging victorious as the person who Angelenos would "most like to eat lunch with" was Plácido Domingo, a Spanish tenor who serves as the General Director of the Los Angeles Opera. Philip Anschutz of AEG placed second.

Upon first impression, this is completely baffling. Kobe Bryant is so popular, that his mere being invokes Rodney King-level insanity. Exhibits A, B and C:


Anschutz and Domingo's combined entertainment values produce a slightly more subdued result:
Upon closer review, the poll appeared exclusively online. The likeliness of Exhibits A and B owning a computer is worse than the Chiefs' Super Bowl chances, so this really wasn't a fair assessment to begin with. Kobe unofficially wins because the vast majority of his supporters lack the financial support and intellectual ability to respond to a poll, let alone understand the meaning of the word.

Edit: Kyle would like me to point out that Anschutz not only comes from Kansas, but attended the University of Kansas and has a library on campus named after him. Thanks Kyle, you arrogant prick.