FASA - Week 4

YOU JUST GOT OUT-CAUCASIAN'D

Another week another lack of posts. It's ok. You won't read it anyways. You just wanna get drunk. Fine. LETS GET TO IT.

6 - Touchdown

4 - Tackle in backfield

5 - Tipped pass

FRIDAY

IT'S TOO LATE ALREADY. JUST DRINK WHEN TCU COMPLETES A PASS.

SATURDAY

Best future draft bust EVER!!:)

Bowling Green vs Michigan - 12pm et - ESPN2

1 - Denard Robinson runs

2 - Denard completes a pass

3 - Kamar Jorden catches a pass

4 - "Heisman"

5 - "Terrelle Pryor"

700 - Michigan's dormant volcano explodes and kills Rich Rodriguez only.

Finish 2 beers for a Bowling Green win. Prepare for the good games

I rely on G. Gilbert. Suck on it.

UCLA vs Texas - 3:30 pm et - ABC or ESPN or ESPN2

1- "Texas running game"

2 - Garret Gilbert completes a pass

3 - Kevin Prince incomplete pass

4 - Johnathan Franklin TD run

5 - Garret Gilbert pick

500 - UCLA starts having intercourse with themselves and complete the phrase UCL-GAY.

Finish 2 more beers for a UCLGAY win. Better games are cumming.

IS THAT MICHAEL VICK?

Oregon State vs Boise State - 8 pm et - ABC

1 - Kellen Moore completion

2 - Jaquizz Rodgers run

3 - "BCS team"

4 - Kellen Moore TD

5 - "Heisman"

600 -  Groups from Westboro Baptist come on the field and take Kellen Moore away because they think the name Kellen is gay.

Finish a beer if Oregon State wins. Then make your night like your house. OWN IT. OWN THAT SHIT. FUCK BEN BERNANKE.

SONG THAT WOULD TOP THE BCS RANKINGS FOR THE WEEK.



HERM SPERM

Selma Hayek is hot. Not just because of the boobs. Well, yeah, because of the boobs. But she also has a hot accent. And a umm .....(drools)....What was that? Oh yeah nice boobies.

 

Why yes, I have exquisite tits.

FASA - Week 2

STILL NOT RIGHT BUT DEAL WITH IT. ALCOHOL CAN BE A DRUG. IF YOU SUCK AT IT.

This week lacked the posts I was hoping to provide, but Kansas lost to North Dakota STATE. I've been using that excuse for everything this week. Hey, you wanna go to class today? NORTH DAKOTA STATE! (Goes back to bed, puts pillows over ears, and rolls around).

But, at last, the weekend is here and I can drink again. And you better bet that I will not remember the Georgia Tech game tomorrow at 11. As for your buzz? We'll I will help supply your consumption guidelines. The games this week are so much better than last week's.

Numbers stand for amount of drinks and the statement guides you as to when you are supposed to drink those drinks. Quotes signal things the announcers say. Parenthesis signal a camera shot of something. Let's GOOOOOOO... (Puts on North Dakota State Bison mascot head)

6 - Interceptions

2 - First downs

5 - Option plays

FRIDAY:

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLOW ME FOR BLOCKING?!

West Virginia @ Marshall - 7 et - ESPN

1 - Noel Devine has a rush attempt

2 - Marshall first downs

3 - West Virginia kicks through goal posts.

4 - "Rich Rodriguez"

5 - Marshall scores

300 - If Marshall's airplane crashes into the West Virginia practice.

Finish a beer if Marshall covers the spread (13)

SATURDAY:

Catching NCAA allegations.

Georgia vs South Carolina - 12 et - ESPN 2

1 - Marcus Lattimore gets a touch

2 - Georgia throws for a first down

3 - "Steve Spurrier"

4 - "A.J. Green + suspended"

5 -  "NCAA investigates South Carolina"

200 - Stephen Garcia does Cock Pushups

Finish a beer no matter the outcome. It's fucking Saturday. Act like it's Saturday.

Proper form means nothing to Jacory

Miami vs Ohio State - 3:30 et - ESPN

1 - Terrelle Pryor runs

2 - Jacory Harris runs

3 - Leonard Hankerson touches the ball

4 - (Jim Tressel and his vest)

5 - Terrelle Pryor throws a pick

200 - The quarterbacks stop and ask Jim Tressel for reparations.

Crack a beer open like Willis McGahee's knee and down it for a Miami win.

I'm touchin' mah dick.

Penn State vs Alabama - 7 et - ESPN

1 - (Erin Andrews)

2 - "Erin Andrews"

3 - "Mark Ingram + injury"

4 - "Joe Paterno + old"

5 - Penn State advances into Alabama territory

300 - If Joe Paterno dies on the sideline. This goes for every week.

Finish 2 beers in less than ten minutes if Penn State "Nitts" their way to a win. I'm ashamed of that joke.


SONG THAT WOULD RANK #1 IN THE BCS RANKINGS FOR THIS WEEKEND

 

XV is from Kansas and just dropped his mixtape, "VizzyZone" and if you don't have it already, get it.


Herm Sperm

In honor of her doing things in Machete which I haven't seen. Probably sex or something. Or dying. Who knows.

FASA - Friday Afternoon Swig of Alcohol - Week One

It's not new, but I'm photoshop-less so screw it.

This is a sequel to last year's hit blog post. It's like Iron Man II. Much more simple, and dumbed down, but it's flashy as hell. And yes, there will be some ScarJo, as well as other good looking ladies through the weeks. Also, there will be drinking guidelines to the weekends games. I find this much more enjoyable than actually predicting stuff, cause I blow.

To begin, let me explain the rules. There will be a number before a statement. This will represent the amount of drinks you consume at the inception of the even explained. This is generally a reference to beer, but mixed drinks do work as well, and unless you're Joe Namath, probably not a good call to use hard alc. So, with only a paragraph of delay, welcome to FASA - II

FOR ALL GAMES:

1 – First downs.
4 – Touchdowns
7 – Interception

PEW. BEST THROW EVAR

 FRIDAY - 8 pm et - Arizona vs Toledo - ESPN

5 – Any reference about Arizona immigration law.

5 – Lebron James references.

3 – Talk of the Utah game from Thursday.

6 – Utah to the Pac-10 talk.

3 – Toledo makes a field goal.

FINISH A BEER – If Toledo propelles their rockets to a win.

Let me get that knot out of your shoulders.

SATURDAY - 12 pm et - Florida vs Miami (OH) - ESPN

2 – Something about Tebow. (there will be a lot).

5 – Miami (OH) scores in any way.

4 – Mention of Uban Meyer's leave or heart thing.

100 – Talk of Brandon Spikes' sex tape.

FINISH TWO BEERS – If Florida plays like tiny penis-ed people and Miami (OH) wins.

It's the unusual 69 hug.

3:30 pm et - Texas vs Rice - ESPN

4 – Colt McCoy references

3 – National championship reference

4– Gilbert is from Austin mention

7 – "Rice is overmatched" or something to that tone.

4 – Shot of an Asian Rice fan.

FINISH ONE AND A HALF BEERS – If the Owls twist the Longhorns' neck a full 360 and win. 

Poopsie Dasies

7:45 pm et - TCU vs Oregon State - ESPN

4 – Mention of loss to Boise State last year

5 – Comment on TCU's new jerseys

6 – Reference to Obama's step-brother who coaches at OSU

2 – Obligatory non-BCS school reference

4 – Heisman talk for Jacquizz Rodgers

FINISH HALF A BEER AND GO OUT AND DRINK YOUR HEART OUT – If Oregon State kind of upsets TCU.



8 pm et - North Carolina vs LSU - ABC

1 – Mentioning of a name of one of the suspended players on UNC

4 – Reference of LSU's terrible offense last year

6 – Reference to UNC basketball

3 – LSU's chances in the SEC

5 – Talk of agents and NCAA rules.

7 – The total score exceeds 30

FINISH YOUR DRINK – If someone wins. Then end you're night at a bar and or party.



SONG THAT WOULD RANK #1 IN THE BCS RANKINGS FOR THIS WEEKEND.



HERM SPERM FOR THE WEEK – SCAR JO AS PROMISED EARLIER.