FASA - Week 2

STILL NOT RIGHT BUT DEAL WITH IT. ALCOHOL CAN BE A DRUG. IF YOU SUCK AT IT.

This week lacked the posts I was hoping to provide, but Kansas lost to North Dakota STATE. I've been using that excuse for everything this week. Hey, you wanna go to class today? NORTH DAKOTA STATE! (Goes back to bed, puts pillows over ears, and rolls around).

But, at last, the weekend is here and I can drink again. And you better bet that I will not remember the Georgia Tech game tomorrow at 11. As for your buzz? We'll I will help supply your consumption guidelines. The games this week are so much better than last week's.

Numbers stand for amount of drinks and the statement guides you as to when you are supposed to drink those drinks. Quotes signal things the announcers say. Parenthesis signal a camera shot of something. Let's GOOOOOOO... (Puts on North Dakota State Bison mascot head)

6 - Interceptions

2 - First downs

5 - Option plays

FRIDAY:

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLOW ME FOR BLOCKING?!

West Virginia @ Marshall - 7 et - ESPN

1 - Noel Devine has a rush attempt

2 - Marshall first downs

3 - West Virginia kicks through goal posts.

4 - "Rich Rodriguez"

5 - Marshall scores

300 - If Marshall's airplane crashes into the West Virginia practice.

Finish a beer if Marshall covers the spread (13)

SATURDAY:

Catching NCAA allegations.

Georgia vs South Carolina - 12 et - ESPN 2

1 - Marcus Lattimore gets a touch

2 - Georgia throws for a first down

3 - "Steve Spurrier"

4 - "A.J. Green + suspended"

5 -  "NCAA investigates South Carolina"

200 - Stephen Garcia does Cock Pushups

Finish a beer no matter the outcome. It's fucking Saturday. Act like it's Saturday.

Proper form means nothing to Jacory

Miami vs Ohio State - 3:30 et - ESPN

1 - Terrelle Pryor runs

2 - Jacory Harris runs

3 - Leonard Hankerson touches the ball

4 - (Jim Tressel and his vest)

5 - Terrelle Pryor throws a pick

200 - The quarterbacks stop and ask Jim Tressel for reparations.

Crack a beer open like Willis McGahee's knee and down it for a Miami win.

I'm touchin' mah dick.

Penn State vs Alabama - 7 et - ESPN

1 - (Erin Andrews)

2 - "Erin Andrews"

3 - "Mark Ingram + injury"

4 - "Joe Paterno + old"

5 - Penn State advances into Alabama territory

300 - If Joe Paterno dies on the sideline. This goes for every week.

Finish 2 beers in less than ten minutes if Penn State "Nitts" their way to a win. I'm ashamed of that joke.


SONG THAT WOULD RANK #1 IN THE BCS RANKINGS FOR THIS WEEKEND

 

XV is from Kansas and just dropped his mixtape, "VizzyZone" and if you don't have it already, get it.


Herm Sperm

In honor of her doing things in Machete which I haven't seen. Probably sex or something. Or dying. Who knows.

Drinking games - Elite 8 (2)

Oh it appears I miss judged the NCAA's always fluctuating schedule for the elite eight games. Why do these games start so early? Fucking Jesus is still having sermon. You guys are assholes. Anyways, since it's Sunday, drinking games must be done with Fanzia in a Diet Coke can.

Half way through the Michigan State and Tennessee game and you need to get drunk fast, therefore, you drink for underdog two pointer and drink for every foul.

Also, drink when Mercedes employs Mad Men's Jon Hamm to do the voiceover for their downtown Manhattan cars.




MICHIGAN STATE VS TENNESSEE - ? est

– Korey Lucious balls up (to your judgement) = take 3 drinks
– Wayne Chism goes into BEAST MODE and takes off his headband = take 6 drinks
–Brian Williams gets an offensive rebound = 2 drinks
–Mentioning of the 5 or 6 vs the 5 seed in the final four = 4 drinks
–Michigan State losses and Tennessee makes Lane Kiffin jealous = shot gun your can of Franzia



DUKE VS BAYLOR - 5:05 est

LaceDarius Dunn lives up to his first two names by being an effing badass = 3 drinks
Tweety Carter makes a three or assists on the three = 2 drinks
Duke acts gay = drink at discretion
Jon Scheyer looks like Mculley Culkin = 1 drink
Kyle Singler sings about "ler" = 1 million hits of oxy codone
Coach K makes another final four = KILL YOUR SELF
Baylor competes their destiny and makes this the most bullshit tournament in history = drink til your hearts content

Drinking games - Elite 8 (1)

Last night brought another great night of basketball. LaceDarius Dunn got it Dunn. Tennessee helped send Evan Turner back home, and secure his spot as the two pick in the draft. Duke beat Purdue (ho hum). Michigan State beat those honkies around. So that leaves us with eight very crappy teams and no story line whatsoever.

But that also leaves us with only one solution for the filth left in this tournament. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol for these games. What's that? You live in the West coast and the games today start at 1:30? I'm sorry I didn't know I was catering these posts to vaginas.

Today, drinks all around for every Layup/dunk for the underdog, and take a drink for every three made by the favorites. Also, every time you see Luke Wilson, drink as well.

AHHHH I'M ONLY A JUNIOR

KANSAS STATE VS BUTLER - 3:30 et


–Jacob Pullen drains a three = two drinks plus the one already allotted above
–Gordon Hayward pivots = one drink
–Shot of Frank Martin staring down one of his players = 2 drinks
–Mentioning of the "athletic" differences = 2 drinks
–Dennis Clemente turns the ball over = 3 drinks
–By the graces of God, Butler upsets K-State = commence hysterical crying and finish drink.

Grab some Captain fans. Imma swerve in the lane

KENTUCKY VS WEST VIRGINIA - 7:05 et


–Bob Huggins is in his sweat suit = 5 drinks
–Mention of John Wall as the best freshman in the nation = 1 drink
–Shot of Ashley Judd being a slut or just acting normal = 3 drinks
– Shot of both coaches cheating and or placing bets on the game = 89 drinks
–Mention of West Virginia's Big East tourney victory = 3 drinks
–West Virginia takes out the last remaining Wildcats in the tournament = breath sigh of relief and GO TO THE BARS AND CELEBRATE!

This is Madness... THIS IS DRINKING GAMES - Sweet 16 (2)

Night two of drinking without restrictions but with guidelines that make sure your liver will fail to support you past 40. Tonight has some good games ... for drinking. They all suck entirely sober, but once alcohol is added, maybe you can pull yourself to liking a team. Nah. Cheer for Evan Turner or something. These games are just a shitbin of depressing. You can blame Northern Iowa for that one. Michigan State and Kansas would be good. FUCKING PURPLE TEAMS.

This time you drink one for every foul committed by the favourites (I'm European now) and one for every tournover (EUROPE) by the underdogs.

I look like a raptor. HISSSS!

OHIO STATE VS TENNESSEE - 7:07 et

–Mentioning of Evan Turner as player of the year = 2 drinks
–Bruce Pearl is wearing his orange suit = 5 drinks and 2 if it's just and orange tie
–Wayne Chism's head band falls off = 3 drinks
–Mentioning of the '07 Ohio State team = 4 drinks and finish the case if they mention Greg Oden's penis
–Tennessee wins = Sing "Rocky Top" and drink for every missed word from the song.

This is Madness... THIS IS DRINKING GAMES - Sweet 16 (1)

Why just watch a game when you can WATCH a game. That's what we strive for here at the Perm, enhancing the enjoyment of college sports. So, in an attempt to get some joy out of watching a bestteamless basketball tournament we add the best ingredient known to man. OXYCOT..wait.. ALCOHOL!

You love drinking, we love drinking, and therefore we present to you our round of sixteen drinking game for the Thursday games. Please enjoy, and don't drive, unless you want to HAVE FUN! (seriously we don't condone it fuckers.)

With all games, a two point shot made for the underdog is a drink and a three by the overlords is a drink. This way you get shwammered like a true frat guy. Speaking of douchebags.

SYRACUSE VS BUTLER - 7:07 et

• Reference to Arinze Onuaku's knee = 1 drink
• Shot of Jim Boeheim not happy at Scoop Jardine = 2 drinks
• Douche announcer talks about Butler going to hometown for final four games = 2 drinks
• Douche announcer disrespects Butler's athleticism, but really means they are all whitey McWhitewhites = 3 drinks
• Gus Johnson screams something = drink at your discretion 
• Butler upsets Syracuse = FINISH YOUR DRINK