Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse: Week DOS

Hola hombres! It's officially week two of the best sport going on right now, and guess which anti flip-flop/shorts/hat/drinking campus is going on a crack binge this week. That's right, your favorite Mormon college, BYU. Somehow misogyny has actually improved the play of athletes. Who knew this was possible (cough Shawne Merriman cough). So Ya'll (that's how you say it out there right?) get your baking soda 'cuz crack is on the main menu this week.

Dear Big 12,

You are soft. Like a memory foam mattress. Like the pillsbury doughboy. Like Sam Bradford:

Just relish the look on Bradford's face as he writhes in the pain of his first-ever legitimate sack. I'm sorry, but SUCK IT UP YOU PUSSY. This is what happens when you're fed from a silver-spoon offensive line and are unexpectedly smote by the hat of Joseph Smith. 

Raise your right hand if you wish you entered the draft last year. Oh. I guess that's pretty ironic.