The Nets are getting desperate.

As many of you NBA followers know, the Nets are bad. Really bad. They are worse off than J-WOWW's cancered skin cells. They are that bad. Since they are so bad, they've actually began looking for a new head coach for next season, and it's not even the all star game yet.

We have our hook ups here at the Perm, so I decided to put a phone call into Jay-Z and find out how he plans to fix the Nets. What resulted sounded more desperate than the screams for help from refugees in Haiti.

What?! No Word Yet from Erin Calipari

So, as many college fans have also found out today, Memphis was hit with some fire from the NCAA today. According to them, Memphis failed to exist in 2008, joining the '96 UMASS team in the black hole of college sports seasons. But wait. There was something familiar about these two instances. Was it the the fact that they are both mid-major? No. Hmmm. Was it the lack of white people? Absolutely not. UMASS is stacked with white folks. Damn what was that one common denominator?
Oh yeah, John Calipari. The man with the Don Draper salesman hairstyle. The one that took two different mid-major teams to the final four, only to have those teams erased from existence. The one that currently resides at the winning-est basketball school in America. Yeah, that John Calipari.

Yet, Calipari goes entirely unharmed throughout all the allegations. Either he is the best cover up man since Antonio Pierce, or the NCAA is afraid to sanction a coach at one of the most important basketball schools in the nation. Either way he must be locked up. Restricted from the land of 21 ft. three pointers. He brings out what we all hate in college basketball, which is Italians.

Also, on a semi-side note, Erin Calipari usually has a witty response to accusations about her dad and right now she is silent. I'm watching and waiting and praying for that status update.

High School Player Bypasses College, Rewarded by Jews

This just isn’t Rick Pitino’s week.

Or maybe Jeremy Tyler is a sadist.

Either way, Tyler, a rising senior at San Diego High, de-committed from Louisville this past spring in favor of money and matzo ball soup. Although Tyler's de-commitment is old news to Pitino, it serves as a friendly reminder that he will have one less five-star recruit in 2010.

By signing with the Maccabi Haifa, a team in the Israeli Premier League, Tyler becomes the first American underclassmen to join a foreign pro team in lieu of playing NCAA ball.

His reason for flying the coup early? The typical teenager excuse: Boredom.

I love it. The “at least 19 years old and one year removed from high school” rule is bullshit, not to mention employment discrimination. I can’t honestly think of a better way to stick it to the NBA’s Jewmissioner. Mazel Tov, young man.