Perm's Portrait - Tygatron 2000

Today the world heard what Tiger Tiger's PR guy had to say about the sexual inebriation exhibited by Tiger over the period of Elin's marriage to him. He said he was sorry, regretful, sorry again, and finally regretful again. It's almost as if he had been programed by the great Stephen Hawkings himself...

Tyga trying to lower his boners

Last time we left Tyga, he was just a minor nymphomaniac. Just as a lower level pot distributor would be. Now, we are talking large piles of weed sex. We knew he was railin bitches right and left, but no one expected him to be such a sex panther, so much a sex panther that he has checked into sex rehab. I smell reality show.

Adrian's Peterson doesn't like speed limits.

When you think of the Purple Jesus, what do you think of? Athleticism that only Hercules possesses. Badass eyes that pierce the souls of every man, woman and child. Speed that only Hurricane Katrina's wind could produce. Well, after Saturday's little stunt, we now know he isn't afraid to flaunt these talents off the football field.

Tiger acting a little too much like Tyga

More and more women have been showing off their jersey (polo shirt?) banging abilities to the press the past couple of days. Tyga Woods seems to have been getting a little side poontang from the ladies. Makes me wonder, though, what the other best players in the world have been doing.

For example, Zach Grenke. Best player ever (for the Royals). Has to get the pussy like catnip, but jesus that face is elementary. Plus he lives in Kansas City and, just ask Larry Johnson, the pickings are slim. So, with my overabundance of judgment, this is who he is fucking: