Oh Dick's, you leave so many holes in your story

I had to show this for multiple reasons, all of which will be explained in just a second. First I want to start off by saying, seriously, why the fuck Dick's? Why the fucking name? Are you that desperate for attention that you named your palace of guys Dick's? And if you are in such a need for marketing material, then why the fuck do you make commercials like this. I digress..

Really...Navy?

Wow. Just fucking wow.

Navy...

I know, they are America's defense and all, so a win for them is a win for the country. That's great, but wow. Mizzou couldn't even handle a school that is in the independent league?

For those who have never heard of Fire Joe Morgan, then you should be ashamed. They created a blog just for the act of reading between the lines of poorly written baseball stories. Since they have shut down and moved on to bigger things, there has been a hole in the blogosphere for readers to revel in the idiocrocy that is mediocre sports writing. Doing my part to fix this, I have decided to take up where they left off, and give Dick Vitale what he has been needing for a long time -- someone to bring him down to earth.

Today's Article: Conference USA has Improved

Wilt in italics.

Dick in bold.

Conference USA has turned into a very interesting league this season. My friends, for several years it was Memphis leading the way and everybody else far behind them.

Dick Vitale Writes?! - John Cheatapari

For those who have never heard of Fire Joe Morgan, then you should be ashamed. They created a blog just for the act of reading between the lines of poorly written baseball stories. Since they have shut down and moved on to bigger things, there has been a hole in the blogosphere for readers to revel in the idiocrocy that is mediocre sports writing. Doing my part to fix this, I have decided to take up where they left off, and give Dick Vitale what he has been needing for a long time -- someone to bring him down to earth.

Today's Article: Calipari matches Rupp for best start. 

Wilt in italics.

Dick in bold.

When John Calipari looked at his early-season schedule, he had to feel that the three-game stretch against North Carolina, Connecticut at Madison Square Garden and at Indiana was going to be a bumpy road.

Like driving over a road constructed of great blue whales. 

Tiger acting a little too much like Tyga

More and more women have been showing off their jersey (polo shirt?) banging abilities to the press the past couple of days. Tyga Woods seems to have been getting a little side poontang from the ladies. Makes me wonder, though, what the other best players in the world have been doing.

For example, Zach Grenke. Best player ever (for the Royals). Has to get the pussy like catnip, but jesus that face is elementary. Plus he lives in Kansas City and, just ask Larry Johnson, the pickings are slim. So, with my overabundance of judgment, this is who he is fucking: