Steve Young's concussions recede

I watched a significant portion of tonight's Monday Night Football matchup. I, like the majority of the nation outside of fagland (currently known as San Francisco), expected the BornagainWarners and AnquanFace-Offs to romp the Michael CrabHoldouts. Holy Jee Willikers, we miscalculated (and just look at that smile!).

I would like to take this moment to acknowledge the Cardinals irrefutable self-assertion to the leading position of Schizophreneteam. Commit yourself to the nearest NFL psychologist at your convenience.

Suicide NOtes: Michael Crabtree

While I was watching the Jay Leno show (PFT! Who am I kidding? I didn't watch it). While watching Phillip DeFranco, I was utterly surprised to find that Kanye was on the brink of Marilyn Monroe-ing himself. This made me think, hey Terrel Owens attempted suicide. Then i realized Vince Young got in on the self loathing as well. So, naturally I figured, what would their suicide letters look like? TO's would be a tear soaked note that just reads "HE'S MY QUARTERBACK" over and over like a page from The Grudge. No one would actually care for Vince Young's so instead of recreating their letters, why not make hypothetical letters for players who should be on the brink of inhaling a bucket of Tylenol. Today's suicide author is Mr. Crestationvegitation.

Dear Mom,

Thanks for letting me borrow your spare bedroom for the past few months while I figure my job situation out. It's been a pleasant 21 years and I was happy to have you as a mother, mainly for your apple pie, hahaha. But all jokes aside, I'm going to kill myself.