Late night blogging: Bart Scott and MLK

I had a dream, to make a video, involving Bart Scott's rant. I was successful. Go, 'Merica.

Gil Meche: Successful at Giving up

The comfort zone is resting an arm in Arizona with other retirees 

Today, Gil Meche hung up the last remnants of his shoulder blade, confirming the fact that the Royals will be using a 3 man rotation next year. This, of course, ends a career of pure mediocrity, that paid off to the tune of 55 million dollars over five years. What was the Royals return on that investment? An 84-83 record.

This reminds me of many others that gave up before they actually paid their dues to the world.

Kurt Cobain

I just went to mainstream, bro.

Nice job pussy. Maybe next time you consider helping your band mates. What the hell are they doing anymore? Probably working for Starbucks. This guy is a dick. He should have killed himself twice. Once for being depressed, and once for being a total dick and killing yourself.

Heath Ledger

"Oh hey guys! I'll just put out an Oscar performance and then kill myself. OK BAI." Go fuck yourself Heath. You masterfully did what no one else could do, which is make the Joker a believable character. Then, just to make sure everyone knew how for real you were in this character, you go crazy and die. You sir, are selfish.

John F. Kennedy

OH, YOU TOO SCARED TO FACE THE COLD WAR. Pussy. I know you have no soul, being that you are a ginger, but that doesn't mean you couldn't bless this Earth with your infidelity. You were supposed to pre-date Clinton as the first President to rail a bitch (publicly) who wasn't their wife in the office. Great job, at not living.

Adrian Peterson: Career Killer

It's been a while. My new years resolution this year was to contributed consistently on the blog, but due to my chronic procrastination, have waited until the 14th of January to start. That's a good sign. Clearly my determination to get into the RED ZONE, will prevail and there will be posts aplenty. Also, the site has moved back to blogspot because college is expensive, even if it only costs 10 dollars a year for a service charge for a big boy website. Anyways, I'm rusty so don't make fun of me.


Adrian Peterson is one of my favorite players to step on the field in Minnesota at the running back position. He's tough, he's rough, and occasionally has a muff, but all things said, you tend to hope a bruiser could actually be a nice guy off the field. NAY. He is a man that sees that laws do not apply to him. He once doubled the speed limit, just to show his new car off to the Minneapolis police department. Now he's at it again.

Mazda, this is your new sponsor. ZOOM ZOOM MUH FUCKAH

Definition of "Durr"

If you remember, the Vikings played football this year about as well as Kevin James plays a deep/interesting/intelligent character. Of course I mean they played like shit. And this was no way entirely Adrian Peterson's fault, but after this recent news, maybe it was his doing.

According to reports (YAHOOO!) apparently Brad Childress isn't the only victim to be axed from his employer thanks to the moves by Adrian Peterson.

A couple of weeks ago, Adrian Peterson was out on the town, most likely cruising upwards of triple the speed limit, and had an urge. An urge to release urine upon a McDonalds bathroom. This of course is quite common for most men in the Minnesota area, because it's where they spend 70% of their day, so comfort with the McD's B-room is not surprising.

What is surprising is that at 3 a.m., someone would let a strange black guy in their place of business. This of course is an offense that must be punished if you are the owner of such an establishment. God forbid you allow one person into the store after 3, but even though you don't allow the homeless guys in when they are looking for toilette to cuddle up with, I think you can make an exception for the leading rusher in the league, and the best running back in the league AND THE FACE OF MINNESOTA.

So Eff U McDonalds. If only you gave the reigns of your company to Grimace McGriddle, only then would have you have a company worth paying the stock price for.

College ROFLball: Week 4 football

FASA - Week 4

YOU JUST GOT OUT-CAUCASIAN'D

Another week another lack of posts. It's ok. You won't read it anyways. You just wanna get drunk. Fine. LETS GET TO IT.

6 - Touchdown

4 - Tackle in backfield

5 - Tipped pass

FRIDAY

IT'S TOO LATE ALREADY. JUST DRINK WHEN TCU COMPLETES A PASS.

SATURDAY

Best future draft bust EVER!!:)

Bowling Green vs Michigan - 12pm et - ESPN2

1 - Denard Robinson runs

2 - Denard completes a pass

3 - Kamar Jorden catches a pass

4 - "Heisman"

5 - "Terrelle Pryor"

700 - Michigan's dormant volcano explodes and kills Rich Rodriguez only.

Finish 2 beers for a Bowling Green win. Prepare for the good games

I rely on G. Gilbert. Suck on it.

UCLA vs Texas - 3:30 pm et - ABC or ESPN or ESPN2

1- "Texas running game"

2 - Garret Gilbert completes a pass

3 - Kevin Prince incomplete pass

4 - Johnathan Franklin TD run

5 - Garret Gilbert pick

500 - UCLA starts having intercourse with themselves and complete the phrase UCL-GAY.

Finish 2 more beers for a UCLGAY win. Better games are cumming.

IS THAT MICHAEL VICK?

Oregon State vs Boise State - 8 pm et - ABC

1 - Kellen Moore completion

2 - Jaquizz Rodgers run

3 - "BCS team"

4 - Kellen Moore TD

5 - "Heisman"

600 -  Groups from Westboro Baptist come on the field and take Kellen Moore away because they think the name Kellen is gay.

Finish a beer if Oregon State wins. Then make your night like your house. OWN IT. OWN THAT SHIT. FUCK BEN BERNANKE.

SONG THAT WOULD TOP THE BCS RANKINGS FOR THE WEEK.



HERM SPERM

Selma Hayek is hot. Not just because of the boobs. Well, yeah, because of the boobs. But she also has a hot accent. And a umm .....(drools)....What was that? Oh yeah nice boobies.

 

Why yes, I have exquisite tits.

College ROFLball: Week Two Football

FASA - Week 3

Just gonna do photos. This is James Simms. He has a flat top and protects it with a doo rag.

Again, this week contained limited posts, but that's what Halo Reach will do to you. Anyways, after a good set of games last week, we follow up with a large pile of gay condoms. Lots of AIDS this week. Only one ranked match up, and it's at fucking 10 o'clock eastern. Fucking scheduling people. What does it mean?

7 - Touchdown

9 - Interception

6 - Sack


FRIDAY

Kansas vs Mississippi State - ESPN - 8 pm et

1 - James Simms gets a carry

2 - Southern Miss gets a first down

3 - Daymond Patterson touches the ball

4 - Southern Miss runs the option.

5 - "Georgia Tech win"

600 - Brett Farve is at the game and injures his throat from cheering.

Kill yourself if KU loses this game. Seriously. We beat fucking Georgia Tech.

SATURDAY

Arkansas vs Georgia - ESPN - 12pm et.

1 - "AJ Green"

2 - (AJ Green)

3 - Run for 5 yards or more

4 - Pass for 15 yards or more.

5 - Passing touchdown

100 - Ryan Mallet does a Gallagher and starts smashing objects on the sideline with a mallet.

Drink at will for a Georgia win. It's really not an upset. They're favored.


 USC vs Minnesota - ESPN -  3:30 pm et

1- Minnesota completion

2 - Dillon Baxter touch

3 - Ronald Johnson touch

4 - Minnesota first down

5 - Matt Barkley throws a pick

800 - It snows in Minnesota

Finish your beer and then eat a cheese brat if Minnesota wins.


Texas vs Texas Tech - ABC - 8pm et

1 - Reference the game two years ago

2 - (the game two years ago)

3 - "Colt McCoy"

4 - "Michael Crabtree"

5 - Taylor Potts throws a TD

400 - Tommy Tubberville sends someone to the shed.

Finish a beer and finish yourself off because Texas Tech won.



Iowa vs Arizona State - ESPN - 10:30pm et

1 - Rick Stanzi completes a pass

2 - Adam Robinson breaks a 5 yard carry

3 - "BCS"

4 - Nick Foles throws a pick

5 - Nic Grigsby breaks a tackle

600 - Kirk Ferentz makes sex with a cougar on the sideline.

Drink some shots with varying amounts of volume for an Arizona win.

SONG THAT WOULD RANK #1 IN THE BCS POLLS



Herm Sperm

This is Allison Brie. She is the love of all things internet. Hot, but not slutty, and very promiscuous. Did I mention hot?