Suicide Notes: Aaron Corp

It's Thursday, and it's a great day to ponder suicide, waddya think? It's sunny and 71 with a slight chance of depression and a 100 percent chance of Xanax in Aaron Corp's future. In fact, there could be quite a few other pills joining the Xanax in his system after a horrible last week. (BING) Oh, an email, wonder who it could possibly be. Wow, it's Aaron Corp, and it's his suicide letter. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!. Well, since I disclose everything to the public, including criminal records and gay tests (yes, it's a real thing) here you go.

Message from Aaron Corp:

Dear God, (How did he forward this to god, and then why did god forward this to me?)

Aaron Corp: Pussy, Homo, Failure - Texts From Saturday

I'll concede that USC's shot at a National Championship seemed slim in the hands of a true freshman. I even expressed mild hesitance when Carroll announced that Barkley would start. But if someone told me that our championship hopes would be crushed by a quarterback with three years of collegiate experience - I'd tell you to get tested for retardation.

Yes, we fumbled thrice in the Washington territory. But Corp's performance at quarterback was disparagingly pathetic. He threw balls into double and triple coverage, as if to try and prove that he deserved to start over Barkley. His selfishness only proved that this person playing QB would have given USC a better shot of winning:

If Corp isn't cut by tomorrow, I hope he's at least behind Garrett Green on the quarterback depth chart. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck you Corp.

Here's Wilt with some positive KU news. Go choke on barbed wire, Corp.

We won. That's all. Todd Reesing whipped out his big floppy and grabbed the blue devils head and commenced to flogging. Then after all the bones were turned into mush, Todd made the devils suck it till he came, in the form of a 44 to 16 finish. Can I get a UNDEFEATED? (Bubb reaches for shotgun)

Luckily for all you readers, we transcribed our string of threads during the game put them below. Enjoy Bubbs depressed thoughts and my arrogant ones. As always, Wilt = blue and Bubb = red and these are word for word.

2:29 am-Shat is LA doing on s ku night

2:17 pm- cale pick yeahhhh

heeeeeyooooo cale pick

TOBEN

2:21- Stop. I'm trying to focus on the REAL game in the REAL conference.

USC destroys Minorities

When I left the final intrasquad scrimmage at the Coliseum today, the Trojan starters were pummeling the second- and third-string black squad by 34. Matt Barkley looked solid, as did Aaron Corp. I have a v-neck farmers tan. Ronald Johnson is out six to eight fucking weeks with a broken collarbone that he suffered early on in the game. Here are some sub-par iPhone pics:

Matt Barkley (7) jogs out of the tunnel after halftime

The team taking the field after halftime

The Man, The Legend, Taylor Fucking Mays

Taylor Mays conversates/intimidates an innocent fan

Damian Williams is much lonelier with RoJo's injury
Ignore the Tapout-wearing douchebag, and focus on the camaraderie in front of him

The ever-elusive Pete Carroll jogs onto the field

The black team, which could still beat last year's UW squad
Look who's avoiding Toronto at all costs! (Not pictured are Leonard Washington, Alex Stepheson and Marcus Johnson, who all attended)