Random skanks were fine, but now Tiger's crossed a line.

Call me the rhymenocerous, bitches. Tiger Woods' (and anyone else's) personal life is none of my business. And it's none of your business. And, really, as fascinating as it might be to see someone who was on top of the world fall so incredibly far and look so incredibly human (and by human, I mean whorish), I don't really care all that much. And fuck ETSMPZN (that's ESPN with TMZ mixed in there, you see?).

Of course Tiger was getting some side poon. When you break it down, does that really shock anyone all that much? Now, the scope of this scandal is one thing, but what athlete isn't cleaning his pipes behind his wife's back? The number is probably something like 75 percent. This is why Derek Jeter just didn't get married. He can smash any random slag he wants and no one cares!

Tiger Has Upset The Family

(Monday Morning, First tee, Bay Hill Golf Course, Orlando)



TIGER: I don't know what to do. The media is all over me. This is all spiraling out of control, much like that tee shot I just sprayed down the right side. I don't understand why people are infatuated with this.