Abusive Coaches Anonymous

In a local Tampa Bay high school locker room, three figures are seen sitting in folding chairs, all facing each other. They sip coffee and nibble on stale danishes while discussing sports, their wives' cooking and other inconsequential topics. Suddenly, the door is violently thrown open, revealing an aryan-looking man in a green polo and visor.

Leavitt: OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE! JIMMYBOY'S HERE! Shit, this is one sorry-looking pack of pussies. I have to waste an hour of my Friday night for the next 10 weeks with you assholes? (throws hat on ground). DAG GUMMIT!

Leave Tom Cable Alone!

(Wilt Editor's Note: Bubb has always been a commander of the woman's equal rights movement. He is actively pursuing a degree in womens history with a minor in gynecology. He also has uses maxi pads daily, so don't label Bubb as a sexist. If anything you should be promoting this devotion.)

It's not enough that Tom Cable is stuck coaching a team that is the brunt of one-third of every NFL franchise joke (Browns, Redskins), and must educate a quarterback whose intellect would be complimented if called imbecilic. No, his world hasn't achieved an acceptable level of misery yet. Now, the coach is being ridiculed by the National Organization of Women (NOW), who want him ousted from his position.

Let's pause for a minute and appreciate that a group of woman organizers is called NOW. Women demanding immediacy?? Whodathunkit!