College ROFLball: You're Drafted!

Dick Vitale Writes?! - John Cheatapari

For those who have never heard of Fire Joe Morgan, then you should be ashamed. They created a blog just for the act of reading between the lines of poorly written baseball stories. Since they have shut down and moved on to bigger things, there has been a hole in the blogosphere for readers to revel in the idiocrocy that is mediocre sports writing. Doing my part to fix this, I have decided to take up where they left off, and give Dick Vitale what he has been needing for a long time -- someone to bring him down to earth.

Today's Article: Calipari matches Rupp for best start. 

Wilt in italics.

Dick in bold.

When John Calipari looked at his early-season schedule, he had to feel that the three-game stretch against North Carolina, Connecticut at Madison Square Garden and at Indiana was going to be a bumpy road.

Like driving over a road constructed of great blue whales. 

He's a brick (dunna dun-a) WALL

Who is 6 foot 3 with a dick the size of Manhattan? John Fucking Wall. It only took me one game to realize how fucking incredible he is. His speed, as Kenny Mayne would say, is incedniary. Vision, like an eagle with prescription sunglasses. Athleticism that only makes sense if it was gentically engineered. He is fucking ay-may-zing.

I have resented John Wall for the past 5 months after his signing with Kentucky. He was supposed to go to Kansas (as is every other good player. It should be a no brainer right?), but he didn't. That doesn't piss me off though, as long as he ends up at UCLA, Pitt or even UNC. BUT FUCKING KENTUCKY?! Christ, Kentucky only has a decent program because of KU.