Lebron skipped college, BUT HE WANT THE EXPERIENCE OF GETTING PAID BY CALIPARI ANYWAYS

It's a well known fact around these parts that I am a huge John Calipari hater. If facebook had a dislike button, I would hit it non stop on Calipari's fan page. If I had a chance at exposing Calipari's money laundering schemes, I would do anything to break the story. Blow J's included. He is the vain of my existence.

He is like Darth Vader, the way he left Kansas as an assistant, and then went on to totally not being cool. He had Xavier in his lap before he left for Kentucky. He stole John Wall. He almost stole Josh Selby. He almost beat us in 2008. I have a dart board with his face on it. And when a play darts, I use grenades. I hate him more than immigrants hate Arizona. I hate him more than Al Gore hates BP.

"Ladies and Gentleman: This is a basketball"

You know who I do like though? Lebron James. And even with the loss last night, I still like him. And from the sounds of it, I better be prepared to like him even more. Here's why. Read that link. Read it hard, because I sure as hell did.

It basically states that Lebron is using his posse to drag Calipari to the team of his choosing in the Free Agent cumfest 2010. This means many things.

One - Calipari will be leaving the college basketball for a long time, because he has Lebron. He won't get fired, because he has Lebron. He doesn't even have to coach, which is his forte, because he has Lebron.

Two - He will be leaving Kentucky after one year, creating a void at Kentucky, where the most obnoxious fans reside (apart from Duke of course). Then they will suck again. And then, maybe they can take a third Kansas assistant coach in a row to coach their team as Kansas itself passes them in the all time wins category.

The King request's your services Calipari

Three - Calipari will look even more douchy than before. I didn't think it was possible at this stage, but Calipari has to one up himself every time. Now, not only will Memphis, UMass, and Nets fans hate him, but the most winningest basketball school (for now) will hate him.

Fourth - As a result of 1-3 I will cum uncontrollably, and as everyone knows, cumming is awesome.

So, what was Cleveland's loss, will become my win, and all of Kansas' win, and all of college basketball's win. And with the new collective bargaining agreement in the NBA, there is a chance that the one-and-done rule will be eliminated for a two or three and done rule, with the best recruiter in the nation at Kansas. Oh shit, Oh shit ... I need new pants.

Frat guy D-Row here to talk about Brandon Knight

Yo brah's. Just got done sleeping through my 10 am class and figured I do something productive with my day. At least until I get that KEGGER POPPIN' WHA WHAA! (Raises the Roof)

I hear this guy, what's his name Brandon Knight? He signed with my favorite coach ever. EVER BRAH! John Calipari. Love that dude. He does what he has to. If he needs a recruit, then he'll just dish him a few greenbacks to get him on his roster. He's just like me. If I need to get laid, then I just buy my lady a ruficolada. SHIT WORKS BRAH. (Reverses trucker hat)

And I really like Brandon Knight. Brah can ball up real tight yo. But I would like him a lot more if he did his name up all bro you know. Like my name. D-Row. My parents back at the Hamptons named me Derrick Rowland, but you know what? I gotta G up my name. That's when my frat bro T-Dawg came up with my brilliant name. D-Row. And it's rhymes with bro so you know it's bro. (Pops collar)

For those who have never heard of Fire Joe Morgan, then you should be ashamed. They created a blog just for the act of reading between the lines of poorly written baseball stories. Since they have shut down and moved on to bigger things, there has been a hole in the blogosphere for readers to revel in the idiocrocy that is mediocre sports writing. Doing my part to fix this, I have decided to take up where they left off, and give Dick Vitale what he has been needing for a long time -- someone to bring him down to earth.

Today's Article: Conference USA has Improved

Wilt in italics.

Dick in bold.

Conference USA has turned into a very interesting league this season. My friends, for several years it was Memphis leading the way and everybody else far behind them.

Dick Vitale Writes?! - John Cheatapari

For those who have never heard of Fire Joe Morgan, then you should be ashamed. They created a blog just for the act of reading between the lines of poorly written baseball stories. Since they have shut down and moved on to bigger things, there has been a hole in the blogosphere for readers to revel in the idiocrocy that is mediocre sports writing. Doing my part to fix this, I have decided to take up where they left off, and give Dick Vitale what he has been needing for a long time -- someone to bring him down to earth.

Today's Article: Calipari matches Rupp for best start. 

Wilt in italics.

Dick in bold.

When John Calipari looked at his early-season schedule, he had to feel that the three-game stretch against North Carolina, Connecticut at Madison Square Garden and at Indiana was going to be a bumpy road.

Like driving over a road constructed of great blue whales. 

Bobby Knight: Regular reader of the Perm?

As you know, if you are loyal follower, I have a viscous and life shortening hate towards John Calipari. I have stated it more than twice, and yet the media has made no comment. Surely, a blog with the massive readership this one does should have the capability to bring up ideas that result in reasonable questions. I'm like Glenn Beck. I'M JUST ASKING QUESTIONS. Also asking questions, albeit months later than I was, is my newest favorite retired basketball coach/announcer Bobby Knight.

He's a brick (dunna dun-a) WALL

Who is 6 foot 3 with a dick the size of Manhattan? John Fucking Wall. It only took me one game to realize how fucking incredible he is. His speed, as Kenny Mayne would say, is incedniary. Vision, like an eagle with prescription sunglasses. Athleticism that only makes sense if it was gentically engineered. He is fucking ay-may-zing.

I have resented John Wall for the past 5 months after his signing with Kentucky. He was supposed to go to Kansas (as is every other good player. It should be a no brainer right?), but he didn't. That doesn't piss me off though, as long as he ends up at UCLA, Pitt or even UNC. BUT FUCKING KENTUCKY?! Christ, Kentucky only has a decent program because of KU.