College Foot-A-Palooza: Permcast

Everyone who wants to hear some pre-drunk babbling from two college age people, then you've come to the right spot. We cover topics that only the most ADD of people would cover, such as American Apparel, The Religion Conference, and A.J. Dualerio. Oh did I mention we were striving for an NCAA College Football Preview Permcast? No, well thats was our goal, but many times your goals aren't reached, just like Herm Edwards. So enjoy the half hour of nonsense we consider journalism. Please, if you want tickets to the 3-D showing at the Galen Center for the USC Ohio State game, leave a badass comment, that way we can actually have a laugh, and then cyber high five you with free tix. Go NCAA!

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GQ Identifies 25 Douchiest Colleges; Irony for GQ Readers Ensues

USC places 16th on the list because of our giant sunglasses. We're sorry that all of our students are blinded by each others' beauty.

KU did not make the list, probably because it rains too much in Kansas Kansans are too angry about their hideousness to put any effort into practicing douchebaggery.


Seriously, being a douche is hard work. Just ask GJay Cutler.

College Foot-A-Palooza: Profit Kyle Gives Predictions

Thou must follow the word, of the great and almighty Kyle, soon to be a brothren of the pen name 20K sexcapade, as I shall give upon the, profits of the most dire necessity. NCAA predictions. Enjoy in your native writing style as the future has been told and will unfold in this exact fashion....BITCHES!

ACC- Both Florida teams are gonna flop. I will promise it right now. They get overrated every year and this year wont be any different. Virginia Tech is probably the all round favorite, but those fucking dual QB systems are frustrating to watch. More frustrating than listening to Dick Vitale explain Hansbrough's NBA potential. So that leaves us with Georgia Tech. I love them. Passing? Pfft, fuck that. The triple option makes defenses wilt. No one can stop it, not even Tim Tebow spliced with a dragon. Then, with the time possession in their favor, GT can pick apart every team in the conference lacking high powered offenses, which is all of them. Definitely Georgia Tech.

Big 12- I'm not sure what could actually happen in this conference this year, but I can tell you Oklahoma State will eat shit. They will have the same problem that Missouri and Kansas had last year with the second year relapse. Another promise is that Kansas will win the North. It's a fucking lock. That offense is one of the best in the nation, and returned 18 starters from last year. In fact it gained a big power back to get short yardage. The defense is better, with a year under it's belt in the secondary, and one of the best safeties in the nation. I still think Oklahoma would come out of the south, even though everyone is on the longhorn's cock this off season. Bradford is just plain better. That's the single reason. When it comes down to the final between KU and OU, it's basically going to be a coin flip. I want KU 'cuz, I'm obligated to as a student there, but it will most likely be Oklahoma, 'cuz that's what the Big 12 officials want. I can promise you that the winner of the Big 12 will be in the National Championship though.

Big East-Is a joke. The Mountain West is a better conference. It's been proven, Utah beating Alabama, TCU beating Boise St. So, to be honest, they don't even deserve a pick from me. They should be grateful to have this many words since all the teams are about as good as Ludacris' acting. So, I will just do a coin flip tournament to decide the champ.

First round: Connecticut over Cincy. Louisville over Pitt. South Florida over Rutgers. Syracuse over West Virginia.

Second Round:Louisville over UConn. South Florida over Syracuse.

WINNER: South Florida. There you go. Your 2010 Big east champions.

Big 10- If arrogance won championships, then THE Ohio State University would win it all. Unfortunately, it hinders your team. Especially when your QB doesn't know the difference between zone and man. Wait, are we talking about Penn State too? Hell yes. They are both overrated. Both lost defensive talent and have horrible QB's and unknown running backs. That's why I'm going with Iowa. Drinking games aside, they are the best all round team. They're well coached with a returning QB and great O-line. That's enough to win in the slow paced Big 10 that has about as much excitement as a Kobe Bryant interview.

Pac-10-UCLA. Winning it all with no problem at all. (just kidding Bubb). The state of Oregon will duke it out, but it will be a battle for the two spot 'cuz USC has this locked up more than OJ. Their only "challenge" will be the early Ohio State game, but as I said before, the buckeyes are overrated. We will again get to enjoy the spoils of home on home jersey action in the battle for LA at the end of the season. Also, Cal might fight it's way into the two spot while the Oregons go at it, but that one sided offense isn't competing with USC. Either way, in the end, the Pac-10 champs will be the trojans.

SEC-Well if God were real, then Florida wouldn't lose a game this year. And they probably won't lose a game this year. So, maybe going to church would be a good idea. Nothing is stopping them from going to the title game this year. Ole Miss is gonna hit the wall like Okie State and LSU and Alabama are in different league than Florida. Tebow still won't win the Heisman but he will win the SEC and have a second coming in the natty champ and face off against Oklahoma who will again bust like a hymen under pressure.

Kobe Bryant Loses Popularity Contest to Elderly Spanish Singer Whom I've Never Heard of and a Guy from Kansas

The people of Los Angeles have spoken. Emerging victorious as the person who Angelenos would "most like to eat lunch with" was Plácido Domingo, a Spanish tenor who serves as the General Director of the Los Angeles Opera. Philip Anschutz of AEG placed second.

Upon first impression, this is completely baffling. Kobe Bryant is so popular, that his mere being invokes Rodney King-level insanity. Exhibits A, B and C:


Anschutz and Domingo's combined entertainment values produce a slightly more subdued result:
Upon closer review, the poll appeared exclusively online. The likeliness of Exhibits A and B owning a computer is worse than the Chiefs' Super Bowl chances, so this really wasn't a fair assessment to begin with. Kobe unofficially wins because the vast majority of his supporters lack the financial support and intellectual ability to respond to a poll, let alone understand the meaning of the word.

Edit: Kyle would like me to point out that Anschutz not only comes from Kansas, but attended the University of Kansas and has a library on campus named after him. Thanks Kyle, you arrogant prick.

COLLEGE FOOT-A-PALOOZA

Yes, yes. All of you need to simmer the fuck down. It's still one more day til the big day. Thursday the third of September doesn't just represent the day my rent is due. It does represent something that's been due for the past eight and a half months. Yes, it's Boise State football, er, college football in general. Schools in the top twenty five have their heads in the BCS cloud and will most likely be rained on thanks to the storm that is the BCS system. Since it's never too early to begin complaining about the BCS, that even the President loathes, I figure it's a solid time to start.

But first, some Jay-Z.

listen while watching lou holtz below

Yes, we are stuck in an "Empire State of mind" when it comes to the BCS. We have to deal with the empire that governs our beloved college football, and without even an Alicia Keys hook. Either way the problem should have been solved years ago, and even with lawsuits abound, it still lives on like a reoccurring nightmare (aka Brett fucking Farve). We need change. We have a cappuccino black president, and Weeds is the best show on TV. The world wants revolution, and I'm going to bring it to them, in the form of a blog with low readership.

 

make that improved readership

Wouldn't college football be better off drawing out of a hat? At least it would make for an interesting selection night. Because, we have the media voting on the BCS, we already know what is going to happen. This is where things need to be changed. There should be no locks in the bowl games. The top teams should make the BCS, and not Cincinnati. Of course, a tournament solves the problem for the championship, but we still need to fix the entry form. This is an easy fix if you consider just pushing the burden off on to an NCAA tournament selection committee. Seems like I've heard that before, somewhere.

Then obviously the tournament format would have to be decided on. There are about four to five weeks during the conference championships and national championship right now. That basically eliminates a tourney system of greater than 16. 16, though, is too many games, and doesn't reward the teams that have dominated all season. 12 seems solid, except it still leaves two many teams in, taking away TV money, and media attention away from the schools. 11 and 12 can enjoy a splendid cotton bowl game.

Then we come to 10 teams. I actually came up with this last year. This system would have two play in games between the 10-7 teams and then rewarding the top six with a bye. There would be no conference automatic bids 'cuz if you can beat your conference, you should make the tourney. If not, then clearly your team didn't do enough. If you have an undefeated season you will make the tourney no doubt.  Then the teams go at it for 4 weeks and the best team wins. Problem fucking solved. The money would still be there and it would be fair and even, yes even for you Utes.

There will be a sex boat load more of posts from here, and on through the weekend about the awesome games, the drankin, and the outcomes of said games and drankin.  Enjoy it, 'cuz just like sex with Megan Fox, it only comes once.

Lou Holtz's Perception of American Capitalism Matches his Perception of Notre Dame's Talent

Oh, yes. We're about to get stomach-deep in the bitch known as politics. You might want to double-bag this one.



Before we dive in, lets recall a particularly befuddling prediction made by Lou Holtz last month, in which he proclaims Notre Dame will win the National Championship. Holtz's public display of disillusionment and separation from reality resurfaced in a recent Wall Street Journal article about the political affiliations of collegiate and professional head football coaches (the issue of this article's timeliness and relevance is an entirely separate story). Here are the coach's enlightening comments regarding why coaching reflects a republican/conservative mentality:

"You aren't entitled to anything. You don't inherit anything. You get what you earn—your position on the team," Mr. Holtz said. "You're treated like everybody else. You're held accountable for your actions. You understand that your decisions affect other people on that team…There's winners, there's losers, and there's competitiveness."

Congrats, Lou. You've effectively described every form of employment in the United States and perpetuated a stigma that Democrats are equivalent to socialists. Where is Dr. Kevorkian when you need him?

How exactly has Lou maintained his employment with ESPN? It's certainly not because of his tact and sensibility, or how he was hardly held accountable for his impeccable insight. And surely Lou's history as a coach doesn't entitle him to a position as an analyst, right? A prominent Democrat, who also happened to deliver the commencement speech at the coach's Alma Mater this past year, exhibited better sports foresight than Holtz.

If we give Lou's analytic skills the benefit of the doubt, and agree that Notre Dame's players over the past two seasons possessed enormous talent, then is Charlie Weis really being treated like everyone else?

If Republican coaches like Holtz ran the country, George Bush would be serving a third term and every year would begin with new prospects of a strong economy, only to end up like this:

Hold Your Ropes There Thigpen.

So yeah, Tyler is clearly gloating his new found starter position just a bit much. Almost as if he knew it would happen. And I don't mean in that, "this was my destiny" type of knowing. I'm talking about the "there's five bucks in it if you don't block for Cassel" premeditated knowledge. Clearly being the number two guy wasn't enough for 'ol Thigpen. Sadly, he may not even earn that starting position he prays preys for. Apparently Croyle has been hotter in training camp than Emma Watson rolling around in jello pudding, while Bill Cosby announces. (hides boner in library)

Still, Thigpen is the one that has proven it in games, and with a line about as permeable as an amoeba, a running QB will be desired. Of course anything could happen now with the Chiefs. They fired their O coordinator. They traded their only franchise player to the Falcons. Unless God is watching over, Kansas City is doomed for another 3rd pick in the draft next year. I guess the saying goes "To the loser goes the spoils."

Wait, What?