Perm's Portrait - Jail Break

Every year, March comes around and the NFL free agents from each team begin their migrate across the nation. It's a strange occurrence that can't be explained by scientists, but all we know is that they head to the money. This year is no different, at least for those unrestricted free agents. Those that are restricted, well, they're fucked.

Enjoy your new home Julius, and word to the Saints. You should probably resign Darren Sharper. He did kind of carry you to a FUCKING SUPER BOWL?!!!11!?

As for you Ronnie Brown, and Brandon Marshall, unless you can pull a first round pick out of your pants (Greg Oden sure can) you get to stay fucked on your shitty teams. And Brandon, Darrent Williams was totally your fault. HOW'S THAT FEEL? Probably not as bad as being a restricted free agent.

Perm's Portrait: You tired of 'Who Dat' yet?

New Orleans is ground zero...again. Gumbo hasn't been stirred. Jazz music hasn't been played. Levies haven't broken. The only thing functioning right now in New Orleans are livers and keg taps. That is all. Brain cells are dead. Super Bowless teams are dead. Peyton's legacy is dead.

So, since you've had enough Super Bowl bullshit, we decided to give you some more just to piss you the fuck off.

Perm's Portrait: Something that rhymes with "two per goal Monday"

I've had the death flu for the last week. It's been like handing Ray Lewis a butcher's knife and having him go at you. That's how bad it's been, so obviously I have been creatively stagnant. That's alright though. Even if I am melting my cerebral cortex right now, I still have the perseverance to get you your weekly Perm's Portrait. This one has a surprising theme to it.

Perm's Portrait - Fresh meat.

We have all heard of the Greg Oden indecent. He and his lady (I hope) friend were having a little sexting, when all of a sudden, Oden wanted to get his Maxim on. What's a guy supposed to do when you have these urges? Call a photographer? Expensive. Volunteer for a nude portrait at a painting class at the YMCA? Too much meth.

What did Greg do? He found the closest mirror and snapped himself a self portrait. Of course, now the world knows of the Oden penis, and so do NCAA colleges. One of which has actually offered up a scholarship for Lil' Oden. (NSFW)

Perm's Portrait: Do I have to choose one?

On paper this would be an easy pick for a USC fan: Sanchize taking a fat, peanut-y poop on traitorous Pete Carroll's advice. If not for the overtly arrogant Jets fans who believe that they could conquer world hunger if it was their Super Bowl opponent, I would have definitely pulled for Gang Green. Revis Island makes Pandora look like a Texas landfill. Wait...that makes no sense. Revis Island is just unaccommodating, okay?

Perm's Portraits - Lane Shittin

Rappers love to shit on others. Just ask Lil Wayne. His shit jokes fire off freely like Kobe Bryant jumpshots. He's never afraid, but it's actually Kanye who encompasses everything that went down in Tennessee.

Welcome to the buffet Jim

This is a new thing we are gonna do here at Herm's Perm. Every Friday, we'll do a little photoshopping fun, and it won't have a lot of words, but it will have a lot of fun. Another new thing happening tonight, BUBB RUBB, because that fucker seems to think posting once a month is ok. He's more sporadic than Donny McNabb's passes. Of course, with the tragic unfolding of today, he was destined to post. But first, our opening Perm's Portrait.