B(r)eak 'Em (Rules) Hawks

Look who can't get enough press. Tyshawn Taylor. Speculation out of Lawrence today states that we have ourselves another fuck up, to say it lightly.

On September 13th, Markieff Morris, forward for the #1 Jayhawks, had a little fender bender on 17th and Tennessee (only three blocks away from the school's bars, but that's beside the point). According to the police report, Markieff was driving former Kansas forward, and Lawrence resident, Scott Pollard's Tahoe.

Let that soak in a bit.

 And he had a 16 year old in the car after midnight.

SOAK IT IN!

Big FU to ESPN's Great John Hollinger

I recently got a letter from a reader asking:

What do you think about John Hollinger's PER ratings on ESPN?
-Imaji Nary (Buttphuck, Kansas)

Thanks for the question Imaji. I hear the weather down there is swampy and hot this time of year. Please use some protection, from the sun of course. To answer your question, No. I won't even comment on that. Anybody who sets up a ranking system where Andrew Bynum is listed as the eighth best player is either are from LA or doesn't know the term injury prone.

John used math to compile stats like a fucking junk yard, and then fancies it up with derivatives, sigmas and lamdas. It makes no sense. Especially when this person doesn't explain his scoring, or why the hell Greg Oden is ranked higher than Steve Nash, LaMarcus Aldridge and Carlos Boozer. So, to counter Hollinger's projections, I'll make up my own, stricly based on how badass, sexy, and awesome these players are.

#1-Lebron James- Yeah, go fuck your Chris Paul in the rectum Hollinger. Lebron is clearly the most talented, tooled, and badass player in the world, ever. This should go without saying, but for some reason I have to say it.

[INSERT NEGATIVE CLICHE]: Week 4

Rain on a parade.  The bitter pill.  Debbie Downer.  If you read my previous post, you may have gotten the impression I am all of these.  Well guess what?  Your impression is dead-on (though still not as good as Dave Coulier's Bullwinkle*).  I'm a ruiner, a spoiler, a poop.  When a couple tells me they're going to have a baby, I remind them that their current economic situation will put the baby behind a significant 8-ball that it won't ever be able to overcome, regardless of how many books they buy or how long the mother holds headphones playing Beethoven up to her engorged belly.  If I were around to hear a 19-year-old Mackenzie Phillips brag about fucking a rock star, I would have pointed out that the rock star was her dad (and even if he wasn't, he's not necessarily all that great of a catch).

Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse: Week 5

This is a weekly blog that compares the likes of college football and addictive drugs, and then rolls it into a tight little blunt I like to call the Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then clearly you have participated in some Friday morning substance abuse. So get ready to sit Indian Native American style and stare at a bookshelf for 3 hours cause it's time to drop some acid.
 
Last weekend was outstanding. Outstanding like a warrant for your drug paraphernalia. Loses across the board to teams I hated and or wanted to lose. Upsets were a plenty and I pregammed with jello shots before the KU game. Couldn't be any better.

One game that really caught my eye was the Miami and Virginia Tech game. I never thought that I would see it in my life, considering it seemed like God wouldn't allow it, but there were TWO, I repeat, TWO BLACK QUARTERBACKS on the field. JESUS GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER. I wish the game were on where I would have had the privilege to witness this, but unfortunately the Kansas Racism Standards Association kept this out of viewing. Probably for the best though. This match up might have put holes in my brain like 27 pills of ecstasy. After the insanity subdued, Virginia Tech walked out with a win. Jacory Harris walked away with prosthetic appendages. He was roughed up like a Vietnam POW.

PermCast: Oct. 1 2009

This is a very important post for us here at Herm's Perm. We hit the century mark in posts, and as a reward we have offered all four of our viewers gifts. First, is the addition of a new writer by the name of Canaan Christ. He's awesome at what he does, NFL, and will brighten your day every Tuesday with a little after the fact blog from the weekend of football. His opening dialogue is right below waiting to be read by the masses.

Our other offer is this here PermCast, which as always, is a jumbled mess of predictions, racism, and most of all, poor audio. So enjoy, and continue to enjoy the rewards that are reaped from putting a Perm on Herm.
  

   
   
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By the time I was born, Michael Jordan was a rookie...at North Carolina

Word up, Perm Heads (?).  I just finished reading Bubb Rubb's LeBron James post, and let me tell you, that motherfucker can write.  Really enjoyable stuff.  I think he may have underestimated how close death always is for a 24-year old black male from a poor economic background, and also how the most interesting part of LeBron's career isn't going to be his championships but his free agency next summer, but all in all, great job.   As Judge Smails would say, "Top notch!  Top notch!"  (That's right, bitches.  Caddyshack.  Deal with it.)

LeBron James' Life Will be a Four-Part Book Series and Film Quadrilogy

LeBron James has his own book. And his own movie. He's not dead, nor is he retired. At 24 years old, he isn't remotely close to either of those milestones. Which is why the aforementioned forms of his biography are premature and unacceptable.

As LeBron enters his seventh professional season, he may be a veteran by experience standards, but hardly by tenure. Barring any debilitating injuries, he has at least ten more years in the tank. I guess the journey up to this point provides enough content to tell a thorough story, but without a ring on his finger and several more years ahead of him, is this all really necessary?