Lebron skipped college, BUT HE WANT THE EXPERIENCE OF GETTING PAID BY CALIPARI ANYWAYS

It's a well known fact around these parts that I am a huge John Calipari hater. If facebook had a dislike button, I would hit it non stop on Calipari's fan page. If I had a chance at exposing Calipari's money laundering schemes, I would do anything to break the story. Blow J's included. He is the vain of my existence.

He is like Darth Vader, the way he left Kansas as an assistant, and then went on to totally not being cool. He had Xavier in his lap before he left for Kentucky. He stole John Wall. He almost stole Josh Selby. He almost beat us in 2008. I have a dart board with his face on it. And when a play darts, I use grenades. I hate him more than immigrants hate Arizona. I hate him more than Al Gore hates BP.

"Ladies and Gentleman: This is a basketball"

You know who I do like though? Lebron James. And even with the loss last night, I still like him. And from the sounds of it, I better be prepared to like him even more. Here's why. Read that link. Read it hard, because I sure as hell did.

It basically states that Lebron is using his posse to drag Calipari to the team of his choosing in the Free Agent cumfest 2010. This means many things.

One - Calipari will be leaving the college basketball for a long time, because he has Lebron. He won't get fired, because he has Lebron. He doesn't even have to coach, which is his forte, because he has Lebron.

Two - He will be leaving Kentucky after one year, creating a void at Kentucky, where the most obnoxious fans reside (apart from Duke of course). Then they will suck again. And then, maybe they can take a third Kansas assistant coach in a row to coach their team as Kansas itself passes them in the all time wins category.

The King request's your services Calipari

Three - Calipari will look even more douchy than before. I didn't think it was possible at this stage, but Calipari has to one up himself every time. Now, not only will Memphis, UMass, and Nets fans hate him, but the most winningest basketball school (for now) will hate him.

Fourth - As a result of 1-3 I will cum uncontrollably, and as everyone knows, cumming is awesome.

So, what was Cleveland's loss, will become my win, and all of Kansas' win, and all of college basketball's win. And with the new collective bargaining agreement in the NBA, there is a chance that the one-and-done rule will be eliminated for a two or three and done rule, with the best recruiter in the nation at Kansas. Oh shit, Oh shit ... I need new pants.

Hermpermventilating

I've been getting way worked up about this Big 10 expansion. For some reason no one outside of the Big 12 is. Seems weird because it's TOTALLY FUCKING UP MY WEEK. From what I've heard though, the Pac-10 is coming to Kansas City tomorrow to talk SUPER CONFERENCE and SUPER BROADCASTING. It's the Big 12's last ditch effort at keeping Mizzou and Nebraska in the conference. If that fails, the Big 12 looks like it will be dismembered faster than a koala fighting a Kraken.

I've already shoved this down your throat, and then made you regurgitate it, and then shove it down even further, but this is such a fucked situation. So fucked, that I had to call in Herm for a new segment I like to call, WHAT IT IS HERM?!



Video may not be working because Youtube is straight Younotworking. If it does, then enjoy.

OOOOOOOOHHHHH SNAP

These aren't the vacations you would like to receive from the NCAA. Certainly not. Talk about potentially throwing away all three years of Matt Barkley. USC is more fucked than Lawrence Taylor's prison roommate.

Then again, they do have all the private institutional money to just launder out to the NCAA committee to help combat the years of lesser scholarships and post game appearances. And maybe they could levy their argument with some sex from the call song girls.

 Get wet ladies. Get nice and wet.

Oh Lawd, It just keeps pialin' on.

You may recall that the Big 10 is expanding. ESPN really hasn't even noticed the story, but according to sources (my stuffed giraffe Ed) the Big 10 has contacted some people from some schools to tell them something. Something disturbing.

You're throwing it the wrong way.

I was totally right about Missouri, Notre Dame and Rutgers, but they also want Nebraska. It's quite harsh of them to just jack up the Big 12 North like that. I mean, it's already pretty shitty. Now what? What if Nebraska and Mizzou leave for colder pastures. That leaves Iowa State, Colorado and then Kansas and Kansas State in the North of the Big 12. And considering Colorado and Iowa State's contribution to athletics over the years, it basically just leaves the state of Kansas.

It is quite fucked up. What happens to the North? I mean, do you add shit teams like Missouri State or Wichita State to an already below average football half conference, or do you just say fuck it, and join something else. Both have problems.

Problem one - If the North added teams, who presents a challenge to either K-State or KU over the next 20 years. Maybe you add Memphis. They suck at football, but at least give basketball. Maybe you add Northern Iowa and give both average football and basketball and a reason for James Naismith to roll in his grave. Maybe you take Arkansas, but that's too much Kansas for one conference. Either way you look at it, it sucks.

Weird Hand. INITIATE PLAN C

Problem two - Congealing with another conference. Geography totally fucks the Big 12 in this sense. The closest conference is the SEC and they don't want the Big 12's tornadoes. Then Then you look to the west coast where there is a fucking mountain range in your way. THE RIVERS DON'T EVEN FLOW TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN OVER THERE. IT'S FUCKING CRAZY.

So, I propose option C, or the Plan C mission where the two Kansas teams leave the Big 12 and start a conference of their own where they only allow teams that are cool to be in. Like TCU. You can come because you have an awesome mascot. UNI? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Memphis? Hell yeah. Butler, you need a place? COME ON DOWN. What's that Toto? You want BYU? WELL FUCK OFF.

And to top it off, I can be the governor of the Big Dick conference. Dick is in reference to Richard Vitale, that way I can name it that without being a big dick. Kansas–K-state–Memphis–TCU–Butler–Iowa State–UTEP–Louisville–Northern Illinois–VCU and some other ones or something. Sound like a winner to me. And then we can have a conference mascot. Maybe Cole from Gears of War, because he's a perfect spokesperson for the Big Dick conference. 8=============>-- The Big Dick conference, Ejaculating talent all over your professional faces.

Holy draft busts Batman! Look at all the early entries

Friday was the day when you (the NBA draft potential college basketball player) decides to tell your classmates to fuck off. This year, more that any other, was one where a lot schools were told to fuck off. A fucking lot. Thanks to ESPN, and their awesome list, I will now be grading them on how I feel about each of the early entrants based on three principles. How I liked them when (or if) I saw them. Whether their name looks douchy and of course if I hate their college or not. O LET'S DO IT!

Solomon Alabi	Florida State - African descent. You know he's good. Lot's of black in him. He's a def can't miss.
Cole Aldrich	Kansas - BEST WHITE GUY IN THE DRAFT!
Lavoy Allen	Temple - Jewish. He has no chance.
Al-Farouq Aminu	Wake Forest - Arab. May or may not be explosive.
James Anderson	Oklahoma State - Whitest name for the blackest player. He's gonna be a shooter. That's it
Kevin Anderson	Richmond - Mascot is a spider. Lanky athlete with a small torso. Maybe.
Luke Babbitt	Nevada - LUKE BABBABOOIE. BABBABOOIE. That's all.
Armon Bassett	Ohio - If he has anything to do with Bassett furniture he's screwed.
Talor Battle	Penn State - Asshole can't even spell TaYlor right. Might battle on the boards.
Keith Benson	Oakland - Mistah FAB?
Eric Bledsoe	Kentucky - No one likes you Eric. Too good for a k asshole? Best case scenario. Getting to back up for Tom Brady.
Anatoly Bose	Nicholls State - Bose? BASS? TREBLE? RIM RATTLING?!
Dee Bost	Mississippi State - Dee is short for Delores. WNBA potential.
Craig Brackins	Iowa State - 42 points against KU two years ago. He's good. But he's from Iowa. DILEMMA?!
Avery Bradley	Texas - Is no Avery Johnson. He has no on air presence. Also sucks at basketball.

Dustin' off the cobwebs like Luigi in his Mansion. You know that game right?

Where our counting defies logic.

It's been a well known fact for a while now that the Big 10 11, have been trying to expand. Like anthrax, the assholes in the Big 11 have been venturing into places that don't want them, including other power conferences that love and cherish their teams. This is of course old news, and it's sad that I've waited this long to talk about the topic, but I can explain officer. I only had like five shots. Double shots. And one beer bong.

Really though, my computer broke down. Again. It's almost as if Chevy made this laptop. But I digress.

Nazi Arnold wants to Pump (clap) You up

As a Big 12 student, I have taken notice of the Big 11's Nazi scheme to take over teams. Everyone is thinking "Well, it's just one team, and really, who cares who's conference Rutgers is in." But that's what we thought when Poland was invaded. Oh, well we can do without Sausages. And we can. Fuck Rutgers.

But, DON'T THINK THAT. These fuckers are maniacal. The are just easing you into the idea. Oh we just want Rutgers, but on the condition that we get a side order of Missouri (!) and Pittsburgh(?) and maybe Notre Dame and Syracuse (WTF). This has been deemed a "super-conference" by the media, and I like to think it's really just the Fuhrer's Conference scheme.

Picture and schedule are non existent, just like your restraint from sugary foods.

Now, no one really likes the Big 10, unless you are a part of it, just as everyone hated the Nazi's, as long as you weren't Juden hunting. And now they want our teams. Don't get me wrong, I hate Mizzou, but if you took them, I would be pissed. Why? Because it's a rivalry, and rivalries are kept in the same conference. USC and Notre Dame is the perfect example of this. No one really gives a shit. You don't mark it on your calendar. You don't want to kill the other team's fans. You don't care. They are in Indiana. You are in California. Total bullshit. And there really aren't any others. That's because they are as pointless as Ben Roethlisberger's "don't rape ladies" book.

I...I'm so happy

COME COME. READ ALL ABOUT IT. ONLY 68 TEAMS. ONLY 68 TEAMS.

That's right everyone. You can step off that ledge on the 96th floor. No need to jump now. Your prayers have been answered. And now we won't need to worry again for another 14 years because today CBS inked a deal with the NCAA to keep the tournament the way it is. And dare I say, the NCAA did the job right?

Yes, and YES. According to the deal, the Turner stations (TNT, TBS and TruTV[?]) will also have rights to the games, therefore allowing all the games to play at once on cable in HD. Hang on. Let me ride this boner out.... Ok. Flacid.

Bleed Scheyer. Bleed for the fans

So, what went from being a sure 96 team field where "cluster fuck" would be an understated metaphor, became 68 which is really how it should have been all along. This helps everyone, well except for the minor mid majors, at lets be serious, who gives a fuck about them. Now we'll have play in games to see who will lose to the one seed, and better teams, such as Virginia Tech this year, would get in.

It all makes sense. Revenue is good. Television is good. Big schools are happy. The NCAA, instead of shooting itself in the foot, went for the mid majors, just how it should have been drawn up all along.

My question here is this. If this works out (and it will) would it start a domino effect that would carry into football? My thoughts are that they did this deal because of the uproar in the community after the Greg Shaheen incident. The NCAA then went back to the drawing boards and did as the people wanted it.

And if this works out perfectly, who is to say that they don't mess with the BCS system to cater it to the people. Like I've said earlier here, the revenue is there, it's just a matter of pleasing the customer. Simple sales 101. Maybe if we are lucky, the NCAA will make changes for us instead of them. Fingers crossed of course. Either way, this one is a win for the fans. Chalk it up. Rock Chalk it up.