Look, fuck you Kobe, bring on the Brits

Hey, the draw was great. Two bomb threats on the gorgeous Charlize Theron (South Africa native) during the draw for the 2010 World Cup. Lovely Charlize, and TWO BOMB THREATS. Who dares to kill her. This would kill me. My jackoff revenue would drop by 90% if Charlize was sent to the grave. Thankfully though, she made it through, and didn't even get raped!

Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse: championship weekend

This is a weekly blog that compares the likes of college sports and addictive drugs, and then rolls it into a tight little blunt I like to call the Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then clearly you have participated in some Friday morning substance abuse. So get ready to sit Indian Native American style and stare at a bookshelf for 3 hours cause it's time to drop some acid.

I know you are fiending for some FASA right now. I left for one damn week, and now your all, "wheres my fix Wilt" and "WHERES MY FIX FAGGOT." I know you've missed this, and to make this special occasion (conference championships)  even more special, now you have a happy and completely non delusional Wilt. This Wilt has no regrets for a 5-7 season. That Fatshole is gone. Fuck him sideways on the way out Tyshawn. And we have a Biletnikoff winner coming back. (sees ESPN headlines)

KU's campus weight drops by 2 tons

IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED. It's like an early Christmans. Yes. Mark Mangino, gone the way of Charlie Weis and Dick Jauron. The resignation means the end of a great turnaround, and then a fall only comparable to a slip from the summit of Mt. Everest. I have had my yellings at the fat fella, but he will always have a friendly thought of the Orange Bowl in my mind. He turned a shitstain of a team into crimson and blue gem, and then into a shitstain covered gem. So, fuck him, kind of. Bring on the coaching carousel.

Adrian's Peterson doesn't like speed limits.

When you think of the Purple Jesus, what do you think of? Athleticism that only Hercules possesses. Badass eyes that pierce the souls of every man, woman and child. Speed that only Hurricane Katrina's wind could produce. Well, after Saturday's little stunt, we now know he isn't afraid to flaunt these talents off the football field.

Tom and Gisele have a heart-to-heart

Early Tuesday morning: Tom Brady opens the door to his five-story Boston penthouse wearing a custom pinstriped Gucci suit and, for some reason, carrying a black briefcase.

Tom (sounding quite forlorn): Honey, I'm ho-

Gisele (standing at the top of the staircase in the foyer): What kind of batshit pussy performance was THAT? Do you really think that it's okay for you to take your modelesque face into that blighted city and get shown up by someone who has a PERMANENT SHITSTAIN on his face? YOU'RE A STETSON MODEL, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

Tiger acting a little too much like Tyga

More and more women have been showing off their jersey (polo shirt?) banging abilities to the press the past couple of days. Tyga Woods seems to have been getting a little side poontang from the ladies. Makes me wonder, though, what the other best players in the world have been doing.

For example, Zach Grenke. Best player ever (for the Royals). Has to get the pussy like catnip, but jesus that face is elementary. Plus he lives in Kansas City and, just ask Larry Johnson, the pickings are slim. So, with my overabundance of judgment, this is who he is fucking:

Herm's Perm gets its very own domain!

Ha! Just kidding. But really it's going to happen. It's just a matter of time now, but thanks to this asshole, who clearly came across our website, noticed we hadn't switched over to our own domain (hermsperm.com) and snatched it up like a last muffin on Charlie Weis' kitchen table, we are shit out of luck. What an asshole. Go eat an oil filter full of Pennzoil you cunt. Now we have to wait for a response from this guy. Don't know how much he is going to black ball us on this, but it could be a Michael Crabtree situation here.