September 3, 2009

College Foot-A-Palooza: Profit Kyle Gives Predictions

Thou must follow the word, of the great and almighty Kyle, soon to be a brothren of the pen name 20K sexcapade, as I shall give upon the, profits of the most dire necessity. NCAA predictions. Enjoy in your native writing style as the future has been told and will unfold in this exact fashion....BITCHES!

ACC- Both Florida teams are gonna flop. I will promise it right now. They get overrated every year and this year wont be any different. Virginia Tech is probably the all round favorite, but those fucking dual QB systems are frustrating to watch. More frustrating than listening to Dick Vitale explain Hansbrough's NBA potential. So that leaves us with Georgia Tech. I love them. Passing? Pfft, fuck that. The triple option makes defenses wilt. No one can stop it, not even Tim Tebow spliced with a dragon. Then, with the time possession in their favor, GT can pick apart every team in the conference lacking high powered offenses, which is all of them. Definitely Georgia Tech.

Big 12- I'm not sure what could actually happen in this conference this year, but I can tell you Oklahoma State will eat shit. They will have the same problem that Missouri and Kansas had last year with the second year relapse. Another promise is that Kansas will win the North. It's a fucking lock. That offense is one of the best in the nation, and returned 18 starters from last year. In fact it gained a big power back to get short yardage. The defense is better, with a year under it's belt in the secondary, and one of the best safeties in the nation. I still think Oklahoma would come out of the south, even though everyone is on the longhorn's cock this off season. Bradford is just plain better. That's the single reason. When it comes down to the final between KU and OU, it's basically going to be a coin flip. I want KU 'cuz, I'm obligated to as a student there, but it will most likely be Oklahoma, 'cuz that's what the Big 12 officials want. I can promise you that the winner of the Big 12 will be in the National Championship though.

Big East-Is a joke. The Mountain West is a better conference. It's been proven, Utah beating Alabama, TCU beating Boise St. So, to be honest, they don't even deserve a pick from me. They should be grateful to have this many words since all the teams are about as good as Ludacris' acting. So, I will just do a coin flip tournament to decide the champ.

First round: Connecticut over Cincy. Louisville over Pitt. South Florida over Rutgers. Syracuse over West Virginia.

Second Round:Louisville over UConn. South Florida over Syracuse.

WINNER: South Florida. There you go. Your 2010 Big east champions.

Big 10- If arrogance won championships, then THE Ohio State University would win it all. Unfortunately, it hinders your team. Especially when your QB doesn't know the difference between zone and man. Wait, are we talking about Penn State too? Hell yes. They are both overrated. Both lost defensive talent and have horrible QB's and unknown running backs. That's why I'm going with Iowa. Drinking games aside, they are the best all round team. They're well coached with a returning QB and great O-line. That's enough to win in the slow paced Big 10 that has about as much excitement as a Kobe Bryant interview.

Pac-10-UCLA. Winning it all with no problem at all. (just kidding Bubb). The state of Oregon will duke it out, but it will be a battle for the two spot 'cuz USC has this locked up more than OJ. Their only "challenge" will be the early Ohio State game, but as I said before, the buckeyes are overrated. We will again get to enjoy the spoils of home on home jersey action in the battle for LA at the end of the season. Also, Cal might fight it's way into the two spot while the Oregons go at it, but that one sided offense isn't competing with USC. Either way, in the end, the Pac-10 champs will be the trojans.

SEC-Well if God were real, then Florida wouldn't lose a game this year. And they probably won't lose a game this year. So, maybe going to church would be a good idea. Nothing is stopping them from going to the title game this year. Ole Miss is gonna hit the wall like Okie State and LSU and Alabama are in different league than Florida. Tebow still won't win the Heisman but he will win the SEC and have a second coming in the natty champ and face off against Oklahoma who will again bust like a hymen under pressure.

No comments:

Post a Comment