February 25, 2010

NBA for better dental care

Down in the good old dirty Dallas, a horrible hygiene flaw has been introduced by way of immigration. The city officials are concerned, as well are the parents of the greater Dallas-Ft. Worth area. A blockade has been constructed around the cities, as well as the introduction of service men to help fight the spreading disease... GINGIVITIS.

Sources say that the outbreak spread from the introduction of newly christened Dallas Maverick Caron Butler. He was brought in by the Mavericks in a trade from the D.C. Wizards in a hope to bolster an aging roster, which ironically aged the roster even more, as Butler (29) was traded to the Mavericks for Drew Gooden (28).

Butler brought along with him some very strong attributes to help Mark Cuban's team. Among those attributes were a better scoring threat at the 3 guard, better defense at the 3 guard and a habit of chewing on used straws. This habit is what caught attention to NBA league commissioner David Stern.

"I wasn't really happy that the guy was making use of the straws that way," Stern sternly announced, "He would just pick up straws off the ground, chew them up and spit them out. It was insanity."

A little known fact about the Jewish people, they don't like people who chew with their mouth open, and  Stern being a Jew, was not excluded from that rule. Stern told Butler then to give up the habit, then it began.

Fans entered the stadium the next night, dawning bitten straws as a reminder to the habits lost to the Jews. The night was normal as any, Shawn Marion shooting like a 4 fingered retard, Jason Kidd looking like he has the lowest hemoglobin count in the country, and Rodrigue Beaubois eating baugettes. All throughout, the fans chewed and chewed on that plastic cylinder, not knowing the conciquences.

At  8 am the next morning, many of the fans found the negative side to straw chewing.

"I just woke up and I... I had meth teeth" said Leon McGindhouse, a Dallas free range cattle herder, "I mean, my teeth were shittier than retards soiled pants before, but this was a new form of shitty."

This form of shitty, now coined in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area, is known as Taco Bell Grande Meal shitty. The gingivitis has lead to a spike in Crest white strips purchases. When we reached for comment from the Crest CEO, his secretary said he was too busy eating refried beans made of 21 karat gold.

As of today, the city of Dallas has been quarantined, and only non gingivitis-ed humans can leave the area, and as for the Mavericks, the successfully defeated the Los Angeles Lakers last night 101-96 without the help of Caron Butler who responded poorly to gingivitis medication.

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