THIS IS ALL I MUST SAY

Mizzou does it again.

I know this seems to be a recurring segment, but ratting on Missouri is my best attribute. Of course other than my average sized penis which make women say "ok". This video came to my attention via Deadspin. Let's just do a rundown through some lines here.

First, that wife beater, no matter how fitting it is that is on a Missourian, is much to small. This means hiphopster. Also, douche.

Second, get a fucking ihome. This isn't 2001 asshole. MP4's bitches. GO KU.

Third, this campus is shit.

"We don't need a practice field, this floor is our turf." Too poor to have a practice field? And, as far as I know, volley ball is only played on court surface or sand. No in between bullshit like grass. Save that for field hockey.

"Let me start off by sayin' (said in the middle of the verse) I know it's volley ball but it's not a game we're playin'" No? It isn't? You don't play volleyball? How bout pin the tail on the Mizzou girl? It's like pin the tail on the donkey. Let me rephrase that. It is pin the tail on the donkey.

"If you're in our path then we'll cut off your lights" That right there sir is a misdemeanor.

Something to notice is the underage-edness of the cheerleaders. This is customary of many Missourians. Break em in early. Make them all late.

"It's safe to assume that Katie's gonna put it down ... BOOM (ejaculation)."

Oh look. The tiger is eating blue and red shirts. NOOOO. GOD FORBID THEY PUT THE TWO MOST POPULAR COLORS IN THE MOUTH OF A BRASS TIGER.

And then of course a money shot of a tiger fucking two girls on a tiger. SO META!

FASA - Week 2

STILL NOT RIGHT BUT DEAL WITH IT. ALCOHOL CAN BE A DRUG. IF YOU SUCK AT IT.

This week lacked the posts I was hoping to provide, but Kansas lost to North Dakota STATE. I've been using that excuse for everything this week. Hey, you wanna go to class today? NORTH DAKOTA STATE! (Goes back to bed, puts pillows over ears, and rolls around).

But, at last, the weekend is here and I can drink again. And you better bet that I will not remember the Georgia Tech game tomorrow at 11. As for your buzz? We'll I will help supply your consumption guidelines. The games this week are so much better than last week's.

Numbers stand for amount of drinks and the statement guides you as to when you are supposed to drink those drinks. Quotes signal things the announcers say. Parenthesis signal a camera shot of something. Let's GOOOOOOO... (Puts on North Dakota State Bison mascot head)

6 - Interceptions

2 - First downs

5 - Option plays

FRIDAY:

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLOW ME FOR BLOCKING?!

West Virginia @ Marshall - 7 et - ESPN

1 - Noel Devine has a rush attempt

2 - Marshall first downs

3 - West Virginia kicks through goal posts.

4 - "Rich Rodriguez"

5 - Marshall scores

300 - If Marshall's airplane crashes into the West Virginia practice.

Finish a beer if Marshall covers the spread (13)

SATURDAY:

Catching NCAA allegations.

Georgia vs South Carolina - 12 et - ESPN 2

1 - Marcus Lattimore gets a touch

2 - Georgia throws for a first down

3 - "Steve Spurrier"

4 - "A.J. Green + suspended"

5 -  "NCAA investigates South Carolina"

200 - Stephen Garcia does Cock Pushups

Finish a beer no matter the outcome. It's fucking Saturday. Act like it's Saturday.

Proper form means nothing to Jacory

Miami vs Ohio State - 3:30 et - ESPN

1 - Terrelle Pryor runs

2 - Jacory Harris runs

3 - Leonard Hankerson touches the ball

4 - (Jim Tressel and his vest)

5 - Terrelle Pryor throws a pick

200 - The quarterbacks stop and ask Jim Tressel for reparations.

Crack a beer open like Willis McGahee's knee and down it for a Miami win.

I'm touchin' mah dick.

Penn State vs Alabama - 7 et - ESPN

1 - (Erin Andrews)

2 - "Erin Andrews"

3 - "Mark Ingram + injury"

4 - "Joe Paterno + old"

5 - Penn State advances into Alabama territory

300 - If Joe Paterno dies on the sideline. This goes for every week.

Finish 2 beers in less than ten minutes if Penn State "Nitts" their way to a win. I'm ashamed of that joke.


SONG THAT WOULD RANK #1 IN THE BCS RANKINGS FOR THIS WEEKEND

 

XV is from Kansas and just dropped his mixtape, "VizzyZone" and if you don't have it already, get it.


Herm Sperm

In honor of her doing things in Machete which I haven't seen. Probably sex or something. Or dying. Who knows.

College ROFLball: Week One Football