January 29, 2010

Live Blog Time!!!

This is our new liveblog system. If you'll notice, you can join in. Definitely do this, and also be funny. We can control what goes on down there, so don't be too racist, but a little racist is encouraged.

Perm's Portrait - Fresh meat.

We have all heard of the Greg Oden indecent. He and his lady (I hope) friend were having a little sexting, when all of a sudden, Oden wanted to get his Maxim on. What's a guy supposed to do when you have these urges? Call a photographer? Expensive. Volunteer for a nude portrait at a painting class at the YMCA? Too much meth.

What did Greg do? He found the closest mirror and snapped himself a self portrait. Of course, now the world knows of the Oden penis, and so do NCAA colleges. One of which has actually offered up a scholarship for Lil' Oden. (NSFW)

January 28, 2010

PermCast - Jan. 29 - We love not talking about sports

We've hardly touched the Cast for the past few months. Tonight, out of the blue, we reached back in the bag of tricks and dusted off that dirty old PermCast. You can tell we are a little rough from the weeks of non-casting, but it still entertains (retards maybe "OH SOUNDS"). One positive is a little sneak preview at the end of the PermCast for all of you and a dope ass song. Everyone loves songs right? Oh right, Helen Keller. Well you aren't Helen Keller, so LISTEN. FUCK. YES. ONE LOVE - HERM EDWARDS.

LeBron James: anatomically indecipherable

King James had quite the bipolar game last night. What began as an infantile hissy fit in the midst of a close match, ended with tickling and a giddy sideline jig to celebrate a blowout over a far inferior team. LeBron's demeanor at the end of the match, however, didn't outweigh his decision to douse the front row with water, at least in the eyes of the NBA's Punitive Board. He's just a kid out there, RIGHT SIMMONS?

January 27, 2010

Barhawk Obama?

Last night the number one team in the nation (at paying of AAU coaches) lost to USC. Bubb was pleased, as was I, but we weren't the only ones.

"HAHAHAH, Calipari. That dumb fuck. He should have known I was up to no good," said President Barack Obama, " I never liked sleazy people so I gave him a little white house magic."

Latest Reilly column still pointless, but has great photo

I don't read Rick Reilly. Bill Simmons' 5,000,000-word behemoths are much more digestible than the cliche, Disney-esque bullshit that Reilly spouts. His latest, which I refuse to link to, begins with the following two sentences:

You can't knock the smile off my face with a snowball. I am Optimist Prime.

Yeah, and Hitler was the greatest philanthropist of all time. You are a liar and a cynic. Go die.

Any hilarity or insight provided by this column should be credited to the page editor, who (I'm assuming) chose a great photo of Mark McGwire looking like a roided-out Nazi retard. Peep dis:

Glazed over look, arm raised high with the infamous slightly bent-thumb salute, his many admirers unquestioning applause. If Reilly sees this cup "half-full" (see the article's subhead), I hope it's a cup of cyanide that he must consume before writing his next column.

January 26, 2010


We like photos with captions. Back in the day, in high school newspaper, we would have our way with the captions, leaving horribly menacing comments on fellow high school students' pictures. Now we are in college. You know what that means. Oh you don't, well this is what it means. PICTURES.

A recruiting letter from Nick Saban

Hello. I'm Nick Saban, head coach of a team they call the Alabama Crimson Tide. Goddamn right, you're impressed. If you've received this letter, it means that I want you. If you're considering Alabama as an education-seeking student, I recommend that you burn this letter immediately and look outside of the SEC. I only want you as a football player, as a crimson tide seafarer, as a caregiver and as a nurturing parent. Most importantly, I want you lactating like Octomom after her birthing explosion.

Border showdown mowdown

Last night was the fabled Border War between Kansas and Missouri at Allen Fieldhouse in Lawrence. Of course, being the really awesome Kansas fan that I am, I was there. Today, I am 40% horse and have the pain of a Ray Lewis stab in the lower left quadrant of my back. Just some small side effects from a night of pure anal rape.