Perm's Portrait: Do I have to choose one?

On paper this would be an easy pick for a USC fan: Sanchize taking a fat, peanut-y poop on traitorous Pete Carroll's advice. If not for the overtly arrogant Jets fans who believe that they could conquer world hunger if it was their Super Bowl opponent, I would have definitely pulled for Gang Green. Revis Island makes Pandora look like a Texas landfill. Wait...that makes no sense. Revis Island is just unaccommodating, okay?

Perm's Portrait - NFC championship dreams

As most of you know, the NFC championship game has played out like the television ratings would have liked. Vikings and Saints are doin it dirty in the south this weekend, and although the Vikings trio (Rice, Peterson, and Favre) carried me to a championship in my fantasy league, there is no need for me to affiliate with SexBoats anymore. Thank god for that.

Kim Kardashian to be a guest host on PTI?

Like everyone else fed up with today's economy, ESPN is searching for an alternate means of bringing in revenue. The Worldwide Leader in Sports appears to have dropped the modern strategy of capitalism in favor of the antiquated bartering system. While your 70-year old economics professor might view this business decision with the blank, cockeyed gaze of a retarded horse, I think it's genius. Swapping a bald, NFL has-been (so much credibility!) for his smoking hot wife is a decision that should win Bodenheimer (Jew!) the President of the Year Award. Obama's Nobel ain't shit.

Assuming Georgie hasn't already compiled a list of temptresses to make cameos on his various programs, I've got him covered with some ideas of my own.

Live Blog – KU vs Gaylor

That pretty much explains it. Well done sunflower cable. You are the shithole of the earth, along with comcast. So, I guess Xavier Henry just sweetens the KU attack? Why the fuck do I want my attack sweetened? Wouldn't that make it pussy? Like the powderpuff girls? Sugar and spice and everything nice? Also, Ekpe Udoh, not that good. Also, 2-13 is a really bad record against a team. Like really bad. Wanna hear a good record? 52-0 at home. You want more? 90+ games straight without giving up a shooting percentage over 50%. Another? 14 games. That's how many away the Jayhawks are from 2000 school wins. One more stat, because I'm a douche. Big 12 at home in non-conference –108-1. There you go. I think we know who will win this one.

We are changing it up this time. Bubb will be in good old black and italicized. Wilt will take on the bold venture of bold text. LET'S GET IT ON. Oh Guy LeDouche, you make my day.

Los Angeles – the city of missing pro sports.

Many are mourning the loss of Pete Carrol in Bubbville, but some assholes still find it decent to make fun of the situation. Mainly, Pete Carroll (video after the jump, because the fucking host is fucking gay as shit and won't let me do it on this front page goddammit)

Tyga trying to lower his boners

Last time we left Tyga, he was just a minor nymphomaniac. Just as a lower level pot distributor would be. Now, we are talking large piles of weed sex. We knew he was railin bitches right and left, but no one expected him to be such a sex panther, so much a sex panther that he has checked into sex rehab. I smell reality show.