October 23, 2009

Hey You! Down in Front!

During the Thuggets beatdown of the Lakers tonight, and immediately following a thunderous dunk by my godson, an L.A. fan politely asks J.R. Smith to stop gloating.

I think his frustration is a result of the clearly uninterested female on his left, who appears to have her face berried in her blackberry. You might consider an alternative use for that finger if you're expecting any sexual favors later.

The Mejia Saga Continues: the Participant's Perspective

Mejia, displeased with our decision to not remove the post, has responded again with a more detailed retelling of his adventures in Florida. Away we go:

Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse: Week 8

This is a weekly blog that compares the likes of college sports and addictive drugs, and then rolls it into a tight little blunt I like to call the Friday Afternoon Substance Abuse. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then clearly you have participated in some Friday morning substance abuse. So get ready to sit Indian Native American style and stare at a bookshelf for 3 hours cause it's time to drop some acid.
Last week was pretty tragic for me. A loss at Colorado sent me into a spiraling depression that all the world's Prozac wouldn't have brought me out of. As of today though, I have recovered my normal, human functions: eating, sleeping, not hearing voices. Alas, there is a chance for a fully sustained recovery. It will come at the expense of Oklahoma, though. The same Oklahoma that has fucked my picks up so often. Tomorrow is a day for redemption, for the Colorado loss, and for OU's failure to follow my lead.

October 22, 2009

Chase Mejia Devouring the Internetz like Miami Pussy

Wow, and you thought daredorm.com couldn't get any sexier. Chase Mejia is MILDLY HOT by himself. Well, at least according to Google Trends. He's so hot, he was at 17th at one point on google's rankings.

Somewhat surprisingly, Mejia hasn't embraced his renewed notoriety. Just hours after the story appeared on the Perm, Mejia asked for its removal:

From Mejia:

[sic] Hello I saw the recent Blog u wrote about Chase Mejia and that just happens to be me. Id really aprecciate it if you took this blog down please. You do not know any of the details. I did the video as a one time thing to make money to get back into school and pay for it. My mom lost her job and dad will not help me out. I have to get my grades back in order to get back on the field and im really overwhelmed right now just from this as it is with people calling me. Please take it down I still have a future and dreams. Do the right thing please. Thank you and God bless you! Best wishes

So please, if you read this and have Chase's contact info, stop calling. It's awfully hard to concentrate on midterms when you're constantly being interrupted by hundreds of friends and fans congratulating you on your sexcapades.

[EDIT]: Apparently there was also some misinformation in the previous Mejia post regarding his reasoning behind leaving Northern Illinois. Mejia allegedly left in the midst of theft accusations, not because of the NIU shootings. Forgive me for trying to maintain the man's immaculate public image.

Happenings Around the Lawrence Campus

Sitting in my lecture hall for my finance class (a class with 400 people, me in the last row) playing bubbles, I was interrupted (rudely might I say) by the prof, who had a dandy story for the class. She, and some of the TA's, had accidentally locked the homework in the homework storage device. As the story progressed, she began to tell us her struggles with the maintenance staff (which is bad, if you haven't seen Summerfield Hall) and how they continually failed to reply to her requests. So, what does a Professor do when she needs brute force to open a file locker?

October 21, 2009

Real Life Hung Story Ready for the HBO Rewrite - UPDATED

Here's something I bet you didn't know about the owners and operators of this blog: we attended the same high school. And, before he transferred following his junior year, so did Chase Mejia. Like any skilled athlete, public school competition didn't suffice. With national recognition (the video was featured in Sports Illustrated's "Faces in the Crowd") inflating his ego like a Jenna Jameson implant, he transferred. But Mejia's journey was only just beginning.


Herm Edwards on Peyton Manning Jeff Fisher

If you didn't hear the story already, we'll grant you some insight on what occurred yesterday at a luncheon in Nashville. All was well in the auditorium as Jeff Fisher took the podium to introduce Tony Dungy (most likely with sandwich bread crumbs forested in his stache). Normally Jeff Fisher just stands their menacingly, but today was different as he had some special plans for the audience.

October 20, 2009

Everson Griffen's Muscles are Unsportsmanlike

Against Notre Dame this past weekend, star Trojan defensive end, Everson Griffen, was penalized after a sack for this display of physical prowess:

That officiating decision to throw the flag was reactionary and, for the fans, enraging. I would like to point out that this photo (now Griffen's facebook profile pic) was snapped prior to that very referee's display of flag-tossing idiocy. Is he attempting to stop Griffen from what has already happened? Is he trying to, albeit unsuccessfully, tell Griffen how big of a fan he is and ask for his autograph? No.

Mountaineers Might Stab Themselves in the Back

Most of the nation has heard the horrible Darrent Willimasesque story coming out of Storrs the past few days. Cornerback Jasper (Jazz) Howard was shanked (by a husky brand blade I assume) on Sunday morning at a party, school sponsored none the less. Although it is tragic (as every single media outlet would so clichely described it), it is a reminder for us students that life isn't so safe cushiony as you are told as a child in The Very Hungry Caterpillar. It's a tough world, full of Steve McNair girlfriends, and un-safetied handguns in sweatpants, but it is good to know that people will remember you, even if tragedy strikes.

October 19, 2009

The King and his Cancer

Evidently last January, Lebron was diagnosed with a "growth" in his mouth that doctors thought could be cancerous. Although it was found to be benign,  I prefer to think that Lebron had cancer. Key word "had."

As we know, NBA players have a magical ability to dodge the world's worst diseases. So, as a speciulatory individual, I like to make random and completely false assumptions. Today's assumption, Lebron beat cancer. Here's my case.