September 19, 2009
Yes, we fumbled thrice in the Washington territory. But Corp's performance at quarterback was disparagingly pathetic. He threw balls into double and triple coverage, as if to try and prove that he deserved to start over Barkley. His selfishness only proved that this person playing QB would have given USC a better shot of winning:
If Corp isn't cut by tomorrow, I hope he's at least behind Garrett Green on the quarterback depth chart. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck you Corp.
Here's Wilt with some positive KU news. Go choke on barbed wire, Corp.
We won. That's all. Todd Reesing whipped out his big floppy and grabbed the blue devils head and commenced to flogging. Then after all the bones were turned into mush, Todd made the devils suck it till he came, in the form of a 44 to 16 finish. Can I get a UNDEFEATED? (Bubb reaches for shotgun)
Luckily for all you readers, we transcribed our string of threads during the game put them below. Enjoy Bubbs depressed thoughts and my arrogant ones. As always, Wilt = blue and Bubb = red and these are word for word.
2:29 am-Shat is LA doing on s ku night
2:17 pm- cale pick yeahhhh
heeeeeyooooo cale pick
2:21- Stop. I'm trying to focus on the REAL game in the REAL conference.
September 18, 2009
For all you non french speakers, Semain Trois is french for 'week three'. Hey, look at that, it is indeed the third week of the College Football season. Like our new graphic? No? That's funny 'cuz as I look at it, all I can see is a Saturday night for Bubb Rubb, and nights with Bubb are awesome.
Know what else is awesome? Mixing cough syrup, speed, and Hawaiian punch. It's an amazing combo for anyone looking to flirt with asphyxiation and or death. It is a memorable 18 minutes, though, while you verbally abuse your sofa and punch your blender. This concoction has other suitable uses as well, like as a metaphor for really hot football teams, like say.....the U.
Remember when I said earlier that both Florida teams in the ACC were going to blow. What I really meant was to say is that any Florida team with a racist mascot is going to blow. When I picked Georgia Tech as ACC winners, I didn't take into account the fact that Miami has a black quarterback. I don't even know what I was thinking. HE'S BLACK. We might as well Lou Holtz (jump to irrational conclusions) this one and line them up against Florida. Black man versus Jesus 2.0. That would be fun, as long as you pregame with an aerosol can.
I can't properly verbalize the elation felt by the two administrators of this site. My only unsober celebratory thought is, fuck Artie Lange's publicity. Fuck that fat asshole into cardiac arrest.
A.J. Daulerio descended upon Herm Edwards' Perm like Gabriel the Angel. And his followers smote us like an angry horde of homophobes against Sookie Stackhouse (for the ignoramuses, True Blood is an allegory for homophobia. RETARDS!).
Point taken and (drunkenly) considered. Conclusion:
We will strive to improve our content. As long as you strive to improve your inevitably debilitating and, ultimately, life-ending disease.
Speaking for Wilt, all comments are welcome. Our poor grammar and occasional misspellings represent legitimate concerns that need to be addressed. Content-wise, we hardly discover new and unique news, unlike the popular athletic Weblogs of the Internetz. Our collective apologies. We are but two overwhelmed collegiate students. Time spent on reporting SHIT generally goes to the wayside.
Herm's Perm has yet to reach the level of Dan Rather-like uncoverings when it comes to sport-related events. But the contributors (Bubb and Wilt) have unique insight into the West's and Midwest's best squads' tactics. Do you want the latest on USC/Pete Carroll?
The latest on Bill Self?
Hold your fucking horses 'til basketball season. But, it'll be here.
So, all challengers who criticize the legitimacy of the Perm because of its lack of spelling and grammar:
Thank you. With complete sincerity. If our overall sentence structure can reach standards that THE Herm Edwards would applaud, then we've done our job. Again, gracias.
This blog started with the goal of igniting Herm Edward's attention and, more importantly, his rage.
Well, shit. We're halfway there:
September 17, 2009
I can't say I've ever disliked Rick Reilly. Because my interest initially gravitated toward Bill Simmons, I naturally sided with The Sports Guy in the top-ESPN columnist rivalry. I never boycotted Reilly's writing, just consciously ignored it. Especially if there was new Simmons material.
The light in which I viewed Reilly changed this past Tuesday, and it didn't get brighter.
As I entered Cromwell Field to watch the Trojans engage in intrasquad abuse for Competition Tuesday, I noticed a familiar face speaking with the SC Sports Information Director.
Oh, hey Rick Reilly I text in typical douchebag-boasting fashion to Wilt Stilts (by the way - quit changing your fucking name. We're big-time now). I stand about three feet to the left of the superstar writer and eavesdrop a bit on his conversation with the SID. He's cordial and engaging; he asks questions about the SID's family and gets his thoughts on the team and other headlines that day.
I follow up my text to Wilt with Should I ask him "Can I have your autograph, Mr. Simmons?" I consider the proposition and imagine two possible Reilly reactions:
Thanks for letting me borrow your spare bedroom for the past few months while I figure my job situation out. It's been a pleasant 21 years and I was happy to have you as a mother, mainly for your apple pie, hahaha. But all jokes aside, I'm going to kill myself.
September 16, 2009
September 14, 2009
Urlacher's injury means that the team's masseuse will likely double, as he now has a wrist to massage in addition to Jay Cutler's ego. To Nike's credit, this is far less embarrassing than Citizen's claim that Eli Manning was unstoppable, much to the disagreement of an amateur Bills' defense.
Live Chargers-Raiders blog later tonight. Tequila shots for every time Merriman appears on camera with the facial expression of wanting to choke someone. So basically every time Shawne Merriman appears on camera.
September 13, 2009
I plan on taking a shot of Gin for every point away from my goal I don't get. Robbie Gould can help my sobriety, by smashing extra points and pin pointing a few 50 yard field goals. So this is where we begin out coverage, half hour outside of a great Sunday night game, hoping that Jay Cutler has enough insulin to get him into field goal range, and then falter, while diabetic coma stunts Da Bears offense, at the 35 yard line. Remember, no more Madden, so no repetitive offensive line comments and redundant coaching anecdotes. Just friendly Chris Collinsworth action. Bubb will most likely join me somewhere between the first cheese head viewing and the 9th Brett fucking Farve reference.