August 27, 2010

Preseason Partying and Bullshit - Big 12

This will be the final year with 12 teams in the Big 12, which will make this conference just as bad as the Big 11. I sincerely hope the conference changes it's name to the Big 10. YOU CAN TAKE OUR TEAMS BUT WE CAN TAKE YOUR NAME. And if the Big 10 insists on keeping that ridiculously incorrect name, then we'll have two Big 10's. Suck on it.

As for this year, there will be 12 teams and the name can stay for it's final season, as Nebraska will be exiting to the Big 12(?). There, they will be constantly beaten by Ohio State, Penn State and Iowa instead of the doldrums of Texas and Oklahoma. And that's where we'll begin

Oklahoma and Texas have new quarterbacks that everyone is feeding down your throats as the top newcomers of the year, and what a ballsy prediction they have made. Two quarterbacks on two of the most talented teams in the nation. YOU'RE BLOWING MY MIND PAT FORDE.

Kansas is enjoying the fruits of a completely reorganized football/athletics department. Did I say enjoy? I meant have a tape worm from. It's all gone to shit godamnit.

Texas Tech has Tommy Tuberville who, they hope, will not employ the use of sheds to break in his freshman talent.

Nebraska and Colorado are the stupid slutty whores that dipped their pen in other conference ink. No one likes them.

No one remembers Iowa State is there.

Hey guys. Guys? GUYS!?!! Fuck this, the Big 10 wants me.
Nebraska learns that leaving the conference does not bode well for a team trying to win a conference championship. Someone kills a Nebraska fan who enters an away game in Cornhusker gear.

I'll do your kidz. I'll do 'em hard. And then yell Touchdown
Baylor has a black quarterback. My stance is that black means running back, but the Wildcat is the exception. I don't know if he can throw but he was good until he injured his extra Achilles tendon last year. They make a bowl game.

Oklahoma improves with the help a year of collegiate child rape for Pedo-Stache. They become the favorite to win the Big 12 and go undefeated, just to lose a heart breaking game in a BCS game.

Texas' sophomore quarterback plays like shit because he doesn't have a stache. Everyone knows the formula. Stache = Good.

Kansas surprises thanks to the HOPE given by black head coach Turner Gil. I wear a ghillie suit in appropriate word play with his last name. Bowl game is possible.

Colorado finishes last, thanks to an Iowa State beat down for the ages. Final score 2-0.


I'm not one to beat black people when they are down and suspended. Wait, yes I am.
24 stands for the number of ladies he's punished for insubordination of his cock
Introducing today, Derrick Washington into the pantheon of Sexual Assault Assailants. As is known by most, I am a staunch believer in what goes on in Missouri is downright sub human. Corpses have better manners than these people. The Situation grabs more respect with one ab than does the entire state of Missouri. They think cicadas are cool. And they are totally wrong. Cicadas are the assholes of the animal species. They pick the time between 5 and 7 pm to just yell from trees. When they fly into you, they just lay on the ground and buzz around  like it's your fault they flew into you. And they only live one month and have sex and create baby cicades for next year that are just as useless as the ones previous. These animals have no excuse to exist, but they do. And this is the same for Missouri.

Anyways, to get to my point, Derrick Washington is just exhibiting those cicada like tendencies. Fucking girls, hitting them and probably blaming them for making him do it. Living for a short time, in prison where he will slowly stop talking and just die. Yelling at movies. These are all things Missourians and cicadas have in common. Also they are both disgusting.

The majestic and gracefull Blue Jay eats cicadas all day, and everyone knows that half a Jayhawk is a Blue Jay. Anyways, that might be the worst transition ever, but it brings me to this point. NEW JAYHWAWK THEMED RAP FROM INDEPENDENT RECORD LABEL!!!!

August 24, 2010

Preseason Partying and Bullshit

Classes have started for me, like most other schools that have normal schedules, and not that tri-mester or quarter-mester (?) crap. This symbolizes the rebirth of an actual schedule for me, which will give me interest and planning allowing me to return to blogging again here. From now until the beginning of the season, I will be running through the conferences and listing things. Just things. No real outline. Come on. It's the beginning of the school year. I'm rusty at outlines and writing. Get over it.

I'll start alphabetically today with the Atlantic Coast Conference.

The ACC considers itself a Big 5 football conference, even though the talent is weaker than that of the Mountain West. Hell, they barely edge out the Big East for second worst BCS conference.

The ACC is full of unfulfilling teams. Miami can't decide how they will lose their preseason expectations. Virginia Tech can't help but shoot itself in the foot. Florida State can't appreciate the elderly. Clemson is orange. These are all things that transpire in the conference.

Something is happening in North Carolina. I don't really know what it is. Probably racism.

Duke, Virginia, North Carolina State and Boston College. That's all the mentioning these teams will get on this blog for the rest of the season. Unless someone dies. Then it'll be SUPER GHOST 2.0

Georgia Tech will win the conference. You just can't hate a team that blatantly disregards the rest of the nation's schools offensive schemes. What's that everyone? You throw 70% of the time? I hear you. Run the ball 90% of the time right? Also, they have a black QB, and that's always a positive.

Florida State and Miami are ranked in the preseason AP poll this year. Expect for both of them to be out by week 6.
Depressed trot                                               Happy trot
Virginia Tech is all up in the top 10. They'll be out after week one. Tyrod Taylor will do something illegal. It's a tradition for (black) quarterbacks at Virgina Tech.

Maryland will hire Greivis Vasquez as President/Provost/Head Sports Coach from now and til eternity. They will lose every conference game.

Boston College will be studying on a Saturday and forget that they have a game. Somehow they still beat Duke that week thanks to an unforced safety.

No one gets the to Championship game from the conference and only one team makes BCS game.