May 14, 2010


It's a well known fact around these parts that I am a huge John Calipari hater. If facebook had a dislike button, I would hit it non stop on Calipari's fan page. If I had a chance at exposing Calipari's money laundering schemes, I would do anything to break the story. Blow J's included. He is the vain of my existence.

He is like Darth Vader, the way he left Kansas as an assistant, and then went on to totally not being cool. He had Xavier in his lap before he left for Kentucky. He stole John Wall. He almost stole Josh Selby. He almost beat us in 2008. I have a dart board with his face on it. And when a play darts, I use grenades. I hate him more than immigrants hate Arizona. I hate him more than Al Gore hates BP.
"Ladies and Gentleman: This is a basketball"

You know who I do like though? Lebron James. And even with the loss last night, I still like him. And from the sounds of it, I better be prepared to like him even more. Here's why. Read that link. Read it hard, because I sure as hell did.

It basically states that Lebron is using his posse to drag Calipari to the team of his choosing in the Free Agent cumfest 2010. This means many things.

One - Calipari will be leaving the college basketball for a long time, because he has Lebron. He won't get fired, because he has Lebron. He doesn't even have to coach, which is his forte, because he has Lebron.

Two - He will be leaving Kentucky after one year, creating a void at Kentucky, where the most obnoxious fans reside (apart from Duke of course). Then they will suck again. And then, maybe they can take a third Kansas assistant coach in a row to coach their team as Kansas itself passes them in the all time wins category.

The King request's your services Calipari
Three - Calipari will look even more douchy than before. I didn't think it was possible at this stage, but Calipari has to one up himself every time. Now, not only will Memphis, UMass, and Nets fans hate him, but the most winningest basketball school (for now) will hate him.

Fourth - As a result of 1-3 I will cum uncontrollably, and as everyone knows, cumming is awesome.

So, what was Cleveland's loss, will become my win, and all of Kansas' win, and all of college basketball's win. And with the new collective bargaining agreement in the NBA, there is a chance that the one-and-done rule will be eliminated for a two or three and done rule, with the best recruiter in the nation at Kansas. Oh shit, Oh shit ... I need new pants.

May 13, 2010


I've been getting way worked up about this Big 10 expansion. For some reason no one outside of the Big 12 is. Seems weird because it's TOTALLY FUCKING UP MY WEEK. From what I've heard though, the Pac-10 is coming to Kansas City tomorrow to talk SUPER CONFERENCE and SUPER BROADCASTING. It's the Big 12's last ditch effort at keeping Mizzou and Nebraska in the conference. If that fails, the Big 12 looks like it will be dismembered faster than a koala fighting a Kraken.

I've already shoved this down your throat, and then made you regurgitate it, and then shove it down even further, but this is such a fucked situation. So fucked, that I had to call in Herm for a new segment I like to call, WHAT IT IS HERM?!

Video may not be working because Youtube is straight Younotworking. If it does, then enjoy.

May 11, 2010


These aren't the vacations you would like to receive from the NCAA. Certainly not. Talk about potentially throwing away all three years of Matt Barkley. USC is more fucked than Lawrence Taylor's prison roommate.

Then again, they do have all the private institutional money to just launder out to the NCAA committee to help combat the years of lesser scholarships and post game appearances. And maybe they could levy their argument with some sex from the call song girls.
 Get wet ladies. Get nice and wet.

Oh Lawd, It just keeps pialin' on.

You may recall that the Big 10 is expanding. ESPN really hasn't even noticed the story, but according to sources (my stuffed giraffe Ed) the Big 10 has contacted some people from some schools to tell them something. Something disturbing.

You're throwing it the wrong way.
I was totally right about Missouri, Notre Dame and Rutgers, but they also want Nebraska. It's quite harsh of them to just jack up the Big 12 North like that. I mean, it's already pretty shitty. Now what? What if Nebraska and Mizzou leave for colder pastures. That leaves Iowa State, Colorado and then Kansas and Kansas State in the North of the Big 12. And considering Colorado and Iowa State's contribution to athletics over the years, it basically just leaves the state of Kansas.

It is quite fucked up. What happens to the North? I mean, do you add shit teams like Missouri State or Wichita State to an already below average football half conference, or do you just say fuck it, and join something else. Both have problems.

Problem one - If the North added teams, who presents a challenge to either K-State or KU over the next 20 years. Maybe you add Memphis. They suck at football, but at least give basketball. Maybe you add Northern Iowa and give both average football and basketball and a reason for James Naismith to roll in his grave. Maybe you take Arkansas, but that's too much Kansas for one conference. Either way you look at it, it sucks.

Problem two - Congealing with another conference. Geography totally fucks the Big 12 in this sense. The closest conference is the SEC and they don't want the Big 12's tornadoes. Then Then you look to the west coast where there is a fucking mountain range in your way. THE RIVERS DON'T EVEN FLOW TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN OVER THERE. IT'S FUCKING CRAZY.

So, I propose option C, or the Plan C mission where the two Kansas teams leave the Big 12 and start a conference of their own where they only allow teams that are cool to be in. Like TCU. You can come because you have an awesome mascot. UNI? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Memphis? Hell yeah. Butler, you need a place? COME ON DOWN. What's that Toto? You want BYU? WELL FUCK OFF.

And to top it off, I can be the governor of the Big Dick conference. Dick is in reference to Richard Vitale, that way I can name it that without being a big dick. Kansas–K-state–Memphis–TCU–Butler–Iowa State–UTEP–Louisville–Northern Illinois–VCU and some other ones or something. Sound like a winner to me. And then we can have a conference mascot. Maybe Cole from Gears of War, because he's a perfect spokesperson for the Big Dick conference. 8=============>-- The Big Dick conference, Ejaculating talent all over your professional faces.

May 10, 2010

Holy draft busts Batman! Look at all the early entries

Friday was the day when you (the NBA draft potential college basketball player) decides to tell your classmates to fuck off. This year, more that any other, was one where a lot schools were told to fuck off. A fucking lot. Thanks to ESPN, and their awesome list, I will now be grading them on how I feel about each of the early entrants based on three principles. How I liked them when (or if) I saw them. Whether their name looks douchy and of course if I hate their college or not. O LET'S DO IT!

Solomon Alabi Florida State - African descent. You know he's good. Lot's of black in him. He's a def can't miss.
Cole Aldrich Kansas - BEST WHITE GUY IN THE DRAFT!
Lavoy Allen Temple - Jewish. He has no chance.
Al-Farouq Aminu Wake Forest - Arab. May or may not be explosive.
James Anderson Oklahoma State - Whitest name for the blackest player. He's gonna be a shooter. That's it
Kevin Anderson Richmond - Mascot is a spider. Lanky athlete with a small torso. Maybe.
Luke Babbitt Nevada - LUKE BABBABOOIE. BABBABOOIE. That's all.
Armon Bassett Ohio - If he has anything to do with Bassett furniture he's screwed.
Talor Battle Penn State - Asshole can't even spell TaYlor right. Might battle on the boards.
Keith Benson Oakland - Mistah FAB?
Eric Bledsoe Kentucky - No one likes you Eric. Too good for a k asshole? Best case scenario. Getting to back up for Tom Brady.
Anatoly Bose Nicholls State - Bose? BASS? TREBLE? RIM RATTLING?!
Dee Bost Mississippi State - Dee is short for Delores. WNBA potential.
Craig Brackins Iowa State - 42 points against KU two years ago. He's good. But he's from Iowa. DILEMMA?!
Avery Bradley Texas - Is no Avery Johnson. He has no on air presence. Also sucks at basketball.