Turnering a new stone

Just released tonight, from multiple sources, was the name of the University of Kansas' new coach. This time, instead of beating anorexia, we are beating racial profiling, and I love it. A perfect fit. He is a square peg in a square hole. He has the resume, the recruiting of Texas, and player management. Probably the best reason he fits in here, though, is that we already know he looks great..

Ingram wins, white people cry.

The media has spoken. But, the people haven't, and guess what America, you don't get to. Is it unfair? Yes. Is it un-American? Yes. Does the media really deserve the right to make a judgment? No.

This is why. The Heisman voting system is a fucked up collaboration of douchebags (Jay Marrioti) all of which care more about tradition and total wins, over the players with the stats and the better seasons. Sure, Ingram was great, but Toby Gerhart was a fucking killer. He out ran Ingram by 200 yards, and did so by almost double the touchdowns. Without such a presence in the backfield, Stanford wouldn't be bowling, and Jim Harbaugh's name wouldn't have been atop the top of the KU coaching list.

Random skanks were fine, but now Tiger's crossed a line.

Call me the rhymenocerous, bitches. Tiger Woods' (and anyone else's) personal life is none of my business. And it's none of your business. And, really, as fascinating as it might be to see someone who was on top of the world fall so incredibly far and look so incredibly human (and by human, I mean whorish), I don't really care all that much. And fuck ETSMPZN (that's ESPN with TMZ mixed in there, you see?).

Of course Tiger was getting some side poon. When you break it down, does that really shock anyone all that much? Now, the scope of this scandal is one thing, but what athlete isn't cleaning his pipes behind his wife's back? The number is probably something like 75 percent. This is why Derek Jeter just didn't get married. He can smash any random slag he wants and no one cares!

Look ma! Just got out of our pampers

This is a post reminding you that we are moving to www.hermsperm.net. It will be happening within the hour. I know, I know. You want to help, but we tried that already, and you failed. It's ok though, we still love you. In fact, it's this affection we have towards you that is causing us to make these changes.

Hunter Lawrence smashes not only attractive girls, but also sportswriters' theories.

Hey, folks. I'm going to write for this site now, so I'll apologize in advance. I'm just doing it to enhance my resume. And my chick appeal. Also, Rick Reilly is hosting Sportscenter on the television as I type this, so this is the equivalent of trying to write a paper as two trains collide and kill everyone on board about 11 feet from your workstation. I bet you couldn't do a better job.

I was born, raised and go to school in Omaha, Neb., and I can tell you right now that none of your jokes are funny. I don't know how to drive a fucking tractor, I don't live on a fucking farm and I've never been fucking cow tipping (though it sounds fun and I really do want to try it). Odds are decent that my city is bigger than whatever one you're reading this from.

He's a brick (dunna dun-a) WALL

Who is 6 foot 3 with a dick the size of Manhattan? John Fucking Wall. It only took me one game to realize how fucking incredible he is. His speed, as Kenny Mayne would say, is incedniary. Vision, like an eagle with prescription sunglasses. Athleticism that only makes sense if it was gentically engineered. He is fucking ay-may-zing.

I have resented John Wall for the past 5 months after his signing with Kentucky. He was supposed to go to Kansas (as is every other good player. It should be a no brainer right?), but he didn't. That doesn't piss me off though, as long as he ends up at UCLA, Pitt or even UNC. BUT FUCKING KENTUCKY?! Christ, Kentucky only has a decent program because of KU. 

Week 13 NFL rap-up

With our new setup, we have CMello's tracks on the side bar over there------------------------>
So go check 'em. Just enjoy it like TMZ enjoys Tyga's downfall. We should have a Cast on Friday, tomorrow I should be back into the swing of things. I've got the Call of Duty out of my system, well, at least a little bit.

Good job voters, now we decide.

Since you couldn't come to a damn conclusion to the name of our domain, we are now taking over. As you can see on the right, both hermsperm.net and herms-perm.com are now deadlocked. Polls have closed assholes. We ask for one thing from our viewers, and they can't even do that. I guess we will just have to do this shit ourselves.

So, because Bubb and I have had discussions on the name, we have agreed on one name. hermsperm.net. The list of reasons are as long as Santa's wish list.

1. Herm sperm- it looks like that to the untrained eye

2. That's it

So enjoy the old domain until Friday, and then get ready for the NEW ONE. Switchover will probably occur somewhere between 5pm and 11pm. As for the rest of the week, expect podcasts. I don't really want to think anymore, with the whole finals thing next week, and the whole "just bought Call of Duty" thing. So permcasts for everyone. Yaaaaaaaay!

Love,

Wilt and Bubb-alitious

Herm's Perm hits crunch time

Dear Loyal Readers,

That dreaded time of year has arrived again for Wilt and Bubb: Finals Week. As much as you would probably like us to devote all of our time to satirizing and scrutinizing the world of sports, we must study instead so we can get real jobs and make real money. Reality, as in the thing that hits after you leave college, sucks. Just ask Canaan and 908. So bear with us, as we enter a stretch where content will be more sparse than finding a woman who hasn't slept with Tiger Woods.

We greatly appreciate your interest and loyalty to the Perm.

Love,

Bubb, Wilt and, of course, Herm