February 19, 2010

Perm's Portrait - Tygatron 2000

Today the world heard what Tiger Tiger's PR guy had to say about the sexual inebriation exhibited by Tiger over the period of Elin's marriage to him. He said he was sorry, regretful, sorry again, and finally regretful again. It's almost as if he had been programed by the great Stephen Hawkings himself...

February 18, 2010

Fred Phelps on: Antawn Jamison

Being from Kansas, I know my fair share of Christian friends. I have Rush Limbaugh on my email list and Glenn Beck on speed dial, but those guys are nothing compared to the guy in my mailing list. That is, of course, the radical and ruthless Civil Liberties lover, Fred Phelps.

Fred is quite a wordsmith as you can see here, so what else is there to do but hand this man the column he so deserves. We wanted to hear his thoughts on the Antawn Jamison trade to Cleveland yesterday.

(Unlocks maximum security cell)

WAHHHHHHH! Oh Jesus loving Christ I love being straight. How you doin' Permers. YOU'RE ALL SINNERS IF YOU'RE READING THIS! You hear me. Sinners. All of you.

February 17, 2010

A new tradition at Oregon

We all remember LeGarrette Blount. His rock 'em, sock 'em nature was arguably the most memorable moment of the 2009 college football season, which makes it even more impressive considering it took place in the opening game. Who could have predicted that Blount's actions would have started a trend that future Oregon tailbacks would uphold in his honor?

So far LaMichael James, the man who took over in Blount's suspended absence, has succeeded in following in his predecessor's footsteps (or should I say, handprints?). It seems Chip Kelly likes his tailbacks' hands to be as quick and punishing as their legs. The Perm was lucky enough to speak with Kelly via Skype (get with the times, Daulerio) to see what exactly goes into his tailback recruitment process and what he expects from his squad of Popeyes next season.

February 16, 2010

Everybody Wang chung tonight

Today, in a desperate attempt to bolster their pitching, the Nationals added Wang. Chien-Ming that is. Of course, the Wang jokes were aplenty at the nations capitol today. At the press conference, head coach Jim Riggleman had a few words to ejaculate in.

"We've had our eye out for Wang the last few months of the season," Riggleman said "I'm just glad we satisfied that need now."

Riggleman, who's last name also has it's own joke provoking ability, was glad he could dish out the Wang instead of receive it this time.