February 2, 2010

NFL's statute for hand gestures

Today, the Jets head coach, and lord and savior, Rex Ryan received a little sin tax from, well, the Jets. It wasn't enough to force him to watch a MMA bout while wearing a Showtime hat. No, no it wasn't. They had to topple $50K of fine on his large ass, and just for this photo.
It was just a little middle finger for the masses. Who doesn't expect this guy to pull such a harmless hand gesture? I know I didn't. Shit, I was just unhappy with my rent going up 30 bucks for increased energy usage. I can't even imagine what Rex did to get his frustrations out from the fine.

Since I plan on working in the NFL one day, and if these are the consequences for hand signals, I need to learn the fine scale for each hand move. You should know too. It's always good to know what your hand can and can't do without penalty.
Seems harmless enough, but the peace sign is actually trademarked by USC, and if you use it in front of cameras and aren't affiliated with the Trojans, you get a $4,000 fine from the NCAA. Also, some people see this as a guy stretching out a pussy with his fingers, or also know as finger banging. That will tack on another  $18,000 from the NFL.

 

Oh, you think you're Jay-Z now don't you Kobe? WELL DON'T. JUST DON'T. In the NBA, you are fine to use such a hand gesture because David Stern actually works for Def Jam and Roc-A-Fella. It's also fine to use it in other sports if you've been signed as an artist for Roc-A-Fella. 




Pacman Jones = Just Blaze. Proven fact, and he would be legal to use the Roc sign, but if you dare tempt such a stunt, it will cost you $900,000 dollars in cocaine freshly smuggled from Ecuador. Don't ask me where that comes from, it's just what the NFL rule book says.


OH WHAT'S THAT?! YOU WANT TO DO A SHOCKER?! Well have fun paying 90 grand to the Wichita State Endowment you fucking skank. First Daughter? More like First Whore.


JR (Earl) Smith can do such a maneuver any time he is willing. Reason being, he is black. Holding Blood signs are entirely acceptable under the stipulation that you are African-American. Wanna do this too Birdman Anderson? You shouldn't, but if you find yourself compelled, your penalty is death. And if you're gonna do it Birdman, please refrain from doing it in a Nuggets jersey. Bloods aren't fans of that hue.

So, if you have the urge to do these signs in public, second guess yourself because the fines get heavy like Terrence Cody. Just do what we do, and hold the number one finger up for NUMBAH ONE IN THE NATION.

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