(lights up menthol cigarette)
You know how the NFL is all about speed? Yeah, well I don't like it. You know, I don't have this need for physical attributes on my team. That was sooo 2005. I want some heart, but not that forced heart like Tim Tebow.
He is sooo whack. All his religious principles, looking down on other people on his pedestal of Jesus. Not for me. Not for my team, the Raiders. You know why I like the Raiders?
(stops watching Curb your Enthusiasm because it's too main stream)
Because when I think of the Raiders, I think of trail blazing ideology. Al Davis is so ahead of the curve that he got that Johnny Lee Higgins guy, and he knew he would be good because he has that retro early 90's hair cut. That shit is sooo not suck.
Look, when I gave up red meat for my diet, I thought I would lose my protein intake, but it turns out with the right diet, I can still fulfil my need of protein. Peanuts and soy beans. It all does the job. And that's what the NFL needs to learn. You don't NEED the combine to figure 40 times. It's all irrelevant. What you need to do is find new means by which to assess talent. Like the combine is my red meat and, like, watching tape is my soy bean.
(Puts on flat bill hat to be ironic)
I'm just so outside the box, and the NFL should think outside the box, instead of being that main stream sport, maybe make it a niche thing so I can watch it without being a poser. Maybe have the Marvelous Marbles (If you don't know them it's cool. They are this underground indie band in west Lafayette) as the halftime performer. That would be cool.
(thinks about what he just said)
But then they would be mainstream...