April 22, 2010

Oh thank god they're gone

Today is a big day in the college football community. Two of the largest most gelled hair cut wearing, bro blasting, rosaries wearing douches are going to be drafted into the NFL and out of our lives. But before we forget these two, lets learn a lesson from their respective (Tim Tebow's. No respect can be garnered for Jim Clausen) college careers.

Let us not forget the years of the disciple Timothy Tebow the first. He began as a measly little freshman with a hankering to run QB draws and play the bitch of Chris Leak. With his precise handling, passed down to him from his father through years of black baby circumcision, the young boy became a man, winning a national championship, running and throwing for touchdowns.

The next year he won the Heisman. He had a cock hold of the ESPN public relations department. He had a cock hold of Jesus. He had a cock hold of God. He was a dick. The type of dick that actually pisses you off, without really doing a dick thing. The one that doesn't talk or act like a dick in every day actions, but when you look at his overall resume, you see dick written all over it. First sophomore Heisman. Two national championships. Plays in Florida, with some of the best looking girls in the world, and IS A VIRGIN. Big Ben wouldn't have lasted a day in that environment before making an underage lady his broad of the night.

Then the topping of all. His religion. It wasn't enough to stuff it down our throats through his cock held ESPN P.R. staff, but then to write on his eye black. Then to talk of god in EVERY FUCKING PRESS CONFERENCE. And to top it off, eh fuck it, let's do an abortion ad DURING THE SUPER BOWL. FUCK OFF TEBOW. Mel Kiper has you going to the Vikings tonight. Good reddens. Can't wait to watch you in the snow for the first time and slip onto an ice pick. THEN WE'LL SEE WHERE YOUR GOD IS.

Then of course there is Jimmy Clausen. His dickness was much more forward to the public, as seen by this photo. The hair is ludicrous and the clearly baked on tan is just as bad. Not to mention - CATHOLIC ASSHOLE. Really not much else needed to say, other than his unique ability to not win games and get coaches fired for not winning games and leave school early to stop not winning games in college and start not winning games in the NFL.

But, no worries everyone. They are gone. Forever. Now all we have to deal with is that fucking Matt Barkley.

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