May 7, 2010

Dustin' off the cobwebs like Luigi in his Mansion. You know that game right?

Where our counting defies logic.

It's been a well known fact for a while now that the Big 10 11, have been trying to expand. Like anthrax, the assholes in the Big 11 have been venturing into places that don't want them, including other power conferences that love and cherish their teams. This is of course old news, and it's sad that I've waited this long to talk about the topic, but I can explain officer. I only had like five shots. Double shots. And one beer bong.

Really though, my computer broke down. Again. It's almost as if Chevy made this laptop. But I digress.

Nazi Arnold wants to Pump (clap) You up
As a Big 12 student, I have taken notice of the Big 11's Nazi scheme to take over teams. Everyone is thinking "Well, it's just one team, and really, who cares who's conference Rutgers is in." But that's what we thought when Poland was invaded. Oh, well we can do without Sausages. And we can. Fuck Rutgers.

But, DON'T THINK THAT. These fuckers are maniacal. The are just easing you into the idea. Oh we just want Rutgers, but on the condition that we get a side order of Missouri (!) and Pittsburgh(?) and maybe Notre Dame and Syracuse (WTF). This has been deemed a "super-conference" by the media, and I like to think it's really just the Fuhrer's Conference scheme.
Picture and schedule are non existent, just like your restraint from sugary foods.

Now, no one really likes the Big 10, unless you are a part of it, just as everyone hated the Nazi's, as long as you weren't Juden hunting. And now they want our teams. Don't get me wrong, I hate Mizzou, but if you took them, I would be pissed. Why? Because it's a rivalry, and rivalries are kept in the same conference. USC and Notre Dame is the perfect example of this. No one really gives a shit. You don't mark it on your calendar. You don't want to kill the other team's fans. You don't care. They are in Indiana. You are in California. Total bullshit. And there really aren't any others. That's because they are as pointless as Ben Roethlisberger's "don't rape ladies" book.

And the Big 10 makes money, and that's why teams want to go there. Whereas the Big 12, and the Big East don't really do that. They just sit around and laugh at Colorado and Iowa State all day as they loose their money. The Big East doesn't even know DePaul is still in their league and what the fuck is St. Johns doing for you?

Chief SadFace no like expansions of any kind
Somehow the Big 10 is making money though. Even with the Northwestern's, Indiana's and the Illinois' that are content with .500 seasons in any sport. This is why they want more teams, because more teams means more money for the conference, no matter how good they are, and more money for those teams. It actually sounds like there are done deals in place for the schools. It's a no brainer. You make money and become a part of the most prestigious (But also characterless) conference in the nation.

Of course this leads to bigger changes for other conferences, such as the Big East and 12. Both would need new teams if the current ones leave. Does the Big 12 go out for a TCU or an Arkansas? Does the Big East reach down and get basketball schools from the SEC or ACC? Boston College? Maryland?

This could really Lawrence Taylor these conferences. Speculation is that the Big East would just dissipate, leaving teams to the ACC, Big 11 and SEC. Then the Big 12 turns itself into a super conference by either A) adding TCU, Colorado State, and Missouri Valley Conference teams or B) Merging with the Pac-10 to create the first conference that stretches through 3 time zones.

And as much as I would like to beat UCLA every year, it does end up diluting the conference aspect. You generally play each team each year, which forms semi-rivalries like Kansas-Texas (basketball) and USC-Oregon State(football). It works.

But in all reality, I just want the Big 11 to stay out of Missouri. This will be the one and only time I care for Missouri in my life, and that is just to make sure I can camp out 8 days in advance for a game that means more to me than my Chevy computer. It's a rivalry. You don't see Illinois and Mizzou fans constantly bickering over their football records against each other. That's because they are in different conferences, and having both games (football and basketball) in Kansas City would ruin the rivalry. Who the fuck even likes driving all the way to Arrowhead from Lawrence. That shit is terrible. You have to pay tolls and you have to get beer and risk getting raped while in Missouri. These are bad things. No one wants this.
Rivalry for the ages. The Tigers play a difference purple wildcat this time.

And for Syracuse and whoever leaves the Big East. They have rivalries. They have teams they dislike. Who the fuck cares if you beat Penn State, or Indiana if you are Syracuse. So fucking what? There is no regional hatred. Nothing of that sort. It sucks.

Well, anyways, there was no real total point to this total post. Just rambling, but can you blame me? I haven't posted in like... forever. Tiger Woods hadn't missed a first cut in his life the last time I posted. Anyways, I don't even know if I am really for or against Super-Conferences. To be honest, it could be really cool. Especially if the Pac-10-Big-12 merger happened. I would totally enjoy that, but would really want that fucking Colorado to stop being such a burden. Always injuring Todd Reesing, and taking us to double overtime. Those guys are real assholes over there next their mountain. I say the only sport Colorado teams can participate in is bong ripping events. THAT IS ALL.

Anyways, I've proposed so new changes throughout the summer (in my head, to my editor in chief Mr. Stilts). One of which is that Bubb is just going to be a very limited poster of the site, as he is now in the big leagues. Due to privacy issues, I cannot tell you whether he is in the AAA's or college (but it's college) but he is on his own now. Posting like a big shot blogger.

As for me, I will try to run this site by myself for the moment, and during this lull period in college sports, the posts will be far and few between. I'll probably do a conference breakdown of the spring teams one of these days.

As for now, just stay posted, and prepare yourself for the upcoming college football season, where there will be a renewal of FASA, and many more things from Frat guy D-Row, and other characters that you are likely to come across on a college campus. Remember it's a college blog now. What does Herm have to do with any of this. Very little, except for the fact that he should be a college head coach. He's so awesome. Him and his argyle socks.

Peace, love, Wilt Stilts.