May 11, 2010

Oh Lawd, It just keeps pialin' on.

You may recall that the Big 10 is expanding. ESPN really hasn't even noticed the story, but according to sources (my stuffed giraffe Ed) the Big 10 has contacted some people from some schools to tell them something. Something disturbing.

You're throwing it the wrong way.
I was totally right about Missouri, Notre Dame and Rutgers, but they also want Nebraska. It's quite harsh of them to just jack up the Big 12 North like that. I mean, it's already pretty shitty. Now what? What if Nebraska and Mizzou leave for colder pastures. That leaves Iowa State, Colorado and then Kansas and Kansas State in the North of the Big 12. And considering Colorado and Iowa State's contribution to athletics over the years, it basically just leaves the state of Kansas.

It is quite fucked up. What happens to the North? I mean, do you add shit teams like Missouri State or Wichita State to an already below average football half conference, or do you just say fuck it, and join something else. Both have problems.

Problem one - If the North added teams, who presents a challenge to either K-State or KU over the next 20 years. Maybe you add Memphis. They suck at football, but at least give basketball. Maybe you add Northern Iowa and give both average football and basketball and a reason for James Naismith to roll in his grave. Maybe you take Arkansas, but that's too much Kansas for one conference. Either way you look at it, it sucks.

Weird Hand. INITIATE PLAN C
Problem two - Congealing with another conference. Geography totally fucks the Big 12 in this sense. The closest conference is the SEC and they don't want the Big 12's tornadoes. Then Then you look to the west coast where there is a fucking mountain range in your way. THE RIVERS DON'T EVEN FLOW TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN OVER THERE. IT'S FUCKING CRAZY.

So, I propose option C, or the Plan C mission where the two Kansas teams leave the Big 12 and start a conference of their own where they only allow teams that are cool to be in. Like TCU. You can come because you have an awesome mascot. UNI? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Memphis? Hell yeah. Butler, you need a place? COME ON DOWN. What's that Toto? You want BYU? WELL FUCK OFF.

And to top it off, I can be the governor of the Big Dick conference. Dick is in reference to Richard Vitale, that way I can name it that without being a big dick. Kansas–K-state–Memphis–TCU–Butler–Iowa State–UTEP–Louisville–Northern Illinois–VCU and some other ones or something. Sound like a winner to me. And then we can have a conference mascot. Maybe Cole from Gears of War, because he's a perfect spokesperson for the Big Dick conference. 8=============>-- The Big Dick conference, Ejaculating talent all over your professional faces.

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