January 3, 2013

Can BBQ replace Philly Cheese Steaks?

Not with theses walrus lips. Can you imagine how much more splatter will spray into this stache when he's at Arthur Bryant's BBQ. There's not enough paper printed at the Denver mint to wipe Andy Reid's body after he gets into a bowl of barbecue sauce and burnt ends.

Reid's primed, and perfect for Kansas City. The town of Kansas City, not so much the football team from Kansas City. If you commissioned a painter to paint a typical white guy from Kansas City, you'd get Andy Reid. I mean, the unnecessary and gross mustache is a staple of Kansas City. And by the way, why is it that fat guys insist on having moustaches? Like it's somehow going to improve you metabolism because of the added lip weight.

Back to Reid, because just like Matt Cassel, he can't read a defense. Did anyone watch the Eagles this year? The Chiefs have already had years of not aptly using their best player. Just ask LeSean McCoy how it feels to be the best player, and also not get the ball. Is everyone ready to see Jamaal Charles get 3 rushing touches and 19 screen passes for 45 total yards, cause that's what's gonna happen.

Although, Reid does have some things to offer. Jovan Belcher was a pretty depressing situation. Andy Reid is used to pretty depressing situations. He has the worst kids. It's incredible how poorly his kids came out. Andy must have just spent years mentally fucking with his kids for them to come out there.

"Dad, can I have some cookies today."

*Molesting a cookie with his mouth* "Son. You can have a cookie WHEN JASON AVANT BECOMES A SERVICEABLE RECEIVER."

And that's how he coaches I imagine.

Michael Vick - "Should I bail on the pocket if I'm under pressure?"

*Molesting a battery found on the field* "Son. You can leave the pocket WHEN JASON AVANT BECOMES A SERVICEABLE RECEIVER."

And that's what you're getting Kansas City. Bon Appetite.


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