January 3, 2013

Hello.

Didn't see you there.

No, of course I did. Why else would I be balls-deep in a Turkish call girl in the middle of an elementary school book fair?

If you didn't quite follow that metaphor: the book fair is this blog, the girl is you and I'm...me. I think. You're welcome.

It's been a wild ride since I last PERM'D, as Wilt and I refer to it. My celebrity status peaked as a Web Redemption on Tosh.0, and since then I've mostly been gambling my appearance fee money away. This leads me to my next two updates:

A.) I will be incorporating a significantly higher amount of gambling-related content.
2.) I am broke, so please share this post with your friends because pageviews pay shit, but it's still more than THE PARLAY-WRECKING INABILITY OF THE PACKERS' DEFENSE TO STOP ADRIAN PETERSON.

Hopefully our former readers will be excited about our return, but if I had to guess, I'd bet most of them are jobless substance abusers whose internet access has been relegated to a computer at the public library.

Which sucks because our URL is probably blocked for the assumed sexual content.

Happy Perming, and I'll see you in the comments section. As always, pants optional.

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