Perm's Portrait - Tygatron 2000

Today the world heard what Tiger Tiger's PR guy had to say about the sexual inebriation exhibited by Tiger over the period of Elin's marriage to him. He said he was sorry, regretful, sorry again, and finally regretful again. It's almost as if he had been programed by the great Stephen Hawkings himself...


INTRODUCED FEBRUARY 19th 2010, THE TYGATRON 2000

New Features:

Stronger drive

Better putting

Less emotion

Improvised regret

Abitlity to memorize PR written speeches

Increased chipping wedges

Control of sexual drive


The changes in features on the Tygatron 2000 from the 2000-2009 model should keep it from the spastic sexbot that it formerly was. We also removed all personality from the original Tygatron. Of course we had to add some new qualities, one of which was reading straight off teleprompters. We also added a hate towards the media to this Tygatron.

We didn't stop there. Tygatron now has the ability to love one woman, and can also love his children for what they are, and not for sex toys as the original Tygatron did. We also gave him the ability to use condoms, as well as taught it Divorce law. It is ready for anything that the world could throw at him.

This is the new Tygatron 2000, from Apple.

Oh yeah. And we also gave him the ability to learn.

(10 years later)

John Connor - FUCKING TYGATRON IS KICKING OUR ASS

Terminator - I'VE GOT TO DECIMATE THE CALEEFORNEE-UH DEFICIT FUST. I'LL BE BAAAK JOHN CONNOR.

John Connor - Goddammit.