October 11, 2009

Baseball is the Lone Highlight of my Weekend? Shit.

From a strictly gridiron-centric perspective, today's been quite the downer. My Beloved Patriots lost to the perplexingly undefeated Broncos, and the Chiefs' (Wilt's squad) futile efforts to justify Matty Cassel's $63 million contract came up just short. Again. I was wondering how Oakland managed a win this year. Oh, and there was also this:

Even more mind-boggling is the ongoing criticism of JaMarcus Russell, when shit like this is happening:

And he's a WHITE quarterback.

However, today wasn't a complete coming out party for Debbie Downer. Or Canaan Christ. (God, could you imagine if those two ever married? Even Ray Romano would be offended by that much alliteration and self-loathing.) The positive news - brace yourself - comes from the MLB. That's Major League Baseball, not Masturbating Lesbian Bitches. Although I can understand the confusion, as there are plenty of pussies in both.

I realize that my last post was intoxicated bashing of playoff baseball. And I've spent more time watching the Food Channel and porn than any of the 2009 postseason coverage. But DAMN, those Division Series went by fast!

Living in a frat house full of Dodgers, Angels and Yankees fans, I hoped that all three of those teams would have been eliminated by now so I could finally stop hearing how sexy Manny/Vlad/A-Rod are. But if both Championship Series matchups (and, hopefully, the World Series) are similarly expedited, baseball will be gone before I know it!

A giant middle finger to the Phillies and Rockies. But mostly the Rockies, because they're from Colorado. And in Colorado, it's perfectly acceptable for coaches to prance around the field like a little fairies. At least Mangini had some tact.

I'm honestly giddy at the fact that three-fourths of the DS's are over. At this rate, Baseball won't even overlap the start of the NBA season! The debuts of ShaqBron, BryTest and KevSheed won't be tainted by the worst American pasttime ever (take that, apple pie)! Wait...The ALCS doesn't start until Friday? Are you fucking kidding me? And the World Series tentatively starts October 28?

Somebody please put me in touch with Ted Williams' family. I need a short term freezer-vacation for the next four weeks.

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