October 12, 2009

Don Draper Selling Tactics

Promiscuous secretary walks in: Don, the Browns are here to see you.

Don: (Puts out cigarette, spins chair away from window, stands abruptly as he buttons his coat) Bring 'em in.

Pete Campbell: (pops head in office) hey Don can I..

Don: Get out Campbell!

(Pete leaves as the Browns organization walks in)

Mr. Kokins. Mr. Savage. Please, have a seat..(8 second pause)...Did Cosgrove show you a good time last night?

Phil Savage (GM): Oh yes he did. Who knew all these early 60's broads would be so scantily clad. Man I love New York, but lets get down to business Don. We need a coach, and you need to sell us on one.

Don: Well Mr. Kokins, (lights cigarette) as we all know, you let Bill Belicheck flee from your orgnization, which hurts in more ways than I can imagine. I know from experience that as a mentor, I bring along some of the best talent in Manhattan to come work for me. So, learning from my experience, you have one option (takes puff of cigarette for added effect) lifts up board.

Romeo Crennel.

Now we'll want to get a surrounding cast to actually do the coaching, but as a sales pitch perfectionist, I know that Crennel will be an easy sell to the public.

Randy Lerner (Owner): (Staring disapprovingly at the picture) Sorry Don, but you want us to hire a NEEGRO?

Don: Precisely

Lerner: Well we don't have much money here, so I'm gonna take your word because them negros are cheap, but there will be none of that hodgepodge surrounding staff..

Don: I encourage you to reconsider, I know my information is corr...

Kokins: He's right, we can't afford it, especially with two no talent wipper snapper quarterbacks getting top salaries. Thank you Don for the head coach, but I don't like your strategy. We want to take this to the moon and your only getting it to the stratosphere. It was a pleasure doing business with you Don.

Don: Uh...Well gentlemen, you have the final say, thanks for coming in, please let miss Holloway let you out.

3 years later:

Secretary: Hey Don, the Browns are on the phone again. Do you want me to put 'em through?

Don: Yes (grins) put them through and pour me a drink.

Secretary: Yes Mr. Draper

Lerner: Hey Don, how are the kids?

Don: The real question are how are your kids? Heard you fired Romeo and Mr. Savage.

Lerner: Uh, It's been rough Don. Look, I'm calling because I need you to find me a new coach. White perferably. We're the Cleveland BROWNS for christ's sake

Don: Lerner, let me tell you that you didn't follow my decision last time, and that you should give my perspective a shot.

Lerner: I will consider it.

Don: Ok, I have an idea that might just add some youth to your sorry offense. There is this guy in New England by the name of Josh McDaniels. He's got everything you need in a coach, and has the knowledge to back it up. Trust me on this one, he's the best out there.

Lerner: What about that Mangini fellow. You know I have a thing for the big guys.

Don: I implore you not to, but I don't make the final decision, and you have to know that Denver is on the table now for McDaniels. So you won't have much time.

Lerner: Ok Don, I'll pursuit him.

Don: Which him?

Lerner: (long beep)

Don: That fucker better pay me.

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