Leavitt: OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE! JIMMYBOY'S HERE! Shit, this is one sorry-looking pack of pussies. I have to waste an hour of my Friday night for the next 10 weeks with you assholes? (throws hat on ground). DAG GUMMIT!
Mangino: gerfrummf dorrel mmmffafla, Jim.
Cable: Easy, Mark. Finish your danish, then welcome our newest member. Now, what were you saying?
Mangino: Please sit down, Jim. Bobby, why doncha be a pal and hand 'ol Marky another. These are SO good. Where'd you say you got em?
Knight: THEY'VE BEEN SITTING IN THE TRASH CAN OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT FOR THREE WEEKS. I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT YOU RESIGNED FOR TRYING TO INGEST A PLAYER, NOT HIT ONE (turns to the door). SIT THE FUCK DOWN, LEAVITT (throws chair in Leavitt's direction)
Cable: Now lets everyone calm down. Jim, why don't you introduce yourself and explain why you're here.
Leavitt: Why I'm here? Why I'M here? Because some pussy-lipped second-stringer, who should have been aborted long before I made the mistake of recruiting him, couldn't take a little five-fingered thunder to the gut after he missed 3 straight blocking assignments.
Knight: Are you wearing brass knuckles right now? I FUCKING LOVE THIS GUY. YOU SHOWED THAT THE HOOSIERDADDY TREATMENT! (fist-bumps Leavitt) AH, IT HURTS SOOOOO GOOD.
Cable: Well, Jim, you're also here because we are going to help you transition into a more publicly-accepted coaching style. DAMMIT MANGINO, PUT DOWN THAT TABLECLOTH.
Mangino: mrrrmph brrrtl smmmmm gmmmmm. (spits out tablecloth) But it tastes like the danishes, which are all gone. Marky still hunnnngryyyyyyyy. I really don't know how those Darfur children can go so long without eating. It's impossible!
Leavitt: I tell you what, Cable. HOWS ABOUT I PLOW YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHILE PULLING HER HAIR WITH MY RIGHT HAND AND GIVING YOU A TASTE OF MY BRASS WITH MY LEFT WHILE YOU WATCH?
Knight: Man, me and Bird used to do that back in Hoosierville. I'M IN! (kicks Mangino in the stomach and sprints out the door)
Mangino: OOMPH! As long as it's catered, put me on the guest list. Hey Jimmy boy, you mind giving lil Marky a hand? My weight seems to have caused this chair to fold inwards, trapping my asscheeks and preventing me from getting up. Happens now and again. Also, I might have soiled myself, so careful of the stench when I stand up!
Leavitt: Save it, you sissy. It's easy to fight someone your own age. Try going up against a fit college boy and then come talk to us (spits on Cable and walks out behind a waddling Mangino). C'mon tubs. I'm gonna watch Bobby use you as the bed he fucks Cable's girl on. YEEHAW!