December 15, 2009

Domestic violence at Missouri?

That can't be true? Missouri is home to the most laid back, dogooders around. There is no way that such an even could occur in such a quaint town of noble academia.

Jesus, that was hard to write. Even in sarcasm, I can't seem to pull myself to say nice things of the doucheoholics over the state line. If you've been following on deadspin, then well done. You are ahead of the grove, but I want to dive deeper into an increasing problem in the University of Missouri and the state in general. Let's talk about white trash.

I know, as a fact, (I don't) three quarters of the population  in Missouri are, in fact, white trash (Legitimately Madeup Stats Department). The other quarter, transplants from other states in Kansas City and St. Louis. Whether it comes down to living in a trailer park, beating a wife and kids, or jacking it to Dolly Parton, every one of those three quarters live in dispair and ugly culture. They breed, and when they do, litters can sometimes become eight to 30 children deep.

Disturbing. I know, but it gets worse. Even in these highly white trash areas, the white trash dominant male sometimes isn't the dominant. Just look at the events that have occurred on the Mizzou campus. Women beating men. Men trying to beat women, but failing. This of all things, may be the most inhumane of these white trash. For if the females are dominant, then there will never be a chance for these white trash families to get out of the slums that they live in. No woman can support a middle class family on her wages, especially in the sexist and racist Missouri.

So, help us in the fight against white trash, as we will be taking donations all day to help find a cure. That cure, a nuclear bomb. Because there is no better way to stop the disease, unless quarantined which is expensive, than to put them out of their Missouri.

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