January 7, 2013
Welcome, the new Lakers front court.
Here comes the best front court in the Los Angeles are not named the Clippers. Both Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol are now out. Both, because of severe hurtfeelingitis. They contracted it from Kobe Bean Bryant who was being a real meanie head to them. Sources close to the situation are reporting that Kobe called Dwight a, and I quote, "Fatty fat, McCan't Make a Post Move." This sent Howard into a deep depression, eventually leading to him trying to kill himself by jumping head first off a step stool, leading to a shoulder injury.
Gasol was injured trying to beat the voices out of his head on a mirror in the Lakers bathroom, sustaining a concussion. The psych ward is telling us that the voices were Kobe's, and were chanting "YOU'LL NEVER BE YOUR BROTHER."
The Lakers now turn to Antawn Jamison at the power forward, who is known to have the shortest vertical by any black guy ever. At center, they turn to Jordan Hill, who is also known to have a short vertical, and also, the worst hair in the league. Both are terrible, and just emphasize the horrendous team that is the 2013 Lakers. I love this NBA season.